This one didn't happen today, but to the 12 year-old me. But I think it's worth sharing, so I'll do it anyway.
It all started with a kid after school doing whatever a kid after school does: nothing really good.
I was in the kitchen messing around with some ice (yep, I was really bored), taking them from the freezer and dishing them out in the sink to see them melting away, to see the wholes the water made in them.
After a while doing that, I looked at the now empty freezer and remembered that Dumb and Dumber scene when one of the guys gets his tongue glued to a cable car pole, and suddenly I was the Mythbuster in my family, and I had some Science to do!
I didn't think twice (do kids ever?). I put my head in there and stuck my tongue out onto the freezer back wall. The tip stuck there but as soon as I pulled away, it came off, with only a little pinch feeling. It was real! People really can get their tongue glued to something frozen! I had to do it again, for Science!
And so I did. I put a big smile on my face and there I went again, only this time I didn't want just the tip, and went instead all the way up to the middle section of my tongue, all up there against my kitchen freezer frozen wall. It was glorious! Until it was not.
I had proven my point and still had lots of useless things to take care of; it was time to get out of there. Only thing keeping me from doing exactly that was the fact that... oh... I couldn't. I was stuck. I was freaking stuck. My tongue was glued to that freaking frozen wall like it a beautiful woman to some rich, old dying man. It was not going to let go.
The fun was officially over and I was growing more and more desperate, as I tried pulling away from it, just to, well, not be able to. I started noticing some red spots on the ice and that sure wasn't helping on the psychological side of things. Not very much, at least. I had to scream for my half-deaf, great aunt's help, who was watching some Brazilian soap opera, which are known for some pretty intense yelling, across the house.
Surprisingly enough, she managed to hear me (God, I must have screamed really, really loud for that to happen), and I can only imagine WTF she thought when she came to the kitchen and saw her great nephew's ass shaking like Shakira's and his head stuck in the refrigerator.
I trusted she would come up with a great, perfectly safe plan to help me out of that pickle. Well, she did not. She basically had the same idea anyone desperate and confused enough would: she grabbed onto my hips and pulled me back as hard as her 75 year-old muscles could. It was like band aid. You do it once and you don't look back (in my case I couldn't).
When she did exactly that, I was finally out. Free! However, the freezer wall was covered in blood. The first thing I thought at the moment was 'I hope my tongue is not in there. Please, God, make my tongue still be in my motuh, like it should'. I immediately grabbed it and, phew, it was. Still in one piece! I had no idea how to explain that to the mistified old woman staring at me, so I didn't. I just up and left to the living room.
My parents arrived shortly after and saw all the blood on the freezer. My mom thought it was from some piece of meat. It was, just not the one she had in mind. She laughed so hard when I told her what happened it still haunts me to this day.
For the next two weeks after the incident I couldn't feel my tongue. Eating was hell on Earth. I was a dumber than average kid. Please don't stick your tongue on ice. Tell your kids it is not a myth, because at least one person verified it in a very, very empiric way.
TL;DR: I stuck my tongue onto the freezer wall and almost lost it. My great aunt saved me by pulling me off. I couldn't feel it for two weeks after that.
Submitted January 09, 2017 at 06:58AM by CallMeSoothSayer http://ift.tt/2jsoxzZ tifu
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