garfield copypasta

I hate mondays Pookey, cover me. I'm going in. Sleeping beauty, wake upYou can stop dreaming about me,because I'm here now Just wake up You've got work to do. You're not just my owner... ...you're my primary care giverNot now, Garfield Alright, cut the sweet... easy now. Trying to cuddle with me, huh? Trying to avoid your duties, huh? Well that just ain't gonna fly! See, I'm doing my exercise,doing my job. Just one quick CANNONBALL- Good morning - Garfield! OK, I think you're clean enough now. Got your towel right here. No, Garfield! It's liver flavoured. MMM Delicious. Ugh, Liver! Actually, it's liver 'flavoured'. That was good breakfast. Now I think I'll fall off the Catkins dietand get myself a little high fat chaser. Garfield, look, the milk truck! Oh, thatta boy Nermal. The milk truck comes every day. Maybe not today. Maybe it's changing routes? Maybe this will be the last we'll ever see of him? We're cats,we like milk. Let's go for it. - No. - But... But nothing. I don't leave thecul-de-sac for anything. Out there it's a hornet's nest of trouble. Bad things happen out there, so I don't go out there. Besides,I've found, if you wait long enough. Everything comes to you. Here come the milk man. Here come the milk man. Hey, Nermal. Let's play Astronaut again today. - Yeah? - Yeah, I love that game- You're such a brave little Astronaut- Alright Prepare to jump into your spaceship,Commander Nermal. Whoa, whoa! What about the milk? Who needs milk when you can bein outer space? - We've got a secret mission today. - Yeah? You'll be exploring the Milky Way. I get the chills when you jump in yourlittle spacecraft. The nation thanks you. Prepare to blast off! Three, two, one! Bon Voyage! Look at me go! Don't look down! - Come to papa, baby - I can see everything up hereI can see my house! Got Milk? I can see the whole neighbourhood! Well that's nice. That's very nice. Hey, another milk truck! Ooh, and that is even nicer. I can see a whole...... Mission accomplished, NermalWhoa, Garfield. Do it again! Where did everybody go? You're on the wrong side of the street,Fat Cat... beat it! And you Luca are on the wrong side of theevolutionary curve. Ok, that's it. You're gonna get it good today. I make a point to get it good every day. The real question is, Luca:How shall I outwit you this time? - With simple maths? - I know how to spell. - Or shall I distract you with something shiny? - Now you're making fun of me. I hope so, you're no fun to look at. You'll never get the best of me.... I think I just did. Not the ducks again. Jump back! and kiss my skin. If I ever get off this chain,you're going down. Everybody back up! I dont know how wild this thing's gonna get. I love the smell of cinnamon apple inthe morning. - Smells like victory. - I hate this fat cat. So much time, and so little I need to do. Mouse! No thanks, I'm full. Get him, Garfield Get him, Jon Always gotta be smashing and crashing. Nobody poisons anymore. There's my ball. What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse? I don't do the chase thing. I know you don't hear me. But can't you just listen? Louis, what are you doing in thehouse when Jon's home. Sorry Garfield, man I couldn't help it. Look, when he sees you he expectsmore from me. Don't you get that? Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies,I'm trying to maintain. - You understand? - Sure, as long as you understand... that I have to eat you. Good boy! See, I knew you coulddo it if you put your mind to it. You're the best cat a guy could have. Have you tasted yourself lately? Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-classlounge in there for me either. Get yourself lost, Louis. Take a powderfor a couple of days, get a haircut and grow a beard. Cool, I owe you one G << I've got a question for you. >><< Do you love your Cat? >>Finally, back on my regular schedule. << Make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food >>That cat's puss is everwhere. TV, newspapers, t-shirtsI wouldn't want that kind of exposure (!)- Hey buddy - Cut the small talk What's in the bag? << Remember: Be Happy >>I'm happy when I'm with youYou delicate melange of tomato paste,cheese, ground meat and pasta! Garfield, don't even think about it. That's my food. I may just nibble. << Thanks Happy, and thank you for joining us >><< I'm Christopher Mello, remember: Be Happy >>Cut! Give me the Benadril! Damned cat allergies Any word from the network yet? No, but they're looking for a dog-acton Good Day New York. Dog act! Story of my life:Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat- But the segment went quite well- "But the segment went quite well" Of course it went well, you toad. The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it. << This is Walter J Chapman, reporting live from the