Its the dead of night and Jimmy Chonga’s piece of shit 1991 Toyota Corolla slams into Erik Von Jarrett’s condominium mailboxes sending all manner of packages and envelopes flying in the air. A severely inebriated “Vile” Vic Studd falls out of the driver seat along with a half bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey with the car still running while “Never” by Moving Pictures still plays over the car’s speakers. With a cigarette jutting out the side of his mouth, Vic gets up and dusts himself off throwing dance punches and kicks as he sings along with the music.
Vic Studd: (singing… terribly) Oh you know he don't love you like I do; Don't make believe that you don't feel it tooooooo… whooooo… You can never never never ever ever….
Vic grabs the bottle of Jameson and takes a swig before he opens the back seat door on the driver side and grabs a stack of what looks like DVDs. He slams the door and starts dance fighting his way to the staircase leading to Erik Von Jarrett’s 2nd floor condo. He passes a planter and yanks out a grouping of flowers, roots and all and whistles his way up the steps.
Vic Studd: (talking to himself) Okay. Focus. It was all a rib. You said some things, I said some things. The important thing is we act like adults and move on… keep cashing those cereal checks. Know what I mean?
Vic continues to rehearse his spiel as he ascends the staircase. He reaches Erik’s front door and turns the knob only to slam right into it. Confused, Vic takes a step back and starts fumbling around for his keys when the front door opens to reveal Erik Von Jarrett, wearing only a pair of plaid pajamas, bruises all over his body and two horrible looking black eyes. Vic holds out the flowers and booze and flashes a shit eating grin.
Vic Studd: VeeJay!
Erik Von Jarrett: Vic… what the FUCK are you doing here?
EVJ clenches his fist and blocks Vic from entering. He instinctively glances back towards his bedroom where Barbara is still sleeping.
Vic Studd: Look… I know things got a little out of hand. You said some things, I said some things. I just want to know I forgive you and-
Erik Von Jarrett: You need to leave, NOW.
Vic Studd: Is that anyway to treat a friend?
Erik Von Jarrett: You’re plenty of things, Vic. A friend is not one of them. I’m not even sure you know the meaning of the word. Please leave.
Vic Studd: I get it.
Vic turns to walk away, before spinning back around and slamming into the door sending Erik Von Jarrett stumbling back. Vic marches into the apartment like he owns the place and takes a look around. The soft sounds of Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraska can be heard coming from the bedroom.
Vic Studd: Ugh… I fucking hate The Boss. Jesus. (Vic looks around the apartment) The fuck happened here?
It takes every ounce of strength for Erik not to completely snap. He balls up his fists even tighter and positions himself inbetween Vic and the hallway to his bedroom.
Erik Von Jarrett: You don’t remember? You took EVERYTHING. Then you went and had Chipotle
Vic Studd: Oh yeah… well, fair is fair. You owed me a winner's purse.
Erik closes his eyes and begs for serenity. He can’t do anything. Not now. Not with Barbara in the other room. What would she think?
Erik Von Jarrett: Vic, you need to leave now. It’s over. The Nation is over. Get out, now.
Vic Studd: What’s the rush? I brought you flowers, some interracial porn. Look here, I got “How Stella Got Her Tube Packed”, “Dyke Hard”, I even got a nice period piece for you, “L.A. Contraceptive”. Besides its not like.. (Vic sniffs the air a couple times) is that… is that BOO-DISSY?
Erik Von Jarrett: Vic-
Vic Studd: Booty Dick and Pussy. I knew it. You have a lady here, don’t ya? (Vic gestures to EVJ’s battered body) Not bad, all things considered, what with your current condition. She must be quite the catch. Deuce? Deuce and a half? Mind if I get a little looksee?
Vic heads tries to pass EVJ and head down the hallway, Erik plants a palm in his chest and forces Vic back. He is losing his patience.
Erik Von Jarrett: No, Vic. Leave, NOW!
Vic Studd: So uptight. Come on, its not like it’d be the first-
Erik’s bedroom door opens to reveal Barbara standing there with only a blanket wrapped around her.
Barbara: Erik, what’s going on?
Vic glances over Erik’s shoulder and locks eyes with Barbara.
Vic Studd: Babs?
Barbara: Vic?
Erik Von Jarrett: You two know eachother…?
Vic’s gaze darts back and forth from Erik to “Babs”. Finally, settling on Erik Von Jarrett as sirens go off.
Vic Studd: You son of a bitch.
Vic cold clocks Erik Von Jarrett with a roundhouse right dropping him down to the floor. Vic starts kicking EVJ repeatedly in the ribs as Von Jarrett turtles, trying to protect himself.
