The stars have aligned! DeadBedrooms

The kids are watching a movie. She mentioned earlier that something might happen this afternoon. She's already done her weekly call with her mother. We don't have to start preparing supper for about an hour. I've cleaned the kitchen to her standards. A cozy nest in our bedroom awaits! She comes in, looking so beautiful in her sweater. She looks at me. Our eyes meet. She says:

"I'm going to clean out the refrigerator."

Submitted December 05, 2016 at 04:19AM by maendyman http://ift.tt/2gRncOt DeadBedrooms

Spilling it out and rambling away. DeadBedrooms

I actually wrote this almost a year ago and just found it when cleaning up my phone. What's insane is it feels like I still feel each and every one of these stupid, silly, and depressing things a full year later. I am not looking for a prize - I just wanted to share because I am slowly realizing that I am not the only one who feels this way.

""""

You stare in wide wonder

Jaw gaping

"Why do you count the days last had sex?"

"How do you even remember like that?"

"Why does it seem like you are a crack fiend waiting till your next hit?"

I only sigh

You are right

I am a broken thing who needs too much

I am a monster in my voracity

I am always anxiously searching for the next time we touch

Like a shifty-eyed bigfoot through a torch lit cave

Reaching out blindly with my terrifying hands

Groping and grunting

Just waiting to gobble anything up with a satisfying smile on my lips

But...

What if...

What if I'm not a monster...

What if we instead thought of it different way

What if it was you?

And my 'need' was not physical love - but instead just. plain. food.

Imagine seeing an amazing, 7 course meal fit for a king at a long palace table

How you would delight and yell out in pleasure

As each new beautiful and exciting dish is passed to you

Lights gleaming in your eyes as the consume each incredible bite

Deliciously and excitedly enjoying every tender morsel

And finally you would place the napkin on your plate

Finished.

Satisfied.

Full.

And immediately - in a flash - you are exiled,

Harshly dragged to a dungeon below the castle

Now you sit in this dark, damp, depressing place.

They have forgotten about you - and your needs - like food.

But even that after one day you could look back on it and fondly reminisce on your dinner to cheer you up

Replaying the details in your head and remembering that unimaginable fulfillment

What an amazing meal!

And even (possibly) again the second day

and a tiny rumble of your stomach awakens that memory again

The daydream is a full table before you all over again

So perfect was that meal - of course it should last two days

And so you gently place your hand on your stomach

As days pass and the stomach gets even more vocal about its hunger

And even memories of such an amazing meal are not even bittersweet anymore

But horrible teasers

and each time you think of a single delectable spoonful

Searing pain hits your midsection

So you push those memories to the back of your head.

Best not to think of them

You try to distract yourself

Why torture yourself worse

And while two weeks can be a relatively short time

Imagine a human body not eating for two weeks

No snacks, no sustenance - not anything

Imagine 3 weeks.

A month.

Would you not count the days as well?

Would you not scrape crude tally marks into the dirt feverishly?

Wondering how much longer till you starve completely?

Another week goes by and you are beyond any form of true hunger

You are nothing more than just plain tired and hurting

Ribs begin to show, eyes have sunken in

You look monstrous too - but only because you have been forgotten

And that's how I feel.

It's just that my needs are different.

My physical needs sustain my spirit, my soul.

Nudges and bumps as you get juice from the refrigerator are like scraps thrown to a dog

I eat them up hungrily with sad eyes and disgust in myself.

I even beg for more

Hating myself for it every time

But I still try

I slowly drive home from work

Hollowly hoping things might be different tonight

I get kind of excited as I pull in the drive

I come in wearing a cute dress and hair done

I call out for you and kiss you on the cheek

And you lean around me to see the t.v.

You don't even notice

I feel so sad

and hurt

and alone

I was hoping for a 'you look nice today'

I was wishing you would catch sight of my bare legs and sweep me into the bedroom

I was desperately pretending that you would see me and want me the way I want you

I miss you

I miss you missing me

if I was gone for even a day

I miss being wanted

and needed

I miss cards

I miss nothing hugs

I miss nooners

I miss you attacking me happily before I could even get in the truck

I miss all day text conversations

I miss you being me best friend

You knew everything

You knew exactly how to make me happy

You made me so hopeful

But now I know

This is my life now

I could tell you how I feel

Again

I could tell you what I want

Again

Tell you how to fix it

Again

Tell you everything

Again

And listen to you be defensive

Again

Because you haven't had time to fix it

"It's only been two weeks"

So I don't

I drive home from work

I come home to a nod and a peck

And "what's for dinner"

I sit in the bedroom while you watch t.v.