Hague >>Oh, please. What a know-it-all. And everybody always said I was thehandsome one. I was the smart one And I was born first. But there you are, "live from the Hague",and I'm here working with this sack of danderon a dead-end regional morning show. << Back to you, Dan >> Garfield! Did you eat all four boxes of Lasagne? It's not my fault. They started it. What am I going to do with you? Love me, feed me, never leave me. Let's go for a ride to some place you lovethat always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed. Oh I know, Chucky CheeseThank you! No, Wendys? Taco kitty? Well I'm stumped. Maybe olive garden, for you? The only time I leave my cul-de-sac iswhen Jon takes me to the Vet. Which he's been doing a lot recently. And it appears to have nothing to do with me. Jon must want to go for his own reason. Well, there's nothing wrong with GarfieldHe's just a happy, fat, lazy cat. No need for a second opinion. - I worry about him. - I know you do. Y'know, you care about himmore than any owner I've ever known. 'Him' has a name. Is this an HMO? Let's get Garfield in for his dip,I wanna talk to you, in private. She's so beautiful. Mr Pathetic, you've had a crushon her since High-School. Will you please ask her out so she can rejectyou, and we can get on with my life? I have to ask her out. - Wish me luck - Ok, go get 'em big tigerYou the man, you the fella, you the bossYou preach to her, show her how the co... you hopeless loser... Betty how about today you start me off witha Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicureSeaweed wrap, loofa, belly rub, tail waxing... ...then crack my toes to finish. Jon, there's something important Ineed to ask you. Something I wouldn't ask most of theguys who come in here. No, wait. I think I know where this is going. You do? I do! Liz, I've wanted to ask youthe same thing for a very long time. Are you sure we're talking about the same thing? Absolutely I've never been more sure of anything in myentire life Liz, I'm ready to take a chance. I'm ready for... Thank you A dog? A dog, I'm ready for a dog. I think he likes you. Frisky little fella, isn't heHis name's Odie, and he's not going tomake it if he has to live his life in a cageHe needs to be loved. Well thank you, thank you very muchLadies and Gentlemen Nah, maybe not in my neighbourhoodHey, homer, I really gotta runGotta fly everybody, please, stay behind thesecurity fence. It's so great of you to come out and see me. But I've got somebody waiting for me,very devoted. Almost crippled. No, please, don't cry. I know what it's like to be unloved. Well, you do. I'll try to come back and visit. And if I don't, I'll try to write. Bye byeDoes anybody know this guy? Goodbye everybody - Garfield is leaving the building. Jon, you know, you don't have to dothis if you don't want to. No, no. It's okay. Some part of me has always wanted to know whatit's like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you. You're a good friend. One question: Am I still gorgeous? Jon, I think we've got a little problem here. Jon... I want you to know I can help the transitiongo smoothly. Jon, it's in my seat! Jon... We could all go out together. Park, dog-shows. Stuff like that - Jon... - Wait a minute, are you asking me out? Jonny-boy, the time has come to get acar-alarm! You're not gonna believe it! A mongrel-mutt has broken into your car. Garfield, this is Odie. He's coming home with us. Whoa: you went in there to get a date,and came out with a dog? Well that's bad even for you. Oh you're so sad. Oh no no no... We're not bringing a dog home with us. Hey, I ride shot-gun! What are you lookin' at, tick-boy? Jon, it's not too late. Quickly, turn around,before he finds out where we live! Please take this trouser-sniffer back! Come on Odie This is your new home. Come on Buddy Jon... You had me, a chick-magnet. And now you got a tick-magnet. Garfield, Jon brought a dog home. I am aware, Nermal. Why would he do a thing like that? Gee, I don't know, Nermal. It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringinga dog into a house that already has a cat. Can we drop it? I mean, it's no big deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life. A dimwitted, smelly, goofy splattered bugthat I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically. Come on! As you can see, I'm still Jon's favourite. See you later, Garfield. Good luck with the bug thingThis is payback for the liver thing, isn't it? Payback, ha ha ha This is your new home Odie. That's my office over there. The TV over there. The kitchen. Go see the house. Why don't you draw him a map? Ok, I've got to remain calm, that's allJon's a cat-guy, not a dog-guy This'll last a week, maybe ten days. Tops. Boy this puppy is stupid gone wildNah, this is just a bad dream. I'm going to close my eyesand