Thankfully, this didn’t actually happen today. No, this occurred during a dark and terrible time before reddit or TIFU existed. I believe I was about four or five at the time, so I would guess almost twenty years ago.
At this point in my life I was old enough to understand the idea of responsibility. Because of this, my parents decided that I would be able to grow as a person if I had a pet. Unfortunately, my dad hated dogs and my mom hated cats, so here began the long list of small rodents and aquatic creatures. Now it’s no mystery that most of the critters that fall into those categories are less “durable” than your larger mammals, but my family had particularly bad luck in this regard.
I had a hamster first, and after a few months he clawed himself to death in the middle of the night, which (other than bringing up some interesting philosophy questions) severely traumatized my impressionable young self. After this, Hamster part deux was adopted, but he got sick shortly after and died.
After struggling on the mammalian front, my family decided to delve into the dark side and try out some cold-blooded animals. We bought a frog from a pet store, but he croaked (I’m clever, I know) after my aunt failed to feed him for us when we went on vacation. The last disaster that affected my household was when one of our three lizards decided to go on a homicidal rampage and kill his two cohabitants.
Now before I get to the FU, I will say that none of these were necessarily my fault, as my parents delegated the task of playing with the pets to me while handling all caregiving themselves. I doubt that they dropped the ball, I just think something was wrong that we didn’t understand or couldn’t affect. Even though I did my assigned job, I felt the weight of their deaths on my adolescent conscience, and was determined to make amends with the universe.
My parents, tenacious even in the face of pet death, decided to give me another shot. They got a decently sized tank and about a dozen guppies or other small fish, I don’t really remember. The tank was mostly for their enjoyment, but every once in a while, if I asked they would let me feed the fish (with their supervision of course). This was fine until the FU…
One day I was watching television in the living room, and I wanted a snack. I walked past the fish tank and into the kitchen, climbed onto the counter, and grabbed the bag of pretzels off the refrigerator. Forever planning ahead, I made sure to pour myself a glass of milk to wash down the salty sticks. As I headed back to the couch, I saw the tank.
That fateful day the single most stupid thought that has struck anyone to date graced the mind of yours truly. We feed those fish every day, but we never give them anything to drink. THEY MUST BE THIRSTY. Without hesitation I offered my humble glass of milk to my doomed pets. I watched in horror as the temperature and pH change started affecting the little guys. Freaking out, I called for my parents who rushed downstairs to see a terrified, crying child and a fish tank that was starting to look like… well like an idiot kid poured milk into it I guess. Thanks to their quick work, a few of the fish were saved, but the others were prematurely put out to Pasteur (I told you I was clever, didn’t I?).
TLDR: Idiot kid thinks fish are thirsty, pours them a refreshing glass of milk. Doesn’t have a pet for the next 18 years because trauma.
Submitted February 14, 2015 at 12:47AM by rikente http://ift.tt/1DO94wo tifu
No comments:
Post a Comment