I lay next to you as you sleep

Turning your back to me as I stare at the ceiling

Every. Single. Night.

I try to put my hopes to bed and try to distract myself into sleep

Who knows... Maybe I'll get laid Saturday morning.

Submitted August 05, 2016 at 01:34AM by jindogma http://ift.tt/2aUgHfd DeadBedrooms

My Story (Recovering from a Dead Bedroom) DeadBedrooms

Hi All,

I have been a lurker here for a while, never really posting but relating to many. I am a HL female and my husband is a LL non-initiator. We have been together over 15 years now, with our sexual relationship being one of the only things we ever really argued about (my HL and his LL).

I want to highlight something before I start (This may get long, so I apologize in advance for the wall of text). I know there are not many positive stories on here, but I wonder how many there actually are that just don't get posted. I, personally, have not posted that I am no longer in a dead bedroom because to me it felt like bragging about having a refrigerator full of food to someone who hasn't had anything to eat in 2 days. Maybe I shouldn't have thought of it that way, but I did, and I didn't want it to be like... hey look at me, I'm having sex now, aren't I lucky?

Anyway, here is my story. I don't know if it will help anyone at all, but it's at least a positive story and proof that things CAN be better, though I can't say if it will last forever, as no one really can.

Throughout our relationship, my husband and I have only had one recurring issue that has caused problems in our marriage - his lack of sex drive and initiation of sex. His lack of initiation was always a big factor for me and hit my confidence really hard. He was my first, and to me, not being chased meant I wasn't worth chasing. It took me a long time to figure out that that was not necessarily true. Anyway, On top of his lack of initiation, there were many many times where I would initiate and he would turn me down for various reasons, which was like being punched in the gut each and every time. After a while, I stopped initiating because I couldn't stand the rejection anymore. I gained a lot of weight, replacing sex with food, etc. which is something I realize is my issue and I am not blaming him for. It was my way of coping and it was the wrong way of coping. Our sex life had it's ups and downs, there were many times where we had short periods of time where we would have a lot of sex, but it never lasted more than a couple of weeks then it would be back to being rejected. I always felt something was wrong with me, because growing up I always heard how men always want sex, it's all they think about, etc. So to be rejected was like the ultimate humiliation to me. People always say that women don't have to "try" to get laid. That is complete bullshit.

During our times of having a mostly dead bedroom, we did manage to have two kids. We wanted kids so were having sex to make that happen, but after I was pregnant it went right back to a mostly dead bedroom. As of the last couple of years it has been really bad - almost no sex at all, virtually no initiation from my husband and very little from me because at this point I felt ugly and unsexy and couldn't handle the rejection. Our sex life dropped to just a few times a year, for about 2 years. I found myself growing resentful of my husband. Everything he did irritated me and I had a hard time looking at him the way I used to. Our lack of sex was causing me to drift away and I hated him for it. I wanted desperately to have a good relationship, to have him look at me the way he used to and to have a good sex life, but I gave up on that and it made me bitter. I was always pretty good at hiding the fact that I resented him for it, but as of the last year or so I found that it was getting harder and harder for me to be nice to him, to even give a shit how his day was or what he wanted. I was pissed, hurt, unsatisfied. I just didn't like being around him. It was easier to resent him than it was to feel unwanted and sad. I thought many times about leaving, but with two small children it was just something I wasn't sure I was ready to do, and I hated the idea of making such a huge life change over sex. To break up my family over sex. How do you explain that to your kids later when they ask you why you left daddy? As I got closer and closer to feeling like I needed to be free, to just be with someone who would fuck me and make me feel like sexy confident woman I knew I could be, I started thinking about counseling. I read a LOT of advice online, etc. At one point, I thought to myself, ok, if you are going to do this, you have to give it one more try. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. You deserve to have a good sex life. You need to take the initiative and make it happen, or at least try before you give up completely. I decided to do everything I could to make an effort to put out what I wanted to get back in return. It took some time, but I stopped being resentful. I started making an effort to kiss my husband when he got home and look happy to see him, to ask him how his day was and really listen, to cuddle with him again. I started initiating again, adding extra effort to let him know how sexy I thought he was and how much he turned me on. I tried to make it less about me wanting sex and mor about him turning me on so much I couldn't keep my hands off of him. I'd tell him that I thought of him while I pleasured myself, or that when I had a sexy dream about him. It didn't take too long before I started noticing some changes, which made me want to try harder. Boosting his confidence was helping me boost mine.

