Throwaway because my real identity can be easily traced on my main account.
I'm 28yrs old. For the last 9 years, I'm a shut-in who have only left my house less than 10 times. Before that, I had a girlfriend (whom I was with for more than 5yrs) and numerous friends. I was happy, until I found out that my girlfriend was having sex with someone else and I also found out that my "friends" had been stealing from me and were just using me. I found out that they were all talking bad about me behind my back.
I've never gotten around to trusting anyone again after that ordeal. Before I knew it, I lost any interest in going outside or in meeting people. In 9 years, I have never talked to anyone else in person other than my parents.
I was content in just staying in my room playing piano, videogames, or surfing the net. Often I'll get to see something in my newsfeed about news of murder, robberies, idiotic celebrities, accidents, all of which only makes me want to never go outside even more.
I'm really grateful to my parents who have left me with all the resources to make myself comfortable. However, thinking about it only made me extremely depressed as I don't think I'll ever meet their expectations nor I will ever be more than just a shut-in. I began contemplating suicide a long time ago. I never thought of looking for a "suicide helpline" because I knew that nothing could change my mind. I was already decided that I will commit suicide.
Last month when I finally said to myself that this is the day to commit suicide, I decided to have a last meal before saying goodbye. I found some leftovers and was about to eat but I saw a bottle of hot sauce in the refrigerator and thought to try it before dying. Nothing to lose anyway.
Some time after eating, it hit me. I was feeling happy and giggly without any reason. All thoughts of committing suicide disappeared from me. I then realized that what I was experiencing was an endorphin rush from consuming hot sauce. I genuinely felt like a fool for even thinking about committing suicide.
After that I realized a little bit what was wrong with me. I began taking anti-depressants soon after that and my mood and attitude towards life has dramatically improved.
My current lifestyle is a long away from being fixed but at least I'm not suicidal anymore.
Submitted August 17, 2015 at 11:02AM by savedbyhotsauce http://ift.tt/1KqCzUC SuicideWatch
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