tl;dr: My new roommate is wants to be my friend but I'm really not interested in that kind of relationship, and he has already used my things and eaten my food.
A bit of backstory: my apartment complex is responsible for assigning a roommate to the other bedroom in my apartment. Last semester, the apartment complex was unable to place me with a roommate so I lived alone for those few months and loved it. I really prefer my privacy and peace & quiet, and don't want to be buddies with my roommate or really interact much at all besides friendly hello's when coming and going.
After I left in December for the holidays, I got a call from my apartment complex saying that I had been assigned a new roommate that was moving in that day. I had left a bit of a mess in the kitchen with dirty dishes and things like that, and promptly texted my new roommate to let them know that I was sorry for any mess and would have cleaned it up had I known beforehand that he would be moving in. He said it was no problem and we wished each other happy holidays - all good.
So yesterday I came back to the apartment and finally met him. He's an older guy in his late 40's going through a divorce and going back to school to get his degree. He was nice and very talkative, which is fine, but I'm not a very social person with strangers. We chatted for a few minutes and he expressed that he wanted me to meet his son who also plays guitar and could teach me some things. While I appreciated the sentiment, I'm really not interested in getting to know him/his family or taking guitar lessons from him; I just want to chill out in my room when I'm not at school or hanging out with my friends. He told me he likes to cook and asked me what kind of foods I like. I told him I'm a very picky eater and generally will just do my own thing for meals. He said he understood but still wanted to know if there was anything I particularly liked/disliked in case he made it. I told him a few things, at this point just trying to be done. I politely excused myself to take a shower and rest since I had just arrived back from a trip to NJ, and I didn't get a good look of the apartment at that time. He knocked on my door a few times to ask me random questions about computers, what kind of food I like, how to let people through the car gate, etc. I was friendly but was getting annoyed with the constant interruptions. I was just ready to go to sleep and ended up doing so around 6. He knocked on my door again around 8 or 9 to ask if I wanted a snack because he had cooked some food; I was exhausted so I ignored him because I just wanted to be alone and didn't want to deal with it right then.
This morning I woke up and went into the kitchen/living room area to find it a mess. Coffee grounds on the counter, beer stains in the refrigerator, and one of my butter knives stuck to the counter. He also used a bunch of my dishes/utensils, used my laundry detergent, and ate some of my food. Additionally, when I first walked in the apartment the day before, it smelled heavily of cigarette smoke. I know that I left the apartment in a mess when I left, but I would never have done that if I had known he was moving in. I gave him a heads up that I was coming but he I guess he didn't bother cleaning up anything (or if he did, he did an abysmal job).
I can sympathize with what he's going through with his divorce and he's a nice guy, but I didn't sign up to be his friend and I have no interest in doing so. That may sound heartless or mean, but it's simply the truth. He's told me a few times now that he made food last night that's in the refrigerator and may cook for us tonight. I appreciate what he's doing, but I really don't want his food and don't want him to bother cooking for me or continue offering me his food. I just want to have my own things, eat my own food, and peacefully coexist in the same apartment. I know that I'm not entitled to have the apartment exactly how I like it since we both pay for it (separate leases), but I do have some basic requests:
- I don't want him using any of my belongings (dishes/utensils, laundry detergent, etc.) without asking me
- I don't want him smoking in the apartment
- I don't want him to leave the common area messy after using it
- I don't want him eating/drinking any of my food/drinks
I wrote out a letter for him and printed it out but I've been hesitant about giving it to him. I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, but I also don't want things to continue in this direction. Is this letter appropriate and/or reasonable? Am I being a baby here or are my feelings justified? I'm feeling lost because I've never been in a situation like this so I would appreciate any advice you guys could give.
Link to the letter: http://ift.tt/2jm7GKU
Submitted January 10, 2017 at 01:43AM by robargarthan http://ift.tt/2ibASqp Advice
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