I see these questions and other related ones a lot in this sub so I thought I'd share my experience in the hopes of answering some of these questions. This will be very long and a TL;DR won't cover most of it.
A little background information about me: I'm a week shy of 22, have a beautiful daughter a week and a half shy of 1 year, and am happily engaged to her mother. I have one semester left in college and work as a third shift valet at a hotel. I have an incredibly supportive family who I am very close to and see at least once a week. We are 2 hours away from my fiance's family so she doesn't seem them very much but only her sister and dad are supportive whatsoever.
The pregnancy My fiance (then my girlfriend) and I had been living together for about a year and dating for almost 2 years when she got pregnant. It was the end of our sophomore year in college and I was working maybe 20 hours a week at a minimum wage job relying heavily on my parents, she was working full time at just above minimum wage. When we found out she was pregnant, we were leaning towards an open adoption but my brother and his roommate told me some things that made me do a 180 and made me know that I had to raise my child. So if you're in this situation you need to realize these things: you won't be Santa, you won't hear their first words or see their first steps. Their drawings won't be on your refrigerator, you won't be signing their report cards. You will never be mom/dad. If you are still in your child's life, as in an open adoption, you will be "my birth mom/dad" or "(your name)". You will not be mom/dad. If you can handle that go ahead with an adoption, but you have to be very honest with yourself. My brother's roommate told me "I don't want kids ever but if my girlfriend got pregnant I would tell her no one was raising that child but me. No one can love that child more than I will. She can give that child up for adoption but I will sign the papers." I went home and told my fiance this and she still wasn't sold on keeping our child until we heard her heartbeat for the first time, and then my fiance fell in love with our child and knew we had to keep her. The conclusion we reached was we would hate ourselves if we gave her up and we knew that it would be really hard if we raised her ourselves but if it's going to suck and our life is going to be hard, we might as well have our beautiful daughter to show for it.
Raising our child Once we decided to keep our baby, I knew I had to find a better job, hopefully one with insurance. Luckily a friend helped me get my current job that pays $10/hr plus tips and has medical, dental, and visual insurance as well as a 401(k) and paid vacation. Third shift sucks but it allows us to both work and go to school and only need a babysitter for 4 hours a week instead of using daycare, which costs a ridiculous amount. There are a lot of state programs that can help but we are trying to stay off them because we both think there are people who need it more than us. When our daughter was first born I had a lot of trouble adjusting and learning the patience a screaming baby requires but once I got the hang of it there was no stopping me. Raising a baby is a learning process. No one knows what they're doing at first, so don't beat yourself up for not knowing everything. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP! I called my parents multiple times because I had no clue what I was doing and my fiance was at work and I just needed help. It's been a stressful year but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Hearing my daughter giggle and seeing her smile makes it all worth it.
TL;DR: If you're pregnant and scared, and/or considering adoption, ask yourself if it would be easier to live questioning if you could have done it and missing all of your child's milestones and likely not being part of their life, or if it would be easier to make a ton of major sacrifices and completely change your life to raise your child. You will make mistakes and that's alright, but never be afraid to ask for help. Every parent has felt the same fear, every parent has had doubts, you are not alone.
If you're in a similar situation and want advice, feel free to PM me.
Submitted January 24, 2015 at 08:39AM by gingican http://ift.tt/1BTOzyC pregnant
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