I've been living in NYC for 8 years now. About 2 years ago my mom decided she needed a change of scenery from the California life and so we talked about living together (along with my already live-in BF) in NYC if we found a suitable apartment.
We found a great apartment in my neighborhood 1.5 years ago -- two beds, two baths, brand new etc. -- and signed the lease within days since mine and my BF's lease was expiring anyway.
My BF and I moved in 3 weeks before my mom. She was back in CA getting all her stuff sorted.
And then she moved in.
I feel so guilty writing this but my mom is a slob. We've lived here for 2 years now and all I have seen her do is vacuum the living room carpet. Ok, that's great -- it gives me some spare time, but the rest of the apartment is left up to me and my BF to clean.
I'm not OCD in anyway, but I hate living in messy surroundings. I'll clean the stove if it's dirty, wipe down the counter, clean the fridge out... just the normal things I've always done. But my mom doesn't.
When she toasts bread, she leaves crumbs all over the kitchen counter and doesn't wipe them up. When she cooks pasta on the stove and the water boils over, she doesn't clean up the mess. She'll open the refrigerator with sticky fingers and leave marks all over it. And after she's cooking she'll leave her pan on the stove for DAYS until I or my BF picks it up and throws it in the dishwasher.
Also, we have a dog and a cat in the apartment. The dog is mine and my BF's, the cat is hers. My dog sheds a lot so I brush him every second day and wipe down the entire living area. Her cat is a notorious shedder too, but when she sits on a desk or a chair, I have to lint brush the hell out of it because my mom just doesn't care.
She also only does her laundry when her clothes are COVERED in cat hair. I suggested she buy a cat brush to groom her kitty since there was cat hair everywhere, but I haven't seen her use the brush yet :-/
What made me post here is when I visited her bathroom 2 days ago, and I can't stop thinking about it. I went in there to borrow some tweezers and I saw she had dinner plates stacked up by her sink, bags of garbage, dry cat food all over the floor and stuck on the wall (?!), mold in her bath, and a cat litter box that had maybe 3 cups of kitty litter in there for her poor cat.
Look, she can do whatever she wants in her own bathroom... but in common areas, is it too much to ask for her to clean up after herself?
The reason I come to Reddit for advice is because she is very bad at confrontation. Even for small things, she is very sensitive and if I say something to upset her (even if it's constructive), she will lock herself in her room for hours and it leaves me feeling extremely guilty. If I asked her to chip in on the housework, I fear it might end up in tears also.
Oh, and just quickly...she doesn't leave the house. Unless she's walking to the pharmacy or the grocery store, she doesn't leave. She sits on her computer all day writing tweets and watching documentaries. She has a great paying work-from-home job but it only requires her to work a few hours every day. She never comes out to eat with me and my BF, and when she does, all she does is complain about loud-talking people or how much she doesn't like this city.
Could she be depressed? Am I asking too much of her? Be brutally honest. My mother has never been caught up in the details of things so maybe she is just carefree and I should embrace it. But I can't help but resent her for not caring about OUR home.
Thoughts?
tl;dr: My mom won't clean up after herself in our shared home and it's driving me crazy. Can't confront her directly because she's super sensitive :-/
Submitted August 12, 2016 at 10:15PM by throwawaymomandme http://ift.tt/2b3Wzoz relationships
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