Yesterday is when I realized I have been afflicted with crippling alcoholism cripplingalcoholism

Enter me, a young man on the cusp of achieving greatness and success both academically and socially.

Enter drunk me, a young man on the cusp of vomiting all over himself and spewing verbal diarrhea on any and every unfortunate citizen who crosses his path.

It was yesterday that I finally realized that I am indeed, a CA.

When I was younger I stuck to pot, opiates and psychedelics. When I was younger I had money to buy the aforementioned substances.

Now I am older, without a job and able to actually buy alcohol.

I digress, onto my story:

It was a typical Saturday morning for me, I woke up next to a girl I don't deserve to be with on a blowup mattress that smelled like mold and semen - in a basement that you guessed it, happened to be owned by my parents.

I collected myself and stumbled out of the tiny corner in which I called home and over to my half-functional refrigerator in said basement to find 3/4 of a handle of Vladimir brand vodka; that was the only thing in said refrigerator.

I threw on my deceiving suburban-white-boy-with-his-shit-together outfit. Which happened to be a pair of khakis, leather wing-tipped shoes and a nice collared shirt and headed out to a family function with the girl of both my wildest dreams and crippling nightmares.

I mingled with family and friends, convincing them all that I did have my shit together - when in reality, if you couldn't already tell from what I've written above is absolutely not the case at all.

I went home, and it was about 3:30 in the afternoon.

I happened to have been thrown a dimebag from a cool cousin of mine and proceeded to smoke it all in about 5 whole minutes, completely unaware that this marijuana was probably medical grade.

I figured: Why, not have a drink? It's Saturday after all! This was the worst mistake I could have possibly made, four vodka and Redbulls later, my as intended quiet afternoon had turned into a one man bacchanal in my basement - in which I consumed the rest of that handle of disgusting Vladimir vodka in just under an hour and a half.

Now if I was just drunk, I would've been able to handle it a lot better - but the pot of course paralyzed me to no end, and once all the alcohol was metabolized I had reached a plateau of drunkenness that I never had the pleasure of reaching.

I had reached the cerebral palsy level of drunk, and thought I was going to die there on that blowup mattress while Led Zeppelin II blared over my stereo.

I don't remember anything after that, I woke up 4 hours later to a livid girlfriend screaming at me to get myself together.

I opened my eyes, and smelt something awful. I looked down to see myself covered in vomit, my pants soiled with both feces and urine, and my head feeling like I had just been beaten half to death with a crowbar.

Now for most of you in the subreddit, this is a typical day. The reason why I know this wasn't just a one-off party day is because unlike a normal person who would stay away from the sauce for a while, I went out and bought another handle of Vladimir vodka and did it all over again today.

I don't know what to do.

Submitted May 18, 2015 at 10:37AM by Mixolydians http://ift.tt/1ddmo4i cripplingalcoholism