I keep having to remind me that it's not my fault. rapecounseling

My father, before he molested me, would sometimes, technically, give me a choice. But it wasn't really a choice. The choices would be things like:

"Hey dad I need you to sign something for school."

"Sure, you'll have to do something for me first."

"No I'm not going to do that."

"Then I'm not going to sign your paper."

This "choice" would be given to me often during my teenage years. Anything to do with school where I needed parental permission/signature, anytime I wanted to hang out with friends, anytime I needed money was the worst. I always felt like a cheap prostitute afterwards. He would even put a lock on the refrigerator sometimes so I had to go to him if I wanted fed. So, sometimes I let him molest me, and if he didn't like my performance, he wouldn't give me what I wanted anyway. That would always make me cry. I almost told a school counselor, but I felt like I wouldn't have been believed.

I keep having to remind myself that I didn't really have a choice, that it's his fault not mine, but there's still that nagging voice telling me I should have resisted harder. But I didn't.

Submitted July 28, 2017 at 07:00AM by Heavilyabusedgirl http://ift.tt/2h7CWBa rapecounseling

I'm confused; Was I raped? rapecounseling

When I 14, my then boyfriend's best friend told me that my boyfriend (age 17) was having a "rage fit" at his house over some drama at school. His best friend offered to drive me up to his house. I consented. We get to his house and we hear thumping from the upstairs bedroom. His best friend told him that probably him hitting his head against the wall. We found his little sister (age 4) alone in the living room. His best friend offered to stay with the sister, while I went up to see what was going on with him.

I found him smashing his study desk and his head board. He almost hit me with a part of the study desk. I stood there frozen, and scared of what he'll do. Next thing I know, he has managed to take off my shirt and unzipped my pants. I was slammed onto his bed, and then he was over me - his body pressing down against mine. I wanted to scream in fear, but I couldn't. His lips were on mine. I squirmed but he was stronger than me. Then I felt his palm between my legs. He somehow managed to lower my underwear. Then I felt a finger enter me. I started to panic. I squirmed harder, but I was just overpowered. I felt him take my hand, and guide it to his penis. He said he wanted me to stroke it. I froze. I didn't know what to do. He smacks the side of my butt and tells me to listen. I start thrashing to get him off me.

Fortunately, his best friend barges in asking where the sodas were in the refrigerator. He was distracted for an instant, and I took advantage of it. I pushed him off me. I don't know how I retrieve my clothes and managed to get downstairs. I ran out of the house and almost got hit by his mother driving into the driveway.

His mother notices my panic, and ask if I was okay. I didn't know what to say. I was afraid of what else he'll do to me if I said anything. All I managed to say was "I'm late for band practice. May you drive me to the school?" She agrees. We drove in silence.

Submitted October 03, 2014 at 05:25PM by viperasps http://ift.tt/1vzMTUz rapecounseling