when I open them, everything will be back to normal. Nyagh! That's not normal. Not close. Oh great, dog-cooties. Somebody innoculate me please? This is a nightmare. I just need alittle quality time with man's real best friend. Television. No, no. no. Hey, new guy. Let me hip ya to the rules, ok. Number one: That's my chair. Alright, I even see you raise a leg,and it's on, it's go time, pal. Very well. Y'know, I may just have a mentaladvantage on this guy. Leave me alone. I'm not kidding, Yodel Odie. Pop a worm pill, and hit theroad, I'm busy. You wanna play? Fine. You can be my new astronaut! You go jump in the pail, andwe'll shoot you into outer space. Come on, it's real simple! Here, I'll even throw your ball in there. Follow the ball and jump in the pail. Come on, Odie Just like this, come on over here andjust jump right into the pail and help me. No, just in here like this... Uh oh - don't touch that! Oh no! Houston, we have a problem. Odie, Get off the pail. Ok, time for a new game. It's called my claw in your foot gameCome here I'll just use my left clawIf my legs were longer I'd have caughtyou by now - come here! Just wait for one second. Slow... down... Well, well, well I've got you now fat catHey Luca - is that a new chain you're wearing? Fella? Looks good on ya You look great. You been working out? Oh I've been waiting years for this. Would that be regular years,or dog-years? Get away from me pipsqueak! You're nothing but a... Luca, this is Odie. Odie, Luca. Luca, do me a favour and eat himfor me would you please? Garfield, are you alright? I think so. Luca's about to have Odie for lunch. If it wasn't for Odie, you'd be Luca's chew-toyYeah, he saved your life. Odie's a hero! Why? Because I wasn't ripped to shreds? No: Odie's an imbecile,until further notice. Hey Moondust, if I were you I'd grab a nicepiece of carpet Jon doesn't let me sleep up-topEver. Odie... You wanna sleep in the bed? Ok What? Good boy. You wanna sleep on the bed tonight? Yes I do. Yes... I think I'm going to blow cat chow chunksGood night Odie Good night Garfield Great, wish me luck with the nightmaresAnother day ruined. Oh, you little suck up! Whoa baby No. Down. Down dumb dog What part of 'no' don't you understand? The push off the chair? I don't wanna play Oh, look... What am I supposed to say? Thanks for saving my hide with Luca? Ok, thanks for saving my hide with Luca. Get off! Where was I? Right here. Whoa, that was a cheap shot. Hit a guy when he's not looking? Ok... Oh, excuse me, I think you may haveforgotten something. I saw this and I thought, I was pretty sureit was your... Watch out! You see, you can't touch this. That's right. Don't sneak up on me, baby. Oh, come on with that! Get that weak step outta here! Is that butt broken? No it's something like this here.... Can you do this? Shouldn't those hips be in the shop? Walk this way please... I'ma walking the dog Let's step it up a little bit,something like this.... Whoa, look at this! Watch out now! Watch out for this thing! You probably should've practiced in thegarage before you stepped up to someone of my level. Bash up! Maybe something a little bit more challenging. How about this? Look who's here on the porch. I'm walking the porch. I'm holding the torch, I'm ready to scorch. Hey! Look, Garfield's dancing with Odie. They're like buddies now! Odie, what are you doing here? I was doing a solo dance,and a creepy dog comes up next to me... Did you guys see that? Thank you fellas, thank you. Uh oh, here's more trouble. Look at the goony look on his face! Come here Odie Taking him back to the vet? You're taking him back to the kennel, right? Are you putting him up for adoption? Hey Garfield, Jon's taking Odie on hisdate with Liz and he's leaving you behind! I know, Nermal They're off on an adventure,and you're still here! And your point is? Well, that's gotta feel badBeing left by Jon, while he takes Odie out. It's like you're not his favourite anymore. Hey, whaddya say we play brain surgeon? Would you go get my powertools? This is so sad. Jon has completely lost his mind. He doesn't realise how important I am to him. I need to be so understanding of himat this difficult time. Hey, wait up! Wait up for me! You forgot me! Slow down! Please slow down! I'm right back here! I think I've pulled a hamstring! It's ok. I'm on, relax. Car broke my nose.... Yeah, go on ahead, I'll catch up with you. It's probably only a mild concussion. Or a skull fracture. Maybe I'll get a cat-scan? A cat-scan! Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Dog Show! But what if I compromised a little? How aboutI do the rolling around with the yarn-ball thing? And I'll purr. I'll purr like a Ferrari! Make that a Jaguar. I won't climb drapes though, that's morethan you'd get from some dumb... dog. Oops, dogs. What, you're all going to take it personally? Now I'm gonna die. Now I really am gonna die! Excuse me! Can I get through here? Going under this tarp. That's my ear. Owners, maintain control of your dogs! Control your dogs now! Music! Music, you idiot! Yeah, play the music.... That's my bad knee, stop itAlright, feet don't fail me now! I apologise for this, please excuse this outburstThis is highly irregular. Odie. Odie. Come back Odie. Ok, alright, I need a rideMadam, I'm a cat in trouble. I'm hitching a ride in your moo-mooCome on, let's move! Come on pinky, move it out! Sorry, sorry! Move move move, Pinky, Move Pinky move! We certainly have a new star in the arena. Ladies and gentlemen, this is amazing! Talented little fella, huhYah Pinky! They're gaining on us Pinky! A cat's life is at stakeExcuse me ma'am, Please call 911 ! This is exactly what I deserve anywayI promise if I survive,I'll never compete with a dog againOk, you got me, but before I say goodbye... Oh isn't this the final irony,look who's here to witness this:The mail man! You're so stupid! Odie, come here! That's a good boy! That, is one talented dog! Y'know, this is exactly the kind of dogthat could have a future in television. Oh, thank you Mr Chapman,but Odie's just my pet. and that's all I really want him to beYou're kidding? No. Ok Well, this is for you. And this is for you if you happen tochange your mind... you just ring me up and say"Hello, hello, I changed my mind" "I wanna be a star!" - Ok - Ok Let's hear it for Odie! Our winner today: a fabulous dancing puppy called Odie. Never leave the cul-de-sacNever leave the cul-de-sacNever leave the cul-de-sacI'm home. - I had fun today, thank you- Yeah, me too Would you like to come in? Not today I knew that. I'm sorry Jon, I wanna come over, just not today. I have to cover for another vet. Oh, really? How's Sunday? Sunday's great. Sunday's good. Sunday. So I'll see you Sunday. Why, why has this happened? I was the one! It was all about me. Not about some stupid, snivelling,smelly, high-maintenance Disco Dog. Oh no. You just can't do this Jon. He's trying to tear us apart, don't you see that? You know me. I'm too lazy to try todestroy your house. I was provoked, pushed, prodded,driven mad. You can't kick me out of my own house,like I'm some kind of animal. Oh come on Jon.... Jon.... You know I'm scared of the dark. I used to have Jon to myself. Day or night, there was noone else. From dawn to dusk, my meals would come. I'd lounge about in my homeBut now I'm out in the cold night. All alone, til the dawn's first light. I'm in a new-dog state of mind. Used to think I had a homeA special place to call my ownBut now the dog's in, and I'm out. I've got no Jon, I've got no cloutI'm in a new-dog state of mind. Leave me alone. You've won. You're inside, with him. And I'm out here, all by myself. Odie. You came out here to be with me? I'm touched And you must be touched in the head! Bring out the dog, Bring in the cat See ya in the morning little fellaYou know, a puppy needs a little tough-love,every now and then. I think it builds character. Hello Pookey - miss me? Y'know what: I'm going to make it up to Odie tomorrow. I'm going to teach him how to drink out of the toilet. Poor Odie. That cat is such a pig. Garfield's a pig? You never put the dog out at nightWhy not? Because dogs run away. Sure Jon, I'll eat all your lasagne for you... Oh look, what do we have here.... You're a lost dog. Well, we can fix that. Oh, do I feel good this morning. I slept like a fat cat Hey tall dark and human,What's for breakfast? Odie! Where are you boy? Relax, I think he was gonna camp outOdie? Well, he probably had a sleep over at Luca's,I think.... Odie? Maybe he's fetching the paperfor the neighbours? Where is that silly dog? I can't go on like this any more Wendel. I've got to get a dog. I think that's a lovely idea. I know you've been sad and lonely since the divorceand I've tried to be your friend... Not for me, you imbecile, for the act. If I could get my hands on areally talented dog. Walter J. just choke on his EmmyLike Odie? Yeah Yeah now he was good. Oh yeah Y'know he was kindy dopey-lookingand spry and... Lost? Hi, it's Jon. I was just calling to see ifOdie's been over there. I can't find him around. My name is Jon Arbuckle... ...and I can't find my dog. I've looked all around the neighbourhood,and I can't seem to find him. He was home last night, but I haven'tseen him this morning.... if you see him, give me a call please. Hi it's Jon, I was calling to see if you'd seenOdie, I think he's run away. I was giving him a bath last night, andI forgot to put his collar back on. Because Garfield hates his collar. He's about 15 pounds, he's brownish yellowwith big floppy ears.... Would you mind getting that? I'm offering a reward. Yes, that's right. And he answers