Hi reddit,
I think I might already know the answer to this one: stop worrying so much, set a time to meet up and discuss ground rules, and it'll just be fine.
But til then, I can't seem to stop worrying about what might/might not go wrong next year. So part of this question is also how to put down a worry that I can't solve, and focus on the present moment. I actually have a lot I need to be working on right now for both my job and classes, and it seems like I'm using this fear to procrastinate. Idk. I can't seem to stop thinking about it.
I'm a student in college and am rooming with 4 other girls in a small house, a bus ride away from campus. Until next year, I'll have lived within walking distance to campus. So that's one thing. The main thing I keep worrying about is I really don't actually know these girls THAT well. I know one of them very well, we're friends/current roommates and I'm confident we will be fine next year. The other two girls I only know through my roommate. this is their second year living together, enxt year will be their third. That gives me confidence that they must be good people to live with ... idk. I HAVE met them, of course, and have generally felt comfortable with them. It's just I've really only hung out with them while house hunting. I'm so nervous that maybe we're not as compatible as I thought, when it comes down to it, I think I am really caught up on wanting them to like me. It seems like they do, and I guess i am just afraid of having roommates that don't like me. Seems like something I just need to get over. The thing is, it kind of takes a lot for me to not like someone, or for me to be upset with someone. I'm very confident in my ability to talk through conflicts/bring up something that I don't like. So when I think of possible things that can go wrong, I'm just afraid if they don't like me, all the possible roommate problems might ensue. Idk.
The other girl, I am pretty much positive, does not like me. I think our personalities just clash a little bit. She also is just not very friendly. I say, okay, whatever, that is totally fine, we do not need to be best friends - like I said, it's not like I dislike her, and i rarely spend my energy on disliking someone. But it's hard not to worry, and I just want next year to go smoothly in terms of housing. I have so much to worry about with jobs and school, especially next year, that I am so worried about having to be worried about roommates. It is pretty silly right now, but I can't stop thinking about it, especially since my roommate came home from work today, where she works with this girl, and told me that this girl had been acting the same way towards her.
She has always been very standoffish towards me, and when we were househunting, would always say things that either had the tone or words to the effect of "you're stupid." This was sort of a warning flag for me, because it was basically anytime I said anything (miscellaneous house/rent questions or suggestions) to the group, she'd shut me down with either the idea that it's not something we need to worry about or that i'm just plain wrong, without really explaining why i'm wrong. Reflecting on it, i'm kinda afraid this is a bigger warning sign than I was allowing myself to see. I kind of just thought that since housing is a stressful topic for any college student, perhaps that makes communication difficult and maybe that's why she acts that way. But like I mentioned before, my current roommate works with her and tells me she has been acting very snobby/standoffish towards her as well. It's all very strange, when we first met her, she seemed friendly but reserved. Idk. Even when we were signing the lease, I'd ask a question to the landlord, and she would respond, with that same sort of tone. By that point, i really couldn't quite change my mind :/ that was still really strange. I almost think that since no one would do that to be mean, maybe I am just misinterpreting her tone/words/intentions. Maybe she really was trying to help... It was just strange and looking back on it i wonder why no one really said anything afterward :/ I don't want to say anything to her about any of this; my hope is that as time goes on, things will just get better - since we haven't had any legit conflicts or fights, there's not really room or reason for me to confront her "about why i think she is maybe being rude but i can't actually tell." but it truly makes me very uncomfortable.
My hope is that i'm right, that it was just a stressful time in the year. Or, even if she continues to be this way towards me/others, it won't be an obstacle unless we let it be. Last summer I roomed with girls I had never met before. One girl reallllllly didn't like me, and was difficult in general (she'd leave raw meat in the freezer and refrigerator, wash it in the sink and then NOT wash the sink, keep things in the fridge for forever - and we would confront her and tell her about how it's not safe and she needs to stop - and she would sometimes flat out ignore me without looking at me, or she'd listen to others but not do it.) In that situation, I just didn't let it get to me, and just kept doing my part as a roommate. But that was only for 2 and a half months, and we weren't in school. I'm very nervous about this type of situation with school year stress and for an entire 12 months.... Though I sort of don't think this girl i'm describing can be as bad as this summer roommate, and even then, we were all still a functioning household with the bad roommate.
Any advice on how I might prevent roommate problems? I'm thinking we should definitely get lunch sometime this semester and just go over expectations for next school year. The catch, to me, is that we've already signed the lease. I feel almost silly trying to create rules now, when basically, we all have to live together anyway. I don't know. I would love to set up some ground rules, i am just afraid that even suggesting it to them might make me look stupid (especially after all those interactions with that girl I mentioned). Idk. I still think it'd be helpful? or is it kind of silly at this point? we kind of only briefly went over ground rules while we were househunting. we agreed we'd want to set up a "chores schedule" so everyone alternates duties, and that we'd be clean, wouldn't have a lot of friends over, wouldn't party, don't smoke, etc. I'm just so nervous about these things being forgotten since this was all very casual, not written down, just kinda like "you all don't smoke, right? 'yeah of course not!" "we'll be clean right?" "yeah yeah of course!" soooo idk. I think i'd prefer to have like a casual lunch meeting, but actually take note of the things we want to do next year. not to be all creepy and "get things in writing," but pretty much to be creepy and get things in writing. maybe that's too much. i was thinking we could put it on a googledoc so we don't forget about the ideas/rules ; we all shared googledocs when we were looking for housing.
But how do i stop worrying about something like this right NOW and focus on what i need to do? I am hoping typing this out will help. I guess by doing this I am kind of hoping someone can tell me as long as I trust myself to do the right thing next year, there can't be a problem if I don't allow it.... But I think right now I just really need to buckle down and focus on the things that are due within 12 hours >.<
Submitted April 05, 2015 at 07:58AM by confusedgopher http://ift.tt/19TAJjF Advice
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