Alright, so I live with my cousin Kenshi. We were both sleeping in the early morning hours of Christmas Eve last year. It was about 3 a.m. when a noise in our apartment woke me up. I walked out into the kitchen to see what it was and I come face to face with a crack head looking bastard in a Santa Claus outfit.
Santa Claus was in my kitchen eating a big ass sandwich and shit from my refrigerator, I asked him what the fuck he was doing and he replied with, "I'm Santa Claus bitch, where's the milk and cookies?". I was pissed at that point so I lunged at him and a fight ensued. The whole time I was fighting the jolly crack head I was yelling for Kenshi to wake up and help me with the situation, but he slept through it all.
The fight lasted a good 5 minutes and I had the upper hand being on top raining down punches. Unfortunately though, he pushed me off and made a break for the open window he broke in from. I attempted to grab his leg, but he grabbed our Christmas tree and beat me unconscious with it. When I came to Santa was gone, along with all our presents. I woke up Kenshi and thanked him for his assistance before calling the police. They took our statement and we actually helped the police find and arrest him the following night. But that's a story for another time.
So to Santa, if you ever get out of prison and wanna meet up again...go easy on the lunch meat bitch, that shit ain't cheap.
Submitted September 13, 2016 at 04:40PM by ErmacJones http://ift.tt/2cC1pME LetsNotMeet
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