I'm not sure if I'm posting to the correct sub for this or not. I'm desperate for help and made an account because I'm reached the end of my tolerance level.
I apologize for the insanely long novel I'm about to type, but I want to be as clear as possible.
I live with 3 roommates, a guy (who we'll call J) and 2 girls (S and T). The 2 girls are sisters, and all 3 have been friends for years. They have a friend who they've also known for years, who we'll call M.
The root of my problems are with J and M. I'll start from the beginning.
We all moved in together August 16. Everything was great until the end of the first month.
Just to give some background, the 4 of us have all smoked weed before. We're not against it, but 3 of us only do it from time to time. J, however, fell hard into the habit right before we moved. He and I had a talk, and he promised me and swore up and down that he wouldn't smoke in the apartment. It's our first year of college, and we don't want to get distracted or caught with it.
One day, towards the end of the first month, I come home from class and I see J sitting in the dining room. He's obviously high, and the air smells like weed. I ask him if he's been smoking, and he says no. I leave it at that and walk away, not wanting to get into any arguments right then.
For the next week or so, J and M are joined at the hip every day in his bedroom with the door locked and the air reeking of weed. Now, T and I had drug tests that week for potential jobs. I understand that it takes a hell of a lot of weed to be around without smoking it for it to show up on the test, but the house constantly reeked for days on end. Even with a towel stuffed haphazardly into the crack on the bottom of his (now always locked) door, J could not hide what he was doing. One night, I had enough.
I went over to his door and knocked. He cracked the door open and the smell of weed hit me hard. I looked into his red, glassy eyes and said, "J, I know you guys are smoking. The whole place reeks. Can you at least move it to the bathroom and turn the fan and shower on?"
He looks me dead in the eye and says, "We aren't smoking".
I just stare back at him, at a loss for words until he starts to shut the door. I put my hand out to stop it, and say to him "I'm not an idiot. Can you please stop, or at least get rid of the smell?"
Once again, he says "We aren't smoking, now I have to study". And then he slammed the door in my face and locked it. That's it.
The next day, I come home from class ravenous. There's a dip in the fridge that I had been thinking about digging into once I got home. This shit is expensive, but oh so delicious. I come home, say hello to J and S, and open the fridge. I can't find the dip.
"J, where's that chicken dip?"
"Oh, M must've eaten it last night."
......of course. Since they've been smoking every single day, they've been eating out the fridge and pantry. Frustrated, I flopped down into a dining room chair next to them. I flipped J the bird, and stuck my tongue out at him. (Immature, I know). I hung around for a minute before I had to go run some errands.
As I'm out, I receive a huge text from J. It started out something like this: "I have eyes in the back of my head. I saw you flip me off and make a face at me..."
The text continues with calling me out on my immaturity, and saying that his friend has every right to eat whatever food she wants in the fridge. He also says, "I didn't slam the door in your face, M is my witness".
That got me. I retaliated, calling him out on his lies and unfairness. We went at it for a while, until we eventually apologized and he promised (again) that he wouldn't smoke in the house. I'm sure you can guess what happened 2 days later.
The smoking starts up again. M is staying the night every night in J's room, eating our food. After about a week, I break and smoke with them (after my drug test, which I passed). They're not stopping, and I'm not winning this battle. Bad move on my part, but I just adopted the mentality of "if you can't beat em, join em".
Everything is pretty good for a while again. Until one day, M comes and does her laundry at our place. Fine, one time thing, no big deal, she brought her own detergent. Until it happens again. And again, and again.
M is not my favorite person in the world. She's a soccer-playing, gym-going lesbian. Before you all call me out on anything, I'm totally cool with anyone who is gay. My best friend of 7 years is gay. But, M...she's the kind of person who has to remind you she's gay every chance she gets. Her favorite question to ask during the smoke sessions is "how did you know I was a lesbian when you first saw me?" She purposely borrows J's clothes (boxers, shorts, Tshirts, socks) and then complains "how can guys wear boxers, they're so uncomfortable". And yet still asks to wear them. She complains that every girl she talks to is ugly, and always whines "I just want a straight girl to play with". She has called me ugly to my face. And there's this one song that she's obsessed with, that she plays on loop for hours on end every time she's over.
So at this point, she's doing her laundry at our place on a regular basis now. On top of that, her groceries are in our refrigerator. This girl has a dorm on campus, but she is at our apartment every single night and day. I'm getting fed up with it.
One day I come home from class to find S and another of their friends (that I'm okay with) studying in the dining room. I saw J's car, but didn't see him. I asked S where he was.
"In his room studying," she replied.
"Alone?"
"Yeah."
"Really? That's surprising".
Now, I said this very light-heartedly. There was no hint of malice in my voice. The fact that he was alone was a rare treat for me, as that meant I could talk to him like a normal person without M there. I went to his room to say hello.