to the name of.... - Hi. - Hi. I'd say the refrigerator is unguarded. Wha, what are you doing here? We're having dinner, remember? Right. Dinner, the two of us. Tonight. Of Course. - Shall I come in? - Yeah? Yeah, come on in. Liz, I have a confession... It's not really a confession,it's more of an admission. It's a, you know it's like a declaration. - I have a.... - I love it when you do that- Do what? - Y'know, trip over yourself. It's cute... It's one of the reasons whyI had a crush on you in high-school. - You had a crush on me? - Yeah.... I thought you were really cute, decent,not like all those other jerks. I don't believe it, I had a crush on you too. - Isn't that funny... - Yeah... Hillarious. So um, what's your confession,admission, declaration? Actually, um, I forgot about our dinner... yeah. That's ok, I can go? No, no. I'm glad you're here. Let me just get my jacket andthen we'll go. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I've waited forthis night my entire life... If you tell her the truth, you'll feelmuch better. And you wont have to see her any more. It's kindacreepy having a vet around the house anyway. I can't go out and pretend that nothing'shappened, can I? Well, I sure could. The one thing you can't do is tell herthe dogs gone... - I gotta tell her. - No. - I've gotta to tell her. - No! That's not what I said! Schmuck Liz. We can't go out tonight. - Why not? - Odie's run away. - What? - He got out last night... I feel terrible. I call the pound,I put up posters, I looked everywhere...but I can't find him. Why didn't you just tell me? I guess I figured he was the onlyreason you were spending time with me. - Come on. - No, I'm serious. No, I mean let's go find him. How can this dog be such a problemwhen he's not even here anymore? Well I'm not gonna worry about him. I believe you found my dog. He answers to Odie. - Odie. - Family name Oh, Odie. Come on! There you are! I can live again now. How could I ever repay you? An autograph would be splendid. Then splendid it shall be. << come on, boy >> This is ridiculous. Hey: what are you looking at? Nothing, just looking for some company. - Keep walking creepo. - What's going on? We know how much you hated Odie. We know how much you wanted him gone. Wait a minute... all I wanted wasto sleep in my own bed... And to do it you cast Odie out intothe cold, cruel world? We saw how you locked Odieoutside last night. Oh I don't believe you guys,I didn't know he was gonna run away. He's a dumb dog, no offence Luca. Uh, what? You can't blame me for that... Any one of us could be next. Yeah, there's no room for anybodyelse in Garfield's world. Oh that's a little dramatic. Well I may have been a little toughabout protecting my turf,...but I don't hate the guy. << I understand Happy has a big surprise for us, >><< a special treat... >><< What have you got for us, Happ? >><< Ah, guten morgan, Chris >><< I have been working with a very special new friend... >><< And I would like to introduce him to all of you... >><< "Odie Schnitzel" >> Lookie here, It's Odie! And he's safe and sound. Although he seems to have foundan alternative lifestyle. He still can't dance. Well this gets me off the hook withJon and the gang. Now, I'm gonna be the hero. << That's one talented dog >><< I'm glad you think so Chris, >><< because I have a little announcement to make >><< Old Happy Chapman and Odie Schnitzel >><< are going to be climing aboard that >><< New Amsterdam Ltd. at 3pm >><< bound to New York city, where we have >><< the opportunity to be regular contributors on >><< "Good Day New York" >>That's his last name? Schnitzel? Thank you for all your help yesterday... You were great. Jon, Odie's on TV. And he's wearing Lederhosen. I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now. I upped the reward to $200, and I'mgoing to put up some more posters tomorrow. He's clog-dancing I think...wearing Lederhosen. I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now. You're gonna miss this... I'm sorry Liz, I'll call you later. Garfield's being... Garfield. Do I have to bark like Lassie? Come on! Humour me, would ya? Arf! Arf! Arf! Quickly! While we're young. Today, let's go! << "Remember: Be Happy" >>You're gonna miss this: he's the small one. The small one in the guy's hands.... Garfield... I'm not in the mood. Y'know, it's never good when you turn offmy TV, and this may be the worst ever. Odie's not ready. He's months of positive reinforcementaway from consistently performing. Happy. You promised you'd never use that. That collar is inhumane. This collar... ...is the dog's future. Do you have a problem with that? Now we'll see how smart youreally are... Happy Chapman. Not now Garfield. Jon, you're denser than ever! I gotta think outside the box. Hey: the box! Wait a second... My box. My box had