As I take a break from watching the resurrection of LiftLift a realization has dawned on me. During this down time between games I instinctively pick up my croquet needles because making doilies is more exciting then in-between games analyst desk. The most interesting part of these segments is whatever wacky hair-do of the week Dash will go with, and if Markz will be able to stop himself from swearing. During these breaks I like to find something more interesting to do such as sorting condiments in my refrigerator or wondering how I can get Kobe “Lovemedaddy” Hartman to show me to his red side jungle.
We are fast approaching the NA LCS finals and so, like TL, Riot needs to install some life into their falling botlane called the analyst desk. I actually think they’re doing a great job but I’m hyperbolizing for dramatic effect, pretend you didn’t read this sentence. As a viewer of LCS what is missing from the desk is someone relatable. I don’t wanna keep listening to these nerds talk about damage stats and rotations (whatever those are). I want someone who can keep it real, and say power phrases like “ready to form Voltron” and “power to the proletariat”. I could do that. I want to bring in spicy memes without sounding like an out of touch douche and my lack of inhibition and erratic word choice makes me a great colour caster (note not actually a person of colour). I know normally you put analysts on the analyst desk but I’m a wild card bitches.
I will not be including my real name during this application because I’ve made too many mistakes on this account to dare associate it with me IRL, but I still want that sweet sweet karma. Don’t judge me, you would do the same you whore.
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I am incredibly good at League of Legends. I have been playing since season 4 and have always been able to reach Silver 2. In fact, last season I reached Silver 1. I play tank top and tank jungle because skillshots are for chumps. When intoxicated I have dabbled in playing Varus ADC because I’m tilted and want somebody to kill me so that I don’t have to do it myself.
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I will bring diversity to the desk. I meet the necessary Riot employee requirements as I am a white caucasian male in my mid to late twenties, but I also have a beard AND glasses which is pretty rare. Though Jatt, and Dash, and Kobe will occasionally wear glasses they doesn’t have the Orbs of Power to commit to being bespeckled all the time, and Rivington has a glorious chin charcuterie but he doesn’t have the ultimate hipster combo of glasses + beard + pompous attitude. I will bring all of this to the table, I might even wear a toque and say that the coffee hasn’t been pressed properly.
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I am Canadian, in fact, I am a Vancouverite so we’re on my home turf. I know this crowd and I know how to keep them excited while also polite and respectful of the player’s needs because we know how to welcome people into our country (I went there, I don’t care if it’s low hanging fruit because the false sense of superiority tastes DELICIOUS). You should have realized I was Canadian from the second paragraph when I spelled the word “colour”. This was a clue to try and enhance the interactivity of my application. You can also interact by dropping me a like, a follow, and a subscription or hit me up on twitter, snapchat, myfreecam, youtube, or support@neopets.com.
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I live near UBC, the pinnacle of University League teams, and though I do not know or play with any of the players I hear that they’re really good so I’m sure just being aware of them has naturally increased my capabilities. I am also fluent in Canadian dank memes, something you Eavestroughs wouldn’t understand. There is also a noticeable lack of Canadian on the Riot team right now especially after the loss of pseudo-canadian Crumbzz. We need another Canadian as no good soldier leaves their General to fight for their country alone.
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I have been told I have a soothing voice. I am also able to change my pitch from sick Phreak to pre-pubescent Phreak. I gained this skill when I was 12 and constantly tried to sing “Take on Me” destroying my vocal chords in the process. I can cast live games with my sultry sounds and my lack of game knowledge means that I will be asking lots of questions like is Baron a kind of worm or a reptile? Why did the last Cloud drake vanish when the world needed him most? Why does my new HTC phone get such good reception compared to other popular brands?
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I have an Arts degree in Creative Writing so I would put 110% into my work because I don’t have any future aspirations and need something to fill the void before my crippling lack of self-worth consumes me (there is no longer a limit to stacks of depression). I am great at quick quips and hope to work closely with Phreak so that his terrible sense of humor will slowly kill me and my belief in wordplay so I can move on with my life
I recognize that “Wombatofwar” is both a mouthful and will get all the PC-principals up in arms about the normalization of violence so I would be happy to just be referred to as Wombat. I then found out that Wombat is already the title of an American caster, so I would be happy to shorten my name to WOW (all CAPS is important here to really embody the strong communication skills of the league community) or Womb. Alternatively a combination of the two could be great and I could be “Wow! Womb.” I think this handle would really bring everyone together with my warmth and nurturing nature.
Thank you for taking the time to read my application. I would have sent it directly to Riot but a friend recommended that the quickest way to get a positive response is to gain the support of the community, which explains how Keith has been in the LCS. If Tou can then You can too.
Vote Wow! Womb: Danks for the Memeries - Fall Out Boy (2007 - Infinity on High)
TLDR: Lima Beans are a surprisingly great source of potassium
Submitted March 11, 2017 at 05:26AM by WombatOfWar http://ift.tt/2mRuWG2 leagueoflegends
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