He was hanging something on his wall and asked for my help. As I was telling him where to place it, his cellphone rings. I go to grab it for him, but I missed the call. It was M (who else). But his phone screen showed his notifications. I looked to tell him who had called, when I saw S had texted him saying, "___ said it was a surprise you were studying alone". There was something else too, but I handed him back his phone before I could read it.
That bothered me, because it was something so irrelevant that I said. It made me wonder what else they were saying about me if they were talking about things so unimportant.
By this point, they had been excluding me from activities and keeping me out of the loop on things. They would all go out to eat or do things without saying goodbye or inviting me along. We used to all go out together.
I pieced it all together and figured it had something to do with M. The next day, I planned to talk to T, S and J.
I spoke to T first, S's older sister. Nobody else was home so I brought up my concerns of M using our washer, fridge and dryer. She agreed with me, and offered to bring it up to S. I told her she could if she wanted to, but I would talk to them later on anyway.
Once S and J came home (with M, of course), I asked to speak with S first because she had gone to her room. I told her that I felt uncomfortable with M using our appliances, as we are the ones who have to pay the utilities and overage fees. Additionally, I suggested she move her groceries to the mini fridge in J's room, as she stays in there every night. I made it clear that I didn't have a problem with her presence, just the fact that it felt like she was a 5th roommate who wasn't paying for anything. S understood my concerns, and she left my room. A few minutes later, she and J came in. I repeated the same things to J, but he was ready with defensive responses.
When I said mentioned M's use of the washer and dryer, he replied with "that was only twice, but it won't happen again."
When I brought up her food in the fridge, he said "it's just for a couple of nights".
When I said she's eating our groceries, he said "I went shopping today and bought all new food with my own money that she and I ate a lot of".
I could see we weren't getting anywhere, so I agreed and the conversation ended.
2 minutes later, there was a knock on my door. It was M, wanting to speak with me herself.
She spoke first, starting with her use of our laundry appliances. She claimed her school's fund card didn't have money on it, so she had no way of doing laundry. I said I was sorry for her issues, but it's not my responsibility to offer her the use of our appliances when there's already 4 people using them. She said she had explicit permission from J to use them. I told her J was not in a position to give authoritative permission, because he doesn't own the laundry room. We all use it, and I have been inconvenienced more than once by her loads being in the washer or dryer. J should have made it clear with all of us before agreeing to let her use the laundry room. She (snootily) agreed she wouldn't use the laundry again, and said she would pay her share of overages.
She then called me out about seven times on her food being in our refrigerator. She said I was "overreacting and being nitpicky". Nobody else seemed to mind her food being in the fridge, and my request to have her food moved to J's mini fridge was "unreasonable", so I needed to "not get upset over something so small, but it'll be taken out today anyway".
She also brought up the weed smoking issue, saying how I was a hypocrite for being upset about it. I explained I was upset because J broke a promise to me, but I hadn't brought up the issue since he and I had our own discussion about it a month earlier.
Lastly, she pointed out the fact that she, J, and S were very close friends and go to school together. "J and I have 4 out of our 5 classes together. We like to study together, so you need to get used to seeing my face around here. And if you have a problem with me, you need to come to me instead of complaining to S and J".
At that, I quickly said "I never 'complained' to them. I expressed my concerns to them like I have every right to as their roommate and a person whose name is on this lease. I'm glad we had this conversation". I then turned around in my office chair until she left my bedroom.
This exchange occurred 2 nights ago. Yesterday, I came home and she was here with all of them as usual. I said hello, and she completely ignored me. J himself said "that was uncalled for". Personally, I'd rather her ignore me than be rude to me.
As of today, she still has food in the fridge and pantry. But, it has her name on it with a sticky note. I'm guessing this is all part of grit plan so I can't say anything. S's boyfriend is in town this weekend, and J made a remark that "maybe he should get his own fridge when he comes over". His food is also marked with sticky notes. M, S and J have been whispering to one another when I'm in the room, and glancing at me when they don't think I see them.
At this point, I'm passed hurt and confused. I'm just tired of being talked about behind my back and being treated like a joke rather than someone who has a right to speak up for themselves. I know I can't stop their behavior, so I guess I just need advice on how to handle it. Please, Reddit, what should I do until the end of my lease?
TL;DR: roommates and their mean, flamboyant friend are assholes. Their friend eats our food, uses our washing machine and dryer and keeps her groceries in our fridge. She has a dorm but sleeps over every night anyway. Roommates lie to me and talk about me behind my back, and are now excluding me from all activities and conversations, even dinner plans for the night. Help me so I don't lose my mind.
Submitted September 26, 2014 at 12:16PM by window-jumper http://ift.tt/1BeMg4f Advice
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