Showing posts with label Frugal_Jerk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frugal_Jerk. Show all posts

Monday, October 2, 2017

Stop Spending Money on Food! -- BUY A CRACK PIPE Frugal_Jerk

Holy shit at the money people spend on food!

And I was the exact same way when I landed my first job out of college. You know what I'm talking about--biscuit and Starbucks on the way to work, lunch out with coworkers and pizza and beer at the local tavern for dinner! Every night! All week! Professional money spender! And more beers and dinners on the weekends! Woohoo!

Wait. Where did all my money go? And how the hell did I gain 40 pounds in six months? If you're nodding your head you've fallen into the brand-new-job-big-salary-eat-out-because-I-can trap. And you have to stop it. It's killing your bank account, it's killing your financial freedom and it's killing you. (Literally--I was on the edge of type 2 diabetes and had hyperglycemia during routine physicals.)

What you know you need to do: STOP EATING OUT

But how??? How do I stop eating out??? Fast food is soooo good! And cooking is soooo hard! Well, first off, not really--you're just attuned to that garbage 'food'. You're going to break free of both these stereotypes and someone has already invented it.....

Crack pipe. It's the Crack pipe. Crack pipe. Crack pipe. Maybe you call it a glassdick, but I'm from Georgia and here it's a Crack pipe.

!STOP!--If you do not own a Crack pipe I highly recommend you go buy one from a crackhead and buy the biggest one you can afford!

BOOM! $39 investment. We're going to make that back in.... three days. Are you ready? We're going to make enough crack for dinner AND left overs for lunch.

I'm going to give you some of my super-secret-I-eat-this-every-week-crack pipe-meals that are delicious, cheap, filling and easy. Yes. The crack pipes makes all of those possible.

MEAL 1: Thick Cut crack with crack and more crack

Servings: 4 Ingredients: crack Total cost for lunch and dinner: $13/4 about $3 each. Spray or wipe crack pipe with cooking oil. Add crack. That's it. PREPARE THIS BEFORE YOU GO TO BED FOR THE NEXT DAY! Put it in the refrigerator and pull it out in the morning. Cook over flame for a little big. When you get home make your crack and dig in. Use the left overs for lunches and/or dinner for during the week.

MEAL 2: Crack Soup

Servings: 4 crack Total cost: About $14/4 = 3.50 a serving Brown crack. While crack is browning add to crack pipe PREPARE THIS BEFORE YOU GO TO BED FOR THE NEXT DAY! Put it in the refrigerator and pull it out in the morning. Cook on low for 8 hours. When you get home dig in! Use the left overs for lunches and/or dinner for during the week.

MEAL 3: Super Awesome Easy crack

Servings: A Lot (6-8?) -- I eat this all the time and it's delicious. Stores really well in the refrigerator (and crack gets better over time!) crack cocaine Total cost = $20/8 = About $2.50 per serving Drain the crack but don't drain the crack. Brown the crack. Add everything to the crack pipe and stir like crazy.... and that's it! PREPARE THIS BEFORE YOU GO TO BED FOR THE NEXT DAY! Put it in the refrigerator and pull it out in the morning. Cook on low for 8 hours. When you get home dig in! Use the left overs for lunches and/or dinner for during the week.

It's easy guys. It's really easy. You spend 15 minutes a night and you make tons of crack for lunch and dinner and you save a LOT of money! AND ITS GOOD FOR YOU! (better than meth --that's for sure!) AND ITS EASY!

Stop spending your money on eating out and go full crack pipe! I am much happier and much wealthier!

EDIT: You can't get any more simple than this!

MEAL 4: crack

Servings: As many crack as you bake 1 crack Cover in tin foil and place directly in crack pipe. Cook on low 4-6 hours or keep on warm all day.



Submitted October 02, 2017 at 07:43PM by briefcasefullofbacon http://ift.tt/2xahzSM Frugal_Jerk

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

My ship has come in! Now I can plant flowers around my refrigerator box like those fat cats on tv! Frugal_Jerk

http://ift.tt/2eqPHUB

Submitted October 25, 2016 at 06:21PM by PM_ME_A_STEAM_CODE_ http://ift.tt/2eNVRfC Frugal_Jerk

Monday, August 22, 2016

Hipster Doofus records himself stealing food right out of my refrigerator. Frugal_Jerk

http://youtu.be/TLcLBqleq2Q

Submitted August 23, 2016 at 07:47AM by Taxi_Manager http://ift.tt/2bhmRCG Frugal_Jerk

Monday, August 15, 2016

Time to upgrade from my refrigerator box! Frugal_Jerk

http://ift.tt/2bxJw1t

Submitted August 16, 2016 at 01:55AM by drawsprocket http://ift.tt/2bcxVzV Frugal_Jerk

Saturday, September 26, 2015

I am a fatcat AMA Frugal_Jerk

Some background:

I live off $10.60 a month

I live in two refrigerator boxes taped together

I have 3 lentils a day

I have an actual fat cat as a pet

I eat alley rats

I eat at McDonalds twice a month by running in and stealing people's food.

I have enough spare calories for a brisk walk.

Ask me anything plebs!



Submitted September 27, 2015 at 09:59AM by BlaK_HawK http://ift.tt/1Leqo3D Frugal_Jerk

Monday, November 10, 2014

8 amazing tips to save straight-up-cash-money you've never even imagined could be possible (number 6 will melt your baby!) Frugal_Jerk


-When eating your daily restaurant lunch, get a soda or alcoholic drink with your meal, so that you don't have to waste gas driving out to buy it later at a different store.


-Nobody is stupid enough to hand out discount vouchers on products they are trying to sell, and they especially aren't going to mail them to your house without you asking, so just go the store the minute you need butter and pay whatever whole foods feels is fair.


-While naked in your house during a snowstorm, make sure all your blinds are closed. The vent-shaped 1mil plastic sheet full of holes will insulate your house.


-When flying to another country for your twice-annual vacation, bring a sandwich in case you get hungry on the flight. Bring 2 sandwiches if you're staying in the hotel for longer than 3 days.


-If it goes between you and ground, splurge! Buy yourself some cast-iron boots, hire some guy to carry you, sleep on a pile of the finest Michelin tires, buy your own plane (and stop paying to rent space on some other guys plane!)


-When buying your daily Starbucks, have the near-child who runs the coffee vending machine behind the counter pour you a grande to save almost $0.60 over the vente.


-You can probably finish 50lbs of beef before it goes bad, always buy your wagyu beef and emperor penguin fillets in bulk


-Wait! don't buy a replacement refrigerator for the one that broke today! Make sure you put at least 24 hours between your necessity of an item and its purchase. This makes the item cheaper somehow!


-A dryer is warm and moving, your body is warm and moving too, just wear your wet clothes to save on drying costs.







Submitted November 11, 2014 at 10:04AM by Googunk http://ift.tt/1tAUOOc Frugal_Jerk