So my therapist and I have been thinking about the fact that I could be Bipolar.
(Optional Read) A list of my current diagnosis's Agrophobia, Social Phobia, ADHD, dysthemia, depression, general anxiety, PTSD
Medications I've tried and didn't work: Webultrin XL, Effexor, Fluoxetine (Prozac), Atarax, Ambien, Sonata, trazadone, benedryl. Most of these had the side of effect of making twice as irritable and hostile. I even tried to kill my dog, and my fiance while on Effexor. Atarax makes me twice as anxious and the sleep meds just made me groggy and not fall asleep.
What I am on right now: Adderall XR 20mg, Lunesta 2mg (PRN)
(Main Post) Sorry about the above but because it's my first time posting I figured you might need a little medical background, maybe.
So I see my Psych MD at my local Mental Health Dept. tomorrow, but I don't know what to tell her. It's like the minute I sit in that chair and they start doing the DSM thing and asking me for examples I freeze up.
I started writing things down (I was given a handbook ob bipolar and the criteria by my therapist) in regards to points in the book but there are so many things that even with a web search I don't understand what it means.
So I'm going to ask you guys for a little help so I know if I experience this or not here is goes.
Pressured Speech - Making grandiose gestures or wordplay: singing. My example would be that I cannot for the life of me talk without using my hands. Like hands all over the place making big gestures, and I sing stupid songs all the time. I can literally look at anything in a room and just make a song and sing it as loud and annoying as humanly possible to purposely annoy people, or (which happens more often) I have to or I am anxious, if get extremely anxious if I don't do that hands thing as well.
Being prone to monologues outside awareness <- what the hell does that even mean? I have a constant inner monologue that I can't stop and it literally disrupts what I am doing. If I inner monologue while driving I forget I am in the car and have almost gotten into accidents because of "daydreaming" which is what is basically is for me.
Risky behavior - okay I don't do drugs or have promiscuous sex because I am in a relationship, and I have social anxiety and that goes outside my comfort zone, but I know for a fact (because I haven't always had SA) that I would cheat on my fiance, I think about it all the time. I have smoked pot behind his back, and he is so against that, but it was once and I had a panic attack thinking he would leave me, so I never did it again. I do often spend tons of money. I dropped $1000+ on comics in September. Best part I didn't have $1000 to spend. I maxed out my credit card. I do speed when I drive, a lot, I've never ever been pulled over and I often have a feeling of invincibility (i.e. I'll never get caught speeding). Any time I drink alcohol I over drink, and get so drunk its hard to tell if I should be taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning or if I am not as drunk as I think I am, I force myself to throw up so I'm not drunk anymore (which actually doesn't work, that all in my head).
Behavioral symptoms - changing appearance, dress, makeup to appear more attractive/flamboyant - I don't think I consciously do this to be more attractive, but I literally scrapped my whole wardrobe two years ago to be Sweet Lolita, then again to be "normal", then again in September to wear all Deadpool stuff. Like I literally have 13 DP tee's that I have an order to wearing so I wear them all for an equal time. My new thing is that I absolutely need to get my hair cut and colored, I'm having anxiety because it's been almost a year since I change my physical appearance and not just my clothes. I also need a tattoo. I'm having anxiety because I don't have these things, I need to do these things NOW, not later, not a week from now, not a month from now, NOW. I don't have the money but I'm going to spend it anyways so, yeah...
Last one I swear.
- Congitive Symptoms - altered perceptions of smell, hearing, and vision - I often don't hear people correctly, I'd say at least 1/3 of the time, I'll be like "What, the refrigerator is bouncing on a trampoline, that doesn't make sense." - "That isn't even close to what I said, where you even listening?" I genuinely think that is what they said, like all the time, every single day, this happens at least once to 10 times. I don't know if this is part of the distractability or not.
So I'm not trying to self diagnose, I wanted to repeat that just in case. I just really want to make sure I understand these things before I go into see my MD and shes like no this is what that is, do you have an example, and me being like "Er Duh, nope!" cause if someone asks me something on the spot its like my brain fly's out the window. So I'd rather be prepared with examples and her say no that doesn't really fit, then not have an example at all and her have nothing to go on besides me saying Yes I do that, but I can't tell you an example or how often. Because anyone can say yeah I do that.
Even without these few points I (too me and my fiance) fit most the criteria. More than enough already to be diagnosed, but I want to make sure I understand everything fully before I go into the office blind.
So any corrections or help is fully appreciated :) If BP gets ruled out we will be looking into more severe depressive mood disorders to this is more of a rule out stage.
Submitted March 09, 2015 at 12:09AM by Eris_Grun http://ift.tt/192L6lI bipolar
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