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Well, supportive Reddit strangers, I stayed strong and broke up with Jenna Thursday evening. This has honestly been the most dramatic couple of days of my entire life. I am exhausted. Things got pretty ugly on her part. Sorry that this is so long, a lot happened.
At the suggestion of my friends, mother, brother, and many of you, I talked to her in a private but still public place. The thought behind that was that someone who can be so cruel and reveal herself as a liar is potentially capable of trying to turn things around on me and say that she left me because I hurt her or some other nonsense. I'd like to think she wouldn't do something like that, but who knows, especially after everything that has happened. Better safe than sorry.
I thought about just boxing up her stuff and breaking things off with no explanation. But it has been over 2 years together, I decided the best thing to do is to confront her calmly and then hear her out. If she had an explanation, I wanted to hear it, even if it didn't change my decision to break up with her. So I took her to a wine bar in downtown that has those little individual booths with half curtains.
She's been sugary sweet since Monday. Which tells me she either a) felt guilty about what a jerk she was, b) thought I might have heard her, or c) she just knew I'd been acting distant and was totally clueless as to why. So she dressed up really nice and, despite everything that has happened, I can admit that she looked stunning. She was also very affectionate and kept making a lot of sexy comments about all the things she wanted to do to me later. Normally, my precious little baby carrot would have been thrilled by this, but given the circumstances, it was difficult to hear and act normal.
I had rehearsed what I was going to say to her over and over so as soon as we sat down and got our wine, I started. I can't remember word for word, my adrenaline was kicked in pretty high gear so it feels fuzzy. I basically started by saying how much I've loved her, how she's the only woman that I've ever felt connected to so profoundly that I opened myself up to her completely and trusted her. I told her that she's the only woman I've ever thought about marrying, that I've gone ring shopping for (I left out the part about how I already bought a ring), and that I've actually imagined having children with in the next few years. She kept interrupting me to say "aw" or to tell me how much she loves me, too.
Then I looked her in the eye and asked her point blank why, if she loved me so much, she horrendously made fun of me to Dylan.
I have to say, the look on her face was a bit satisfying.
As expected, she denied at first and acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. She said Dylan knows how much she loves me and that she's never made fun of me to him. I kind of just looked at her and said something like "come on, Jenna." But she still denied even after I told her that I'd come home early on Monday and had heard her.
It was pretty frustrating but I kept my cool. I just told her that she and I both know she's lying and that the things she said were unforgivable and that I couldn't wrap my mind around why she would say things like that to anyone, let alone Dylan, especially because she was lying just to be able to rag on me.
Still denied and acted like I was crazy, she said she loves me so much, that she's not dissatisfied with our sex life and would never say she was or complain about my size, and that she knows how smart and sweet I am, that's why she loves me.
If I hadn't heard what she said to Dylan myself, I would have believed her. She deserves an Oscar for that performance. Some commenters asked if I was sure she was talking about me when I overheard her. When she was talking about her ex bf and his kraken of a dick, she said my name when she was making the comparison. I'm definitely sure that she was talking about me and that she was lying to my face about it.
I told her that I would drive us home and she could grab the essentials she needed and her dog. My brother and his girlfriend would be at the house, too. I wanted to make sure there were other people there just to have witnesses that I let her get her stuff and didn't do anything aggressive or destructive. I told her I'd pack the rest of her stuff up and leave it out for her to get whenever she could.
She was in total disbelief that I was actually breaking up with her. She pleaded with me but my mind was/is made up and I wasn't budging. It was hard not to cry in front of her though when she kept saying how much she wanted to be with me forever and that she had planned to be the mother of my children someday.
I own my house and since Jenna hasn't helped with expenses by paying any rent or utilities, I wasn't too concerned about, putting it bluntly, kicking her out. She kept asking me what she was supposed to do and where was she supposed to sleep? I told her it wasn't really my problem anymore and that she has plenty of friends she can stay with until she gets her own place. Basically all of the furniture and decor is mine, she just has clothes/toiletries/etc. to get out. All of the "redecorating" she did to my house was done on my dime.
Then came the waterworks. She started crying and saying that she didn't understand how I could do this to her. She said she thought I was a nice guy about a million times.
I told her I am a nice guy, which is why I didn't just throw her stuff on the front lawn, change the locks, and give her no explanation.
Then, I swear to you, this woman dug the knife in even deeper. She said she didn't know why she said those things to Dylan (she finally acknowledged it!) and that maybe it's because Dylan brings out the best in her and she's able to laugh about things that would normally make her cry. I guess like my penis?
I told her that it's really sad to me if what I heard was her at her best. It was petty and usually I'm above making snide comments, but I told her that she can go back to her hometown and go live with Dylan or her 9 inch dick ex boyfriend.
It was amazing to watch how fast those tears disappeared.
Apparently I am an asshole, I don't know how to treat women, I'm a loser, my penis is tiny, I'm going to be alone forever, she never really loved me and I was more like a friend but she didn't want to hurt me so she stayed with me (makes a lot of sense...?), she would have said no if I'd proposed, again, I am a loser and an asshole, and in case I didn't get it the first time, she meant it when she said my penis was a baby carrot. Oh, and I will die alone.
