I'm sorry this is a bit long...
My boyfriend "M" lives with his brother "J" who is diagnosed with Aspergers, and (more recently) psychotic depression. They moved into apartment together after their mother decided she could no longer deal with J. Unfortunately M is growing increasingly frustrated with his brother, and feels overwhelmed because he has never been given any real information or practical advice on how to deal with various situations.
Please note that I do not think that his behavior is typical. Some of his actions are certainly influenced by Aspergers and depression, but many problems stem from him learning he can get what he wants if he pushes people hard enough. If you don't crack he thinks that you don't care about him, and will still systematically make you as miserable as possible until you do give in to what he wants. The hard part is how to get through to him. :/
Some of the bigger issues:
Impulsivity//Money - M is on unemployment, and J is on disability which means money is very tight. Unfortunately, when J wants something he wants it NOW. He will take food and money if it is left unattended, because in his mind it's not being "used". If he doesn't have money he will become verbally abusive, and sometimes even break things in attempt to push M into buying him things. If something is available that he wants to use, he wants to use it all up; money in the bank, ice cream in the freezer, internet downloads (Australia, so going over the cap costs them extra), etc, without really accepting that sometimes it's better to save/ration these things for later, or that other people deserve their fair share. Recent example: Neither of them have a computer at the moment because both are broken, nor do they have a working refrigerator. After receiving his payment, M repeatedly asked J to save his money so they could get things fixed/replaced, but J got it in his head that he HAD to have a PS Vita, and berated M until he agreed to take J out to buy one. Within days J is getting bored of it, and demanding M spend his own money to buy J snack foods.
Hygiene//General Cleanliness - J does not like to shower regularly, and often flat out refuses to do any housework because "he doesn't feel like it". This actually caused him to be kicked out of his previous group living arrangement, because he didn't feel responsible for anything but his own bedroom. If he clogs the toilet, or gets vomit/urine on the floor he expects M to clean up after him because "it's gross". Recently he was left alone in the apartment (M was trying to earn a little extra money doing a job with a friend), and had a tantrum; tearing up a bunch of catalogs, and just leaving them on the floor. He will only clean if it's a direct benefit to him (like if he has friends coming over).
Food - Right now J is on a prescribed liquid diet, (and M is doing it as well to support his brother), but left to his own devices, J would eat nothing but junk/fast food. He expects other people to make his meals for him, and if M doesn't, then J will just eat up all the tastier components of food available in the house. As in, he won't make a sandwich, he'll just eat all of the deli meat. If you offer to share something with him, he will eat all of it. If someone isn't around to ask, he'll just take it. (Has repeatedly eaten M's friends food without permission, expecting M to pay to replace it). He'll throw tantrums in the store if you don't buy him what he wants. I want very much to one day move in with my boyfriend, but I hate feeling like the only solution is to put locks on the main fridge/freezer, and have a separate one for J.
M loves his brother, but I'm not sure how long he can stand things as they currently are. He wants J to be able to live independently, but if M gets pushed past his limit, we are both worried that J will end up on the street.
Submitted November 13, 2014 at 01:19PM by Amanita_ocreata http://ift.tt/14gzLfk aspergers
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