Using a throwaway for this post.
I have been with my husband for 5 years, married for 2 years, and we have a 2 year old son. We had the religion and having children discussion pretty early in our relationship. We agreed about both being agnostic and that we would not involve an organized religion in our children's lives. It just wasn't something we felt was right for us.
Some background on our upbringing is probably relevant. I wasn't raised in the church. My mom was catholic, but doesn't really practice anymore. We attended from time to time, but we never went past getting baptized as babies. My husband's mother is very much catholic and is heavily involved in her church. She was even in the program to become a nun but dropped out when she met my father in law and fell in love. As a child my husband was really active in his church and attended catholic school. However, as an adult he was very adamant about his stance on not being involved in the catholic church and even said he couldn't believe how far his mother had gotten involved.
We have had some run ins with my MIL about religion. She was very upset and told me that she had to go on anxiety medication because we chose not to be married in the catholic church. I didn't even know how to respond to her about it. We also had a pretty emotional discussion when we told her we wouldn't be baptizing our son. My husband and I agreed on these things from day one and I never thought twice about or decisions.
Now on to what prompted me to post this. I went away for a long weekend with my girlfriends for a bachelorette party. When I came home I found a phone number hanging on the refrigerator. I asked him what the number was for and he said that it was the number to the priest at his mother's church. Apparently he has had a change of heart about not including religion in his life and talked to his mom about it while I was gone. Now he plans on calling the priest and then from there I don't know what to expect.
I don't think I handled it very well and I made him feel bad about it. I was very upset that he would talk to his mother before speaking to me first. I'm supposed to be his life partner and we are raising a child together. Something like this has the potential to change the way we originally agreed to raise our children. If we didn't have children I couldn't care less about our different views on religion. However, we do have a kid, and we planned on having another one. Now I'm confused about what this could mean for their upbringing. My husband told me that it wouldn't change anything for me, or our son, and we would raise him the way we agreed on. That he wouldn't be pushing anything on us. My concern is that our son will see daddy going to church and wonder why he isn't going with him. Another concern is my MIL can be very pushy and I can see her making my husband feel guilty and encourage him to sway my opinions.
I told him that I am not opposed to looking into a non denomination church, and would even think about attending with him to check it out. He didn't seem enthusiastic about it and pretty much shot down the whole idea.
I don't have an issue with introducing religion into our son's life. I think it would probably benefit him. I just don't want him boxed into one specific denomination. I want to raise our son the way we agreed on. I'm willing to compromise with the non denominational route to keep the peace. Has anyone else been in the same boat? How did it work out with raising kids together?
tl;dr: Both agnostic when we got married. Husband had a change of heart and wants to join the catholic church again. Concerned about how this will change the way we had originally agreed to raise our son.
Submitted September 13, 2016 at 05:15PM by nowthatisconfusing http://ift.tt/2cooSha relationships
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