this is a really long post
I've been living in a tiny apartment with three other people for about nine months and one of my roommates is moving out because another roommate here is hard to live with, I'll call her Mandy.
Mandy consistently keeps the sink full of dirty dishes, has her boyfriend over a lot with no warning and they sometimes cook huge meals late at night right outside of my room pretty often (I'm in college and this got really stressful during finals because at that point this was happening almost daily, she knew I was in finals week), and they'll leave huge messes, leave food out for days, fill the whole stove and counter with crap, claiming that she "pays rent so she can have anyone over whenever she wants and I need to just adapt to that when living with other people". Her boyfriend has denied ever making a mess. The thing is, she knows I have bad anxiety and don't like coming home to a bunch of noise and people right outside my door, and I pay rent too but she doesn't even think a heads up is necessary for company, she rolled her eyes at that suggestion.
I'm at my limit now because with a room opening up, we discussed making a craigslist post together to find a new roommate but she guaranteed the room to her coworker before I could even meet her, then said "I did all this work on my own to find someone" weeks after ignoring my text asking to put up a listing together, which I know she saw the same day I sent it. It wasn't hard work to invite a coworker to move in, and she refuses to hear me when I remind her that I tried to help find someone, it feels like she went behind my back. She kept saying "you did meet her though" but it was after she was planning on moving in... which Mandy fails to recognize.
Now I'm finding out that this new person will be having her boyfriend (who plays guitar and is planning on doing it here) over three or four nights a week, Mandy only emphasizes "three" because it's "only less than half the week". We have one small bathroom, a small dining room right when you walk in (no living room) and noise travels so easily because of how compact the apartment is. Mandy talked to me like I was a five year old saying "she pays rent so she can do what she wants, when you're living with people you need to expect that they'll have guests" which is true but I don't want another roommate almost half the time plus Mandy's boyfriend. We don't have the space and I prefer a quieter atmosphere, which she knows.
Before I moved in, Mandy did the same thing where she refused to compromise and offered the room to a coworker that another current roommate wasn't comfortable with. The only reason I got the room is because that coworker backed out last minute.
I know that Mandy and the new roommate coming in, I'll call her sam, wake up around 6:30 every morning and sam is incredibly talkative and has a loud voice, I told Mandy I was anxious about them waking me up with loud conversations on the weekend and she rolled her eyes and told me that she needs to get up and cook before work, ignoring my concern entirely.
Meanwhile, Mandy doesn't want anyone to flush the toilet at night because the sound bothers her (but she rolled her eyes and scoffed when I said it bothers me when people slam doors in here) and she keeps the motion light off outside because the light slightly comes through her window and bothers her so we have to come home in the dark. 80% of the refrigerator is full of her things, she regularly eats and drinks other people's things because she "thinks they were hers," at any given time she's taking up two out of four burners on the stove, and our only common area room is completely full of her plants, bottles, recycling, small furniture she puts her things on; she takes every last space for herself including kitchen storage. If you took all of her things out it would be completely empty except for a few pairs of shoes. She has 3 out of 5 shelves full of bottles in the bathroom
I wake up at least four mornings per week to the sound of loud clanging dishes and the scraping of her cast iron pan because the sink and stove are feet from my room and I rarely say anything about it, she knows it wakes me up and bothers me but she doesn't usually try to be quiet. The only things I ask for are common courtesy about noise at night and in the morning so I can sleep (about 10 pm on weeknights to 8 am weekdays, maybe 10 on weekends) and earlier today she tried making me feel guilty saying "we all have to adapt to you".
I really wanted to find a roommate who would be a good fit but I got no say in it. When I try telling her how I feel and she turns the conversation around and around, telling me "I pay rent so you have to adapt" and when I tell her she ignores my feelings she says that she doesn't, which in itself IS ignoring/invalidating my feelings. I'm trying really hard to set up boundaries and be more assertive but when I talk to Mandy she talks down to me and just tells me to "get over it" pretty much, but continues to pester me about talking things through which I really can't mentally do anymore at this point, because she doesn't listen and invalidates everything I saw. I adapt a lot already but Mandy's boyfriend plays guitar too, and I'll lose my mind if the two boyfriends are constantly here playing guitar because I know I'll hear it in my room. Even before I moved in, there was an agreement in place that this would be a quiet house since it's so small and you can hear things from every other room in your room, so this really sucks for me but I'll probably end up moving out which sucks because the rent is cheap and it's close to my college.
So, maybe manipulated isn't the best word to use, but I feel stepped on and taken advantage of. My roommate who is leaving and her mom (knows all the details and is helping her move out) think Mandy is manipulative so I don't think it's all in my head. Are these all things that I should just "adapt to?" It feels very one sided to me. Thank you for reading it all!
Submitted June 12, 2017 at 06:19AM by floorsitter100 http://ift.tt/2rQenfk badroommates
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