something on it. "Applejacks", "Frosty Flakes", "Coco Puffs"... "Kibbly kat!", Yes! There it is: Telegraph Tower! That's where they make the"Happy Chapman" show. Yeah, but, how far away can that be? Hmm, a paw? A paw and a half maybe? This is a done-deal. I can do this! No. Can't do this! Reached physical limits! Shouldn't have tried it without snacks! Must go back, and re-load. And that's the sign that the tank is full... I can do this. Beyond this intersection,is just another intersection. and another, and another. On the otherhand... I wonder if there's any meatloafleft in the fridge? No, now is not the time for aplate of meatloaf. Now is the time for a plate of courage. Ladies and Gentlemen: Garfield! ...has left the cul-de-sac. Now that's more my style. Oh, Taxi. Step on it, will ya driver? No, Odie's not a hound-dog. Yes I'm sure. No, I don't want another dog. Thanks anyway. Garfield, lunchtime. I made your favourite, Lasagne. Garfield? Garfield. Where are you? Can anyone direct me to thepink building shown on the back of the Kibbly Kat box? It's the one right next to the blueand orange tree. This doesn't feel pink building-ish... Rats? Rats the size of... Rats! - Stop Why am I being surrounded here? Some of my best friends are vermin. Finally, some meat. Meat, no. It's not meat. They measured: it's 100% body fat. No nutritional value whatsoever. Hey, body fat's good with us. - Garfield. - Louis! Hey, what's going on here? - Louis, my friend! - Come on I've got 3000 tiny mouths to feed. Garfield? What are you doing here? Besides defending my life? Jon got a dog. Dog got kidnapped by a TV star. ...I'm trying to rescue him. Seems like you got yourselfin a jam, huh? Wish there was something I could doto help you out... Louis, I think you and I have an accountstill, remember? The Macadamia-nut cookies? I do love the MacadamiasSorry rat-pack. This cat's with me. You all gotta roll. Go ahead, roll out. Who wants to go to the Red Lobster alley? Maybe next time, little critters. Good luck with the plague and rabies and everything. Don't push your luck, fat cat. Garfield, you can't just be wanderingaround the city... There are dangers everywhere... Potholes, subways, animal control. You think you could get me toTelegraph Tower? Two more cookies and you got a deal,but you gotta keep it on the down-low. How down-low do we have to go? Yo, Garfield, are you with me? Louis, this is a little bit lower thanI expected. If I didn't have a box over my head,I'd be humilated. Alright, we're almost there. Now when I give you the signal,you gotta cross the street. - Way over there, by the horizon? - Come on, Garfield! Wait up! Wait up! Am I dead? - Garfield, don't move! - Don't move? - Not a problem. - Just wait for the Walk signal. It's a stampede! If I could just get away from this herd. Garfield? Garfield, where are you? Garfield, get down from there, man! No, I'm not coming down. I'm happy tolive the rest of my life up here, thank you. Liz! Liz! - What's wrong? - Garfield's gone. I think he's run away too. First Odie, and now Garfield. Liz, I am the worst pet-owner onthe planet. What happened? I can't find him, you gotta help me. I can't live without Garfield. Let's start at the park. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Garfield. Relax! - Look we're here. - We're here now? "Curve Service" The Telegraph Tower, in all it's splendour. It looks much smaller on the box. You gotta go all the way up there? Good luck, player. I'll catch ya later, I don't do thevertical thing. - Thanks a lot, partner. - Oh yeah, hold up G. - What? - Watch out for the popo, you know... The 5-0. Controlo. Animal Control, man! oh, that popo (!) Keep it squeal. Thanks partner. I can't try the door. I couldn't handle another stampede. First thing, Monday morning. I'm going to get to work on losing thoselast 20 pounds. Ok, everything looks good out there. Looks like we've got ourselves a blockage. Guess we'll just purge the system. Pardon me, that wasn't my stomach, was it? Ah,there's a cooling breeze. Nyagh, my poor nose! Jon, stop the car! It's Odie. Somebody found him! - 52903 Euclid Street. - Let's go Odieeeeeeee. Ooooodd. Oooodster Oood-man This rescue thing is exhausting. When do heroes get to eat? Oh my, it's Odie! Oooodie. I've found ya. I'm so sorry I got you into this mess. Look, we kinda got off on the wrong paw. But, come on, you can be really annoying sometimesand you don't give me enough space. And you're a major league suck up... but we have a common purposeWe share Jon. Jon needs us even more. And, I kinda want you back home too. So: stand back. Almost there.... You think he's ready for the audition? Well, why don't you see for yourself? Come on, Odie. Showtime. "Good Day New York" - I know you'regonna flip for Odie because hesure is flipping for you... A