I am a long time Reddit reader but first time poster. I actually created an account to post this. I am that friend who everyone always turns to for advice, and right now I have no one to turn to who might be able to offer some sound, helpful advice for me in this situation.
Some history, I am married and have two children. A few months ago, due to a string of terrible circumstances my husband and I lost our home and were forced to move in with my parents. I cannot express how much appreciate all of their help and opening up their home to us. (Before anyone asks, yes we do pay rent and help with other things financially.) Then, at the first of this year, despite being on a strict birth control regimen, I became pregnant, with TWINS! Which has made a difficult time, that much more difficult.
Now, to the present. I am 5 1/2 months along and this entire time my parents have been really pushing my husband and I to stay until after the twins were born. They say to help out, but I know really, they are just excited at the thought of having babies in their home again. Either way, they were willing to make adjustments, at least for the very beginning before they become mobile. But, those adjustments still haven't taken hold, including fully stocking the refrigerator and pantry with foods I cannot eat, leaving no room for our groceries. Even with that I can manage my way around those hurdles.
BUT, the real problem. My father has struggled with many various substance abuse as well as alcohol abuse issues throughout his life. It has always come and gone.
• Various hallucinogenics, marijuana and hard alcohol in the 1970-80's. • Hard alcohol, marijuana and methamphetamine in the 1990's. • Marijuana, methamphetamine, hard alcohol and light use of street bought prescription medications in the early 2000's. • Hard alcohol, occasional marijuana and much heavier prescription medications: opiates and benzodiazepines in 2009-2014. • As of today, he has his own prescription for opiates and drifts in and out of hard alcohol use.
Now, logically one would think anyone who has used that much for that long would develop a tolerance for such drugs/alcohol. My father is one of these people known as a perpetual light-weight. When he drank hard alcohol every day, day after day, after day, he would still be to the point of slurring and stumbling at 3-4 shots maximum.
Over the last 4 years or so, he has made a real effort to become sober. The first time it lasted a solid two years. Then he began having a couple of glasses of wine a night to relax. That quickly spiraled into wine form the moment he woke up until the moment he passed out. Then, he decided once more to give it up. This lasted two weeks and he is now back to hard alcohol. When he is drunk he always wants to play with my children, however he plays ROUGH!!
Last Saturday he, while playing, jammed his fingers down my pre-teen son's throat while laughing, and of course choking my son! My children and I left for hours we just had a family day out. After the wonderful family day out, I returned at roughly 10pm to discover he had set the woods on fire, purposefully. (We live on 10 acres in the country.) And after lighting the fire, while telling no one, he passed out on the ground next to it. Had I gotten home on hour later than I did, it would have been out of control and I would've been forced to call the local fire department. Which out here would have resulted in fines if not also jail time. Not to mention, possibly losing my father since he was lying within 3-4 feet from the flames. Only a cold water hose shower could wake this man. Then, he preceded to curse me out for overreacting. The next day he apologized and hoped "we could just put this in the past and move on." I said my peace and left it at that.
Tonight, June 3, he had "an extremely bad day" and wanted, excuse me, "needed to drink". I came home completely unaware of this and immediately jumped him for forsaking his promise five days ago that he would, again, no longer drink. He then became immediately defensive and said if I cannot allow him this after an extremely bad day at work, then I should move on. (I should mention he has been more than adamant, pushy as times for us to remain here when the twins are born.) so I responded by saying, "So you are are going to look me in the eye, your only child, who you have maintained is the apple of your eye, your pregnant daughter, and essentially say, if you can't deal with my drinking, this is my house so you can just get the fuck out?" His response to that was, "Yes. If you don't like it then you do whatever you need to do."
There is almost a decade in age difference between my youngest and my twins. So our primary focus has been on doing everything we can to prepare for their arrival. But now is seems I must put that on the back burner and immediately look for another home. At this point we do not have much saved up for a place because we had planned on turning out focus to that once the babies were here and we had all of their essentials. I am feeling so very lost and hurt right now. I never in a million years would have expected that kind of statement to come from my father. The man I idolized as a child, and aspired to be as a young adult. But now I feel as if I no longer know this man who at one time, not very long ago I called my best fiend. My husband and I have made plans to hit the ground running first thing Monday looking for an apartment, trailer or anything we could afford one just his income as I have been far too ill to work during this, a very difficult pregnancy. Does anyone have any suggestions at all or just any advice really? As I feel completely blindsided by all of this.
Thank you for reading!
Submitted June 04, 2016 at 10:00AM by iLoveFrogs08 http://ift.tt/1U0C7E8 Advice
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