I made pot roast today. I love pot roast. It reminds me of Sunday dinner at my grandfather's house with the world's fattest cat sitting on the table next to my grandfather's elbow. So every once in a while (when I know my freezer is full, usually) I splurge and buy a cut I can use and spend half the day making mental calculations about when it will be done and defending the refrigerator against incursions of angry natives. Tonight's extremely tasty version included potatoes and carrots and dumplings (miscalculated on the bread, so we'll have that tomorrow) and a side of steamed broccoli, and all day, all I heard was "something smells good!" "what's for dinner?!?" and "when do we EAT??!?" from various mouths. So I was excited and happy. Everyone at the table. Bowls of deliciousness steaming in front of them. Dad. Kids. I was mucking around in the kitchen getting my own food, and the silence was amazing. So I called out, "does everyone like it? Is that why it's so quiet?"
Crickets.
Whaaat?? So I go out and look. They're all staring at the television. No food moving anywhere. I grumble something at Dad, who fucking well knows better, and turn the TV off. Go back out to the kitchen and chase the fat paws away from their intended target, which was my bowl.
NOW they're talking.
"Oh, are these carrots? I don't really like the texture of carrots."
"Where did these potatoes come from? But which store? Because I don't like them."
"I don't know why your mum keeps trying to make me eat broccoli..."
"I don't like broccoli!"
"I would rather be eating--"
So I said,
"ANYONE WHO FEELS LIKE SHARING ANY MORE OPINIONS ABOUT THE FOOD IN FRONT OF THEM CAN LEARN TO COOK."
The rest of the meal was consumed in silence.
Submitted September 18, 2016 at 02:11AM by BumblingHypotenuse http://ift.tt/2cS9FWj breakingmom
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