I've been annoyed with one of my three roommates for months, but this is the first time I've lost my temper with him. The situation is this:
He has accused me multiple times of not chipping in to do dishes. However, I've often done dishes that aren't mine. Sometimes I will leave a pot to soak in the sink overnight if I know the food is caked to the pot and soaking will make it easier to clean. Then in the morning I'll wash it--sometimes it won't still be there, as I think one of our roommates gets up early and does the dishes then for whatever reason. My bad, and I get how that may be annoying, but it's not as if I don't check on dishes, wash other people's, rewash other people's, or do my own when I use them (again, unless I'm soaking them). Past roommates have, if anything, said that I'm a neat freak and the cleanest person they've ever met. I personally think our apartment is a bit of a sty, but I've long given up on keeping it up to my standards and just try to do basic common chores.
Today I woke up from a nap to see a text from my roommate, telling me that other people need to use the sink and my "not washing dishes" was unacceptable. I was bewildered and angered by the text--not because I think I'm flaw-free, but because it felt wildly passive-aggressive. My boyfriend called shortly thereafter to talk about some stress he's been under with school; as I spoke with him I heard a light knock on the door. Thinking nothing of it, I continued my conversation--I don't feel obligated to open the door with any knock. I feel like that's a reasonable boundary. Then, ten minutes later, another light knock. Then, another ten minutes later, I heard someone POUNDING ON MY DOOR. Alarmed and thinking there might be some sort of emergency, I went to the door with the phone still in my hand, telling my boyfriend I needed to make sure everything was okay. All the roommate wanted was to ask if I'd gotten the text about the dishes, though at this point he had sent it only a few hours earlier. I told him (without yelling, at all) that I was on the phone and shut the door. I was irritated, but honestly I was so surprised that someone would pound on the door for something so inconsequential that I was more startled than anything else. Then I hear him fuming in the hallway: "No need to be so rude!" Wanting to nip conflict in the bud, I opened the door and briefly told him that I needed to continue my phone conversation, but if he wanted to speak with me about issues with the apartment, he could knock on my door later. I asked him (politely, in my opinion) to not send passive aggressive texts if he needed to talk about something. He then walked back and basically started grilling me about the issue while I was still on the phone, so that I had to hang up on my boyfriend (after apologizing to him) and felt forced into a conversation. It turned out that the pot he was accusing me of not washing wasn't even mine! But according to him, the other roommates (who I never speak to and haven't for the two years I've lived here, simply because they're never here) are angry with me as well and said it wasn't their pot. I will say to you reddit: It's not my pot! Because I did use it and I specifically remember washing it, setting it on a pot holder to dry, washing my face, and going to bed. At this point, he in essence called me a liar and said they've never had issues until I moved in. All I can say is that maybe someone is blaming their negligence on me or misremembering what they used. I have such a distinct memory of washing it and know I'm right in this one case.
A lot of word salad. But here's how I feel: On one level, I think everyone should keep an eye on dishes in an apartment with four people and few dishes. I don't mind doing that. What I do mind is:
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Being painted as the sole problem in the apartment. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I was also blamed for the fridge being full, even though I clear it out--throwing out things that aren't even mine but have mold on them--about once a week. At the time I was blamed for this, I had also been the only one in the apartment for a week--if anyone had left food in the refrigerator before vacation, why would it be me? I had been there and had been frustrated that it had been so full. The point being: Why me? Because I'm the newest roommate, even though I've been there two years without problems until this year?
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My roommate feeling like he can pound on my door and demand a conversation about something so inconsequential at any time he wants. He also regularly traps me in conversations in the hallway when I'm trying to use the bathroom or get a drink, even if I indicate multiple times I'm busy or want to leave or do something. To me, pounding on my door like one would do in an emergency is a huge violation of my boundaries--over DISHES.
When I say I've had other problems with this roommate, they're basically the above: blaming me for everything, playing loud music and then passive aggressively insisting "I must just have good ears" when I mention it, terrible B.O., trapping me in conversations, insulting the region I'm from (the American South) constantly, and filling the hallways with weed smoke (I don't mind smokers, but he has a fire escape he could easily blow it out on).
I just want to get along until I can eventually move out. What should I do?
Submitted December 13, 2016 at 03:37PM by kit4d http://ift.tt/2hprpJD badroommates
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