This happened about an hour two hours ago. I am currently locked in my room, smelling of vodka, puke and various other bodily secretions. My sister now thinks I'm an alcoholic and will probably tell my parents in the morning. Tonight I fucked up.
Today started the same as the past few, I rolled out of bed at 6 PM to the smell of dinner. Watched some TV with my parents for a bit and then went to watch youtube and browse reddit for the next few hours. At some point my sister snuck off to see a movie during this. Eventually my parents got tired and went to bed. For them the night was ending, for me it was just getting started.
The first thing I did was make a snack. I started by popping in some raman noodles into the microwave while I gathered the rest of the ingredients. Once the noodles were done I proceed to dump out all the water and replace it with a chunk of velveeta and whatever other random crap I could find in the refrigerator. Some bbq sauce here, a little tabasco there, and the packet of salt, msg, and fake chicken flavor from the raman to top it off. It isn't that great, but its the kind of stuff you make when its -30° outside and your car refuses to work.
After I finished my "meal" and gave my parents some time to fall asleep, I started feeling a little frisky so I pull up some porn. It wasn't that great, just the first thing I saw that seemed decent enough. It didn't matter though, it wasn't the main event. I went to my bed and pulled out the large box I kept under it. Its filled with various sundries that I haven't gotten around to throwing away, but it was also the resting place of the rainbow dash plush my sister gave me for christmas as a joke. I also grabbed a blue surgical glove on the way back to my computer.
A few days ago, in my horniness I thought it was a good idea to cut the seam in-between the legs of this plush, stuff a surgical glove into it, and start pumping away. It was the best thing I've ever felt. (Pun retro-actively intended.) I then proceeded to fuck the shit out of this doll for the next few days. Tonight would be no different. I sit back down, shove a glove down the hole, and start going at it with my tongue to lube it up. I must have gotten too carried away, because the next thing I know, I start puking all over the place. Thankfully the doll is mostly spared.
The floor was easy enough to clean, though I almost let loose a followup volley in the process. The doll on the other hand, I had no idea what to do with. In my panic I google it and read that vodka works well for this sort of thing. My parents are no strangers to alcohol, so sometimes if they start having a bit much I hide the bottle when they aren't looking so they don't get into too much trouble. So I quickly run down to my ever growing collection and grab a bottle. As to head back to my room, I hear the door open. My sister walks in and sees me, covered in puke, with a half empty bottle of vodka in my hand. In my panic I choose the lesser of two evils and go with the story of what it looks like in the conversation that followed and then went back into my room.
I locked the door, cleaned up the plush and that leaves me here. With a splitting headache, covered in puke and smelling like vodka. I decided that I'm already screwed so might as well chronicle my downfall on the internet. GG, no re.
TL;DR: I ate bad food, started fucking a plushie, vomited everywhere, sister found my alcohol collection while I was trying to clean it up, went with it because it was the lesser of two evils.
Submitted January 10, 2015 at 01:38PM by ponilingis http://ift.tt/1BYo1ca tifu
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