At one point, over a matter of a week or two, I found my efforts were working but not enough. The sex still wasn't there (it was not nonexistant but it was't still infrequent) and I still felt he lacked interest. It was affecting me a lot again because I felt I had tried and there was nothing left to do. He noticed I was upset, at night I would go to bed with him hoping something would happen and when nothing did, I would get up and leave the room - usually to cry, sometimes to just watch TV and get my mind off of things. He asked me a couple of times what was wrong and I just couldn't answer. We had been here so many times it felt pointless to even discuss it anymore and quite frankly I was embarrassed. Embarrassed to say out loud that my own husband didn't want to have sex with me. Finally, one night I got upset and I told him that his lack of interest in sex was making me feel like he thought I was disgusting and ugly and it was hurting me a great deal. I told him I felt like he didn't want to be with me anymore and that he can tell me he wants to be with me as much as he wants but he doesn't show me that he wants to be with me. He assured me that wasn't the case, but I had heard that so many times that I didn't believe things would change. After that I noticed that he was making more of an effort, he was returnig my welcome home kisses with more enthusiasm, and coming to me when I didnt come to him when he got home, which was nice. I started initiating again, and he wasn't turning me down. I made an effort to tell him during the day (texts, etc.) that I was thinking of him, that I couldn't wait til he got home. I told him about all the things I wanted to try sexually. I bought lingerie (mostly for me because it made me feel good after feeling so ugly and unwanted for so long) and tried my best to act confident. I explained to him how much I thought about sex and how much I felt like i needed it, and that it was driving me insane not to be able to have him when I was so attracted to him, etc. While he still isn't great at initiating, he has not been turning me down, even when I know he probably wants to sometimes because he has had a long day at work etc. I'm not sure what happened but I think our conversation finally clicked and he realized how much I needed a sexual relationship to really be happy in our marriage.

I am not really sure where I am going here. I don't have any great advice for anyone, but I wanted to post my story because it's been a few months now and we have a very active sex life. We are trying new things and having the best sex we have ever had. I still find myself having to initiate 90% of the time, but the fact that he no longer says no has boosted my confidence a lot and has made me feel like a more sexy and confident woman. I know what I want, and I am no longer afraid to ask for it. I can't say whether it will last or not, but it feels different this time, and I am hoping it does. I realize now that I will probably have to continue being the one to put forth the most effort in putting him in the mood or telling him what I want and making it happen, but I have decided that if I need to do that to keep my sex life alive, it's certainly worth it.

Submitted January 23, 2015 at 02:53AM by NoMoreDBR http://ift.tt/1ExPvqw DeadBedrooms

My cereal and milk analogy DeadBedrooms

My girlfriend and I had a talk last night about what can be done to remedy our situation. She mentioned that she doesn't want to find out that nothing can be done. I came up with this, and thought it fit nicely. If you're like me, cereal is the greatest thing ever. I came up with this based off cereal.

Cereal by itself is pretty good. Cereal with milk is heavenly. A sexless relationship when things aren't done to try to help things is like eating cereal when you have milk in your refrigerator, but the fridge is locked. The cereal is good, but if you go get a key and get the milk, it's awesome. However, if you know you don't have any milk, the cereal is much better by itself. This is like if you find reasons why there's no sex, and know there's nothing that can be done about it.

Submitted January 22, 2015 at 03:37AM by xXxBluESkiTtlExXx http://ift.tt/1yNoeBR DeadBedrooms