shock-collar? That's inhumane. Hot doggy... - When does our train leave? - Two hours Poor Odie. He faces a future oftorture, neglect and degradation. Hey nobody gets to mistreat my dog like that,except me. I'll be right behind ya, little buddy. Gravity, do your thing! Y'know, I think I had a nightmare likethis once... Once again, my life has been savedby the miracle of Lasagne. I said Limo, not taxi, do you know the difference? Odie here I come. Don't worry, fella, I'll rescue you. - Gotcha - Huh? Well, what have we got here? Looks like we got us a cat with no tags. Hey, there's an animal felony happening rightthere behind you. I'm trying to do some rescue work here, palWelcome to my world, Red. This is police brutality. I have tags. I just left them in myother fur. This is abusive, now. This is abuse. - What is with the cage? - Ok, lock her down. Oh no this is insulting. You knowI'm house-trained. - Settle down people - Oh, I oughta give you a bunch of fives, pal. This is all a terrible mistake. I was trying to save a friend. He's not very smart, he needed my help. I don't belong in here. I have an owner. I'm not a stray. - Hi, I'm Jon Arbuckle - Hi I think you have my dog, Odie? I think you're mistaken. No, I saw the flyer. Odie's my dog. No, he's Happy Chapman's dog. Happy Chapman? The gentleman with the cat onChannel 37. He came and took Odie home. Odie's a family name, y'know? Well, good day. Happy Chapman took Odie. He's got Garfield too? I don't know. But we're gonna find out. Could you please be quiet. Guards, Guards! Oh this really is too much. Persnikitty! Happy Chapman's cat! What are youdoing in here? I 'was' his cat. until I outlived my purpose. Then he replaced me with a dog. and dumped me in this wretched place. All humans are the same. Not Jon, my owner. No way, he only does what's bestfor me. He puts up with me, then he feeds me. And he lets you vacation in thischarming animal pound. Hello? Not for long, Persnikitty. Would you please just stop calling me that. My name isn't really Persnikitty... It's Sir Roland. Sir Roland? Yes, another one of Happy Chapman'sacts of cruelty. I was trained in the classical theatre,you know... But now, I'm a "Celebrity Cable Cast-off Cat" with a name I can never live down. Well, this may hurt a little then,I'm trying to rescue the dog that replacedyou, Persnikitty. I mean, Roland. Happy and Odie are getting on a train in lessthan two hours, going to New York to become regulars on"Good Day New York". Wait a minute: did I just hear that right? You're a cat that's trying to rescue a dog? It's true. I know, it's a crime againstnature, at first I thought he was a pain, but,he's grown on me. Like a wart you wannahave removed until you realiseit defines you, in some funny way. Do you know, that is absolutelycharming? Let me ask you a question, chubby. What are you talking about? How could you understand? He's my friend. Oh, my gosh. How low have I sunk? Guard, may I have some shoelaces please. Well, hello there. Right on time. Alright, I need a five-catline up right now. What's going on? Adoption. It's like one of us is gettingoutta here. So, here to look at a cat? Alright, let's see if we can't take care of that. Come on boys, lets hurry it upCan I say, your hands are freezing. Come here - You are heavy. - Excuse me, muscle weighs more than fat. Check this. Alright, line it up. Paws on the white line. Tails in the air. I don't need to be adopted guys. My guy Jon is coming to get me, I'm sure. - That one! - Really? She picked me, she picked me. She picked me, she picked me. No, not that one. That one. The one that looks like the cat on TV. Back it up, Red. Sorry love, better luck next time. Now you be careful. That's sore. Jon's going to be here infive minutes anyway. When I give the signal, run like a mad-cow. - What? - Don't you want to save your friend? - Do I really have to run? - Now! Eat Hairball, Happy Chapman. We've got runners! We've got runners! Stop! You've not been cleared for release! Garfield's been here. Excuse me, can I help you guys with something? We're looking for Happy Chapman. Yeah he's on his way to the train station,he's going to New York. Do you guys have a pass, or something? Thanks Hello, excuse me. << Your attention please >><< The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing >><< from Platform 12 >> All aboard! All Aboard! Good afternoon, Gentlemen. What will you be having today? Salmon, Steak or Lasagne? Steak. I hate Lasagne. Beep Beep! Cat coming through! Beep Beep! Going through the tunnel. I just had to do that. << Final call for the new Amsterdam Ltd. >><< The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing from Platform 12 >>No... wait... please. Stop. Wait. Don't! You monster Chapman. I can't out-run a train. Watch the train, pal. Hey, I got it. It's just a