buzz therapy opiates

sorry for my therapy brothers and sisters of the poppy. words come out and i live a double life where i would never say this out loud.

my brother is a junkie like me. it runs on our side of the family. like a broken bird he comes and goes into our lives. we take him in because as users we secretly acknowledge this might be the last time we will see him. this is from a cigarette he and i shared outside mom's house. i don't smoke anymore but i would do anything to be close to my brother again for a brief moment. time passes and left us apart and changed. he told me of his visit to CA to see our uncle. i am younger and had a father but for my brother his notion of Dad is uncle ivan.

you helped me ride a bike. you held on and and jogged beside me as i pedaled blindly trusting you. and then i flew just like you said would. i became alive on your cul-de-sac as my cousins cheered...then i looked back and you had let go and i crashed to earth. but the happiness was real. you accepted me as your own though your brother was long gone down the junkie path. i knew you hated mom but you always gave us your attention, time and love. your winks and smiles got me through the worst.

now like a cockroach in the cupboard i calculate their movements in the kitchen. i know you will never walk again. the drunk driver took away your sturdy legs uncle. but when you cough, they fret and run to you. i dip into the basket of your pills by the refrigerator. the same refrigerator we ate raided for peanutbutter sandwiches and soda. so many of us come back for you were a giant uncle. its not just the respect you deserve but we hope to see you smile and wink again and to tell us its Ok like the million other times you soothed our fears...

no one will notice a few pills gone. no will notice my visits coincide roughly with Dilaudid refill dates.

my brother was sorry as he tossed the cigarette into the night. but his faraway stare had pinhole pupils. the glow of his habit made him human again for a moment. i feel for him. i wonder if i would do the same?

Submitted February 06, 2015 at 10:41AM by morbo2000 http://ift.tt/1AywyFM opiates