I told her dying alone is preferred to dying married to a woman who is cruel and doesn't love or respect me.
No joke, she started to scream. Not words, just a long, extremely loud scream. It was alarming and then she just booked it out of there after calling me a disgusting pig.
After paying the bill and apologizing to the waiter about the drama, I left and Jenna was just standing outside crying. I know what she did was horrible and all the things she said just a few minutes earlier were horrible, but... I still didn't like seeing her like that and didn't want to just leave her on the sidewalk. I'm in New England, it's already pretty cold here. So I told her to let me give her a ride back to the house so she could get her stuff but that she needed to leave and go stay somewhere else as soon as she packed a bag.
She agreed and we didn't talk at all in the car. Talk about an awkward ride. My brother and his wife were at the house when we got there. His wife stayed inside while Jenna got some stuff together and my brother waited outside with me.
That went by pretty uneventfully and she had a girlfriend come pick her up. I got my key back from her before she left. She texted me throughout the night and the texts ranged from sorry to sad to angry to really angry and back again. I didn't answer any of them and only texted her yesterday morning to tell her that her stuff was on the porch and that she should come pick it up while I'm at work.
I didn't hear from her all day until it was almost time for me to go home. Pretty nasty text wishing me about every ill you can wish a person. I didn't answer.
Well, I came home to a disaster zone. She smashed everything. I don't know if she had made a spare key at some point that I was unaware of or if she knows how to pick locks, but she got in to the house somehow and she destroyed it. She smashed stuff that's irreplaceable, she ripped up the furniture, she clogged two sinks and left the water running, she left my refrigerator open and threw food all over the kitchen. It was wrecked. The only considerate thing she did was lock my two dogs up in a bedroom, I guess so they didn't cut themselves on glass or eat the food.
I have two vehicles, one for everyday use and then an SUV for work. I use the SUV for when I make house calls and may have to bring a large or exotic animal into the vehicle to transport it to the clinic. In the middle of all the drama, I'd forgotten I'd given her a key to the SUV in case she ever had an emergency and needed to drive somewhere. I went out to check the car and she trashed the inside of it, too. She dumped flour all over the inside in addition to tomato soup.
The stuff is just stuff, I suppose. It's more the fact that she could do something so childish and awful on top of everything else. It blows my mind. Last weekend I took her to a play, went out with her and friends, we played Monopoly one night and made up our own drinking game with it, we hung out and watched Netflix, made love several times. And this weekend my house and vehicle are destroyed and so am I. Amazing how fast things change.
Not my finest moment, but I was so pissed off that I got right on to Costco's instant delivery and ordered 20 5lb bags of baby carrots and had them shipped to her friend's place, addressed to Jenna. 100lbs of baby carrots. They deliver within an hour. I got a slew of interesting and insulting texts from her that evening. Yes, it was petty, but the only regret I have about it is that it was a waste of food. Hopefully she donates them or cooks some of them or something.
So, that's that. I blocked her last night after the nasty texts from her just kept coming. I'm feeling pretty beaten down right now and I've cried more than I have in a long time. It's obvious that I made the right choice; Jenna is clearly not emotionally stable or mature. She really is cruel and I know I do deserve better.
I have spent a lot of time since Monday thinking about myself as a partner and trying to figure out what could have led to her obviously having some resentment or something for me. I'm going to be 100% honest here. I work a lot. I try to still make time for the people I love and I try not to bring work home with me when I've had a bad day. But sometimes I do, I know this. Jenna and I have fought about it before and I have really tried to pace my days a certain way so that I can get home at a reasonable time and I've tried to leave bad days at work as much as I can.
However, anyone who is a vet or has worked with one knows we're always on call for emergencies. Sometimes we have patients that we have to check on or stay with throughout the night. Time off can be challenging. It's doable, but it's challenging. My staff is incredible and can handle most situations, but I do still get a lot of calls or texts from them when I'm on vacation or off for the day.
I'm sure there have been times when Jenna felt second best to my job. Well, I guess I know there have been, she's told me as much in the past. I did try to make changes but there's only so much I can do. As far as I can remember, I've never been purposely mean to Jenna. I've had bad days and been grumpy or absent, we've had our share of disagreements and fights but nothing unhealthy or excessive. I really thought we had a solid relationship and that we were both happy. I know I was.
It's hard to not question myself and wonder if I really am a let down or if I neglected her to the point that she felt unloved enough to act the way she did. I don't know, but I do know that no matter what, the way she put me down and the way she reacted to breaking up was way, way out of line. I didn't deserve that and that's on her.
So thank you for rooting for me, Reddit. It's been great to read all the nice words and advice. Time for me and my baby carrot to eventually find a woman who appreciates us for what we are.
tl;dr: I broke up with Jenna Thursday night. Did not go well. She got nasty and ended up destroying my house, car, and me. But I did it, it's over, and I've blocked her from my phone/social media. I also sent her 100lbs of baby carrots in a moment of angry weakness.
Submitted October 09, 2016 at 03:38AM by throwawayacct987o http://ift.tt/2dJBOyF relationship_advice
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