I'm not crazy. Let's just get that shit out of the way before I continue any further. I think that "Crazy" has become the go-to response for people that don't know or care enough about a given problem to do anything about it. Solving a problem, any problem requires one to break away from his or her personal narrative and actively focus on the task at hand. It's so much easier to ignore or be completely dismissive of a person or situation than it is to break away from the repetitive cluster fuck that is modern society.
There are so many people out in the streets or doped up behind four padded walls because grouping things that couldn't be any more different from each other and labeling them as a single collective have become one of the hallmarks of western civilization.... It wasn't my original intention to start this off with a rant, you just have to understand that people have been calling me crazy for most of my entire life. While I honestly could care less about the majority of those pricks, I'm not sorry for anything that I've done.
I've gotten used to those looks of mournful pity. They've gotten to a point where they feel that I'm beyond saving, beyond their idea of a normal life. That cookie cutter illusion that they all share and cling to like desperate parasites. It's a glamor that they pull over anything that doesn't fit within the preestablished parameters of what, so called "modern society" deems appropriate. People like me, It's much more efficient to just cast us over the wall than to give it any second thought
People like me. Ha fucking ha. The more I think about everything I know, everything I've been through, the more I begin to lose hope that I'll ever find people like me. As far as I know, I'm in a club of just one.
Don't believe me? Ok, let me just ask you one, simple question.
Have you heard of a kids show called Welcome to Dandyland?
Welcome to Dandyland was a program that aired on or around six am every weekday morning. Between the ages of four and five and I watched every episode as they aired our local PBS affiliate. My Parents never really cared that I was waking up that early. To be honest, they never really cared about anything other than getting drunk and starting fights with each other...
As long as I didn't wake them up they were indifferent about the whole thing. Once I mastered the task of retrieving the milk from the top shelf of the refrigerator, I didn't even need my folks to make breakfast for me. I always made a point to be sitting in front the living room TV with a big bowl of Captian Crunch, just as the familiar jingle began to kick in.
The format of Dandyland was simple. The show would always be a ten-minute segment chronicling the various news stories that took place in this fictional world inhabited solely by puppets. The bulk of the show would be from the perspective of the always jovial Anchor guy. Anchor guy would sit behind his fake desk and spout all the news worth reporting from A town that was equally as fake. The stories were incredibly simplistic, yet interesting enough to grab the ever-fleeting attention span of a kid already hopped up on sugar-coated cereal squares.
After going over the top stories for that morning Anchor guy would then check in with their eye in the sky, Helicopter Hank. The pilot would then give the viewer a bird's eye tour of the cardboard metropolis down below. Every episode would end exactly the same. Anchor guy would clumsily organize the stack of multicolored papers in front of him, then look directly at the camera and say
"And now you know what's happening in Dandyland. Have a fantastic day, and always remember, no matter what happens there's still time for fun."
I couldn't tell you why but that show had me legitimately invested in everything that was happening on screen. And I don't mean that in the traditional way that kids become glued to bright colors, funny songs and talking animals... This was something totally different. Even as a little kid, I never worried about Barney's personal well being, the same way that I never wasted a second thought about what Big Bird was up to when the Tv clicked off. Dandyland was unique in the sense that it was able to elicit an assortment of legitimate emotions that were, at times, so complex that my underdeveloped mind was unable to articulate them.
Unlike Big Bird or Barney, the animated cast of Dandyland always felt like living, breathing people to me. More than that... They felt like my friends. Every time Anchor guy recited his signature sign off, I was convinced that somehow he was talking directly to me.
My last episode of Dandyland would air on Monday, l March 22th, 1993. I remember that morning like it happened a few days ago. I wasn't awakened by the sound of an alarm clock, but the deafening crackle of thunder. A violent storm was wreaking havoc outside my window. I glanced over at my clock, only to see that the glowing numbers were repeatedly flashing 12 Am. The power had gone out at some point in the night. This caused me to spring out of my bed in a sudden panic.
My greatest fear wasn't the apocalyptic storm churning outside, but the grim notion of wandering around for the rest of the day knowing that for the first time ever, I had missed an episode of Dandyland.
As I cleared the door to my bedroom and turned down the hall, I could hear a sound that I had never heard before. The closest thing I could compare the noise to would be that of a distorted, dial-up modem. The sound would disappear and resume like an auditory wave splashing back and forth from the shore. I could see the glow from the television before I even made it into the living room.
Anchor guy was just sitting there, staring at me through the TV screen. It felt odd... It felt off... I had never seen him just quite like that before. Anchor guy's head would slowly cock to the side like a curious puppy before he finally uttered the words.
"Hey there Billy, how's It going?"
I looked around for a moment, convinced that the interaction taking place was an impossibility.
"That's right, I'm talking to you."
I just stood there in a state of shock, I couldn't move or speak.
"You've been watching Dandyland for a long time Billy, probably longer than anyone else. Every day, every episode. That means a lot to me and the entire Dandyland news team, now we need a favor from you... First, go into the kitchen and get the sharpest knife you can find."
That favor is the reason they've kept me here for as long as I can remember. they've been trying to rehabilitate me, but I know in my heart that I did the right thing. Anchor guy was my friend, and I knew that he'd never ask me to do anything bad. My parents were never happy, they were always yelling at me or each other... Now, they're always happy, I see them sometime when they let me have time alone in the tv room. I watch them sing and dance in their new puppet bodies, I watch them sing and dance just for me.
I laugh and giggle because I know I didn't kill my parents, I just sent them to Dandyland.... It's Like Anchor guy always said... No matter what happens there's still time for fun."
Submitted June 15, 2017 at 12:50PM by Jthedelaney http://ift.tt/2sCDmnG nosleep
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