train set, only bigger. - Oh no, we're too late. - No... ...we're gonna stop that train. Come on. Somewhere around here There's got to be a big tableWith all the trains on it. He looks like the type. And this must be where he's gothis little table... I'm very sorry sir, there's simply no wayto stop that train. You don't understand, you have tostop the train. My dog and my cat are on that train. I suppose if Jon can do this, I can. Ok, we gotta find our train. Let's see what happens when I do this... << Boston Express switching to track 18. >>Oh, I'm sorry. The folks in Boston are going to be a little late today. Let's see what happens when I do this... - << Warning, Seattle Wind... >>- No, I don't care about Seattle. Ma'am, I'm looking for one train in particular. Just one second, I'm trying to findmy train. - << The New Amsterdam Ltd. >>- There's the Amsterdam. - << Warning: collision 20 seconds >>- Gosh, you sound like my mother. Hold up, everybody stop! - Five, four... - Stop what you're doing... Ok, everybody - let's take it from the top. - You have to stop that train... - Hold on. I'll be down to meet you at the station, Odie. Actually, that train has stopped. It's returning to the station. Are we on the right train? Where are ya? I think I recognise that whine. Come on: see, these are the kinda seatsyou get when you book at the last minute. Good to see you, partner. Let's get outta here. << Your attention please: the New Amsterdam Ltd. >><< Is making an unscheduled stop on Platform 12 >>- Sir, please take your seat. - No, no... my future is travelling away from me. Will ya slow down? I've been doing this running thing all day,and I am over it. We're safe now, we're free. - Oh, if it isn't Unhappy Chappy. - Going somewhere? Nice accessory, but I don't think Iwanna play dress up with you, pal. Let's get out of here. Let's beat it. Oh, right in the nose again! So it's gonna get physical, is it? Did you really think you could justrun away from Happy Chapman? Oh is this a cry for help. No dumb, dirty animal is ever gonna getthe better of me. And lets see how you feel with 200 voltscoursing through that thick canine skull of yours. - Chapman... - Come here. Get your hands off of my friend! Hey boomer, what round is it? - Good to see you, Chubby. - We're here to help - Sir Roland? - In the fur. Alright, here's the drill. Cats, scratch like you've never scratched before. Dogs, bite... but don't chew. and rats. See if you can get thatpretty necklace around his neck. Canines, Felines and Vermines... It's show time! Thanks boys. Thanks boys. The home team will take it from here. Better split before Animal Controlgets here. Hey Garfield, take it easy. Garfield good luck. Odie would you mind sharing the remote,please? Every dog has his day, Happy. - Nice Kitty. - Let's see what's on the news... Let me tell you something, Happy. To you Odie might be just a dumb, stupid,smelly dog. But to me... he's all that and much more. He's my friend. Odie, try something else. Maybe there's a game on? Strong finish little buddy. Odie, Garfield? - Odie? - Odie? Be Happy. This is for stealing my dog and my cat. He didn't steal me. I was doing the rescue work. Garfield! Odie! Come here! I missed you guys so much. I was so worried about you... Never gonna let you out of mysight again. Never. You guys are my best friends. You have me, but hello. << This is Walter J. Chapman with breaking news from >><< the Midwest. >> << Abby Shields reporting, >><< whatcha got for me, Abby? >><< Details are sketchy, but it appears that >><< a derranged man >> << may be the cause of all the trouble here. >>A derranged man? What is this? << Police are bringing the suspect out >><< as we speak >> Good grief, it's my idiot brother. Hey - that's Happy Chapman! He's going for a ride in a Police car. << But sources tell me that this incident somehow >><< involved a dog and a very heroic cat. >>- Garfield! He saved Odie. Now he's a hero! - Oh, I didn't realise. - Garfield's on TV - he's a hero! Garfield! Garfield's a hero now! Thanks everybody We're a whole street full of heroes- It's nice to be recognised by your peers. - I couldn't have done this without you. You're a really great friend. Jon, I wanna be more than your friend. - Me? - Yeah. Where do they find the energy? Yeah, just one big happy family. Yeah, right. Hit the floor. No, seriously, you can come up buddy. Seriously, come on up. Down you go. We just hit it off so well,because we both love the same thing... and that is: Me! Whoa! << I feel good >> << I knew that I would now >><< I feel good >> << I knew that I would now >><< So good >> << So good >> << I got you >> << So good >> << So good >> << I got you >> Oops Hey Odie, help me... I can't get up!

Submitted November 14, 2017 at 10:28PM by thramforthejam http://ift.tt/2AKigVV copypasta