Grandmother/Uncle Narc teamed up raisedbynarcissists

My mother (in her mid 50s) has been trapped living with her Narc mother (80 something) for years since Grandad died. My uncle is the GC of the two. Increasingly my Uncle and Grandma have been teaming up to make my mother's life hell. They're hostile, and always say she is making things up. They badmouth her all day, make up horrid stories about her to tell relatives for gossip. They blame her for stealing what we KNOW they have been making "disappear". It has gotten to the point they say she, my siblings, my Husband and I have been somehow stealing things though we have refused to visit her for a year. (Got tired of her blaming my husband for stealing)

Arbitrary rules crop up all the time. For example: Mom is banned from using the refrigerator to store any of her own food, she's required to keep it in her car. She is not allowed to date. She is not allowed to have friends over. Grammy and my Uncle go through her belongings and often steal and or sell them when Mom is at work. It has gotten to the point where we had to seal all her things in bins with decorative tape like a safety seal to know what they are getting into. "I can't get in, shes got some tape crap on it now." She overheard my Uncle say one day to Grammy when they tried again, and didn't expect her home early.

My Uncle is Land Poor, Grammy gave him all of her savings and it's gone. He won't live with Grammy, or help care for her beyond occasional yardwork and begging for free things. He can do no wrong. They treat mom like scum. I have tried for years to get her to leave but she feels guilty because she promised on Grandad's deathbed she would care for Grammy, and it's obvious she is starting to go senile. I often suspect My Uncle is gaslighting Grammy to keep her on his side.

I don't see how this situation is going to ever work. How on earth can I get Mom to let her brother take what he wants so bad? Is it wrong that I think Grammy and my Uncle deserve each other and should be left to it? I just think mom should save her coins and get out!

Mom and Dad were always Narcs in my life, too. I escaped as soon as I was 18, so I'm obviously biased. But I still can't stand seeing it go on.

Submitted January 09, 2015 at 05:45AM by DireSquid http://ift.tt/17nKBl3 raisedbynarcissists