There are some days that are really bad. I'll say to myself, "why do I have to be this way? Why can't I be normal?" But then there are days where I think "I'm don't have mental illness? I feel fine today. I should stop thinking or saying I have a mental illness and stop using it as an excuse. I'm feel normal today."
But I was thinking about it and I'm really not fine. I think I've just become used to feeling this way. My symptoms become background noise, like a refrigerator hum. You forget that it's there. I tell myself, man up you are just fine, quit pretending you are mentally ill. Except I'm not pretending. I struggle to do basic things. Someone who has only lived in the dark, thinks that if it's dark all the time, that is par for the coarse.
"Today was fine. I shouldn't claim to be so mentally ill if I feel fine." Then, upon further reflection, I remember I though about suicide a good amount that day. (I'm not suicidal)
I'm so used to my shadows on the cave wall I've forgotten they are there.
Submitted November 09, 2014 at 02:42AM by Sheepsaysmoo http://ift.tt/1uNLZaY bipolar
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