Why does everything have to be unique when you're blazed?
I was in my kitchen with Russian food laid out on the table. This means, potatoes, meat, and some sort of salad as well as soup. Then my mom brought out some guacamole, and my high brain went: "Duude.. Chipotle.. I want a burrito."
So I announce to my room of my plan- I'm making this fucking burrito. I open the refrigerator door with the confidence of a king. This all washed away as soon as my stoned-ass self couldn't find the tortilla. My mom noticed I was having trouble and was like, (que Russian woman voice), "Are you addicted to Chipotle, you American boy?" and all I could say was "Yes..." So I microwaved it and set it out on the table.
The burrito was fucking huge man. Like when they sice you at Chipotle and the thing starts to fall apart- yeah that. As I take my first bite, my mom turns around and starts laughing her fucking ass off. I'm talking about tears man, this woman lost her mind. She said she never seen a burrito that big in her life and proceeded to take pictures of me. Keep in mind, I'm freshly baked just tryna get some munchies, and just terrified of everything. It's like this is it, the government finally found a way to fuck me over, this is it!!!
I ask her "Why did you have to take pictures of me?!" And she replies with, "You'll laugh at them later."
Now the whole family is laughing at my stoney shenanigance without being aware of it's stoney nature. The burrito was like having angels fuck in your mouth.
Submitted October 08, 2014 at 05:45AM by thetemple http://ift.tt/1CTbPKO trees
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