Barbara: Vic, STOP! I didn’t realize…
Vic stops for a moment and approaches Barbara with fire in his eyes. She slinks behind the door, tears streaming down her face.
Vic Studd: The fuck is this, Babs!?
Barabara: He didn’t know- Ahhhhhhh!!!
Erik Von Jarrett taps into a well of adrenaline and tackles Vic from the side. Erik mounts on top of Vic and starts slamming repeated shoot fists into his face, spraying blood everywhere.
Barbara: Vic! Erik! STOP! PLEASE!
Vic reaches behind him and manages to get a hold of the bottle of Jameson and smashes it across the side of Von Jarrett’s head, shattering it. Vic scrambles to his feet, but the bottle shot doesn’t leave Erik Von Jarrett down for long as he gets to his feet, ignoring the searing pain shooting up his injured knee. He rushes Vic and tackles him over the counter leading into the kitchen. Erik lands on top of Vic and headbutts him, stunning Vic as he lies on his back on the kitchen floor, clutching at his possibly broken nose as blood pours out. Von Jarrett rises to his feet, a bit wobbly on his injured leg as he looks down at Vic and then over to Barbara.
Erik Von Jarrett: Barbara… how… what is going on?
Tears continue to stream down Barbara’s face as she continues to cower behind EVJ’s bedroom door.
Barbara: Erik, I’m so sorry. Vic… Vic is my ex-husband- NO!
Erik Von Jarrett: ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!
Vic lashes out and kicks Erik directly in the kneecap buckling his leg. Von Jarrett collapses to the floor in pain clutching his leg. This time its Vic standing over Erik. He spits a mouthful of blood onto Erik as he lays into him with vicious kicks to the face and chest. Barbara runs up from behind Vic, struggling to keep the blanket from falling and exposing herself.
Barbara: Vic! VIC! STOP!
Vic turns around and shoves Barbara to the ground. He turns his attention away from Von Jarrett and begins stalking Barbara, his eyes bleeding red.
Vic Studd: Babs… you… you did this.
Barbara: No, please… I swear Vic, we didn’t know. I didn’t realize we were talking about the same person…
Vic Studd: Yeah? Well… now this is happening.
Vic grabs Von Jarrett by the hair and drags him through the apartment towards the back patio. Vic clutches onto the back of Von Jarrett’s pajama bottoms and blood soaked hair and throws him through the sliding glass door, shattering it. Von Jarrett groans in pain as he lies on a bed of glass upon the wooden deck. Several dogs in the complex start barking as Vic yanks Erik Von Jarrett up to his feet and holds him up against the railing of the balcony. Vic grips Erik by the neck, squeezing with all his might as he brushes the bloody strands of blonde hair out of his face.
Vic Studd: Tell me something, Erik. How do you properly execute a tag team break up angle?
Vic grabs Erik Von Jarrett by the throat with both hands this time and continues to squeeze. Erik croaks out an unintelligible answer as his eyes roll in the back of his head and he loses consciousness. Vic leans in and whispers in his ear.
Vic Studd: Just add water.
In one motion Vic grabs Erik Von Jarrett by the leg and dumps him over the balcony into the condominium shared swimming pool. Erik barely misses the diving board and hits the pool with a huge splash and sinks to the bottom unconscious.
Barabara: ERIK!
Barbara throws off the blanket and sprints passed Vic in all 40 something year old naked glory, paying no attention to the glass littering the back patio. She leaps over the railing and dives into the pool after Von Jarrett. Vic watches Babs dive into the pool with utter shock and disbelief at her complete disregard for her own safety.
LANDLORD: HEY! What the hell is going on out here!?
The landlord of the condominium appears in the common area in his bathrobe shouting as Barbara rescues EVJ and begins giving him mouth to mouth resuscitation by the side of the pool.
Vic Studd: SHUT THE FUCK UP! IF I WANTED ANY SHIT FROM YOU I’LL SCRAPE IT OFF YOUR TEETH!
LANDLORD: I’m done with you faggot wrestlers! YOU’RE OUT OF HERE!
Vic gives The Landlord the jerk off motion and disappears back into EVJ’s apartment. He stops by the refrigerator and grabs the three remaining beers from a six pack and walks out the door, not bothering to close it behind him. Meanwhile, Barbara cries as she cradles a battered and bleeding Erik Von Jarrett in her arms… and the scene fades to black.
Submitted February 21, 2015 at 10:14PM by neutronknows http://ift.tt/1JwsBX0 wrestlingisreddit
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