I'm a freelance fashion samplemaker and sewing teacher.
Despite my mom being able to sew, I taught myself everything because .... nmom refused to teach me anything. She'd call me over to "teach" then screamed at me for attempting to learn. It's like it never occurred to her that beginners at anything SUCK at everything, at first.... because they're beginners!
Weirdly when I started getting good at it on my own, she'd steal my thunder by telling people she'd made the garments that I had made. When people liked my stuff within her earshot , she'd pipe up and say, "She can't sew."
Fast forward 15 years. Due mostly to economic necessity, proximity, and a small talent pool at this level, I am now a professional fashion samplemaker.
Not one, but TWO famous designers have reached out with offers to hire me based on my work. No inside connections helped me get these offers, no alumni, nobody with the hookup at A or B, no grapevine, nothing like that. Just cranking out good stuff for the right people for long enough got me to today.
I've been on a trial run for a full-time permanent position with one of them (Lets call that "Designer A") as their in-house samplemaker. The 2nd day, Designer A handed me 2 dress sketches and measurements for two extremely famous pop stars, and was totally casual about it like, "Yeah, here you go, so-and-so will be at your station in 10 minutes for you to take photos and notes of the hair and makeup ..." I'm like, wait what?! You're telling me I have a place -- that you, Designer A set aside JUST for me -- to set up shop?! and then I was like, "Wait WHO is coming in 10 mins?!"
Totally insane! On so many levels!!
Then I get home to a giant box from Designer B on my doorstep, with a note that says, "Give me a call (famous designer B's personal cell number) to discuss the details of when we can welcome you to the team!" Box is full of goodies, a lookbook, etc.
So, I should feel special. I have two awesome potential employers on my figurative nuts. Thanks to RBN, I've gotten better at spotting the narcs around me, and my personal circle has gotten quite tiny. As a result, I've excelled without these toxic roadblocking people. Getting better at dealing with the FLEAs.
Rationally, I'm DELIGHTED at having any choice between these two. Actually pretty excited at this turn of fortune, since I've never known a life of not-needing-to-hustle, and either offer will guarantee me not only decent money but a very likely shot at my own label in a few years. (Both designers have been known to invest/ become partners with people who have worked for them in the past.) Designers A and B maybe hate each other. Word on the street alludes to talent poaching from both designers. Poaching talent incidentally means more $$ for the talent being poached. I want to be poached! I may already be getting poached! I gotta make myself a shirt that says "Willing target for poaching".
I also can't shake the sound of my nmom talking shit and taking credit about my early sewing skills. Even though I'm NC, the memory still makes me feel like an impostor. I'm keeping my box of thank you cards from past clients very close by when the thoughts come to mind, which helps a lot. If I sucked so hard, not one of these cards would exist.
I think what's really getting me down is that I don't have anyone to be proud with/for me in the moment. It's like coming home from 1st grade with a drawing and having nobody to stick it on the refrigerator. I was actually not allowed to do that as a child. Only my sibling. It's a weird thing I miss, even though I'd rarely been able to do that at all.
There's a collective cultural tradition that says I SHOULD have a parent that I WOULD be able to turn to. I feel sad this just is NOT the case for me, and it never will be. I've long since reconciled that reality, especially in my tough times. But it's weirdly harder to deal with when things go really well.
I saw a movie once where there's a scene of a single pregnant woman crying at a law mower commercial and she's upset that she'll never have the stability of a job that allows for a suburban home with a lawn and time for her to play with her future kid on that lawn. I feel like that scene. But with more scissors and taffeta.
The enormous downside is that fashion is FULL of narcs. One of the things Designer A brought up on our first interview was an Insta post from a past (freelance) client I abruptly quit working for because she was totally invasive, narc-y, and rude. Designer A also hates her and was like, "high five for doing that! But please don't do that here without letting me know..." I fully anticipate having to deal with so many Dark Triad personalities regardless of who I choose. BUT I will have a fat bankroll for therapy and marijuana to help with that.
Ok.. went a little long. But I'm stoked! And trepidatious. Very trepidacious.
Submitted June 17, 2017 at 02:58PM by Shortacts http://ift.tt/2sbO1Vn raisedbynarcissists
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