Submitted by: /u/MightyProJet
Original Post date: February 29, 2015
The day my toilet disappeared while I was using it was the last straw.
I asked nicely. I even pleaded, but no amount of groveling would make my shitter reappear. As Bugs Bunny says, "'Dis means war."
A few days later, her SUV decided to take a walk. Literally. It rose on its hind wheels to take a lovely stroll down the street as my neighbor watched in bewilderment. She glared at me knowingly as it began to dance a jig, putting dents in the asphalt where it landed. It was some of my finest work, and I couldn't help but laugh as the black behemoth moved fluidly in ways it was never meant to go.
The next day I received flowers at work. This in itself is odd enough, but these flowers wouldn't stop multiplying. Every time I would take a bunch out, two bunches appeared in their place. Eventually my office was overrun by orchids and we locked the door in the hopes that it would stem the tide. The next morning, all of them had disappeared. If I didn't know better, I'd think she was flirting with me.
I retaliated by gifting her a pair of pants built around the smallest machines I was capable of creating. Of course, she knew I did something to them, but she didn't know what until I saw her in her garden. I clapped my hands and shouted, "MICHAEL JACKSON LIVES!" as loud as I could. The pants immediately jerked her upright and, from speakers I had hidden in the area, forced her through the entire dance line for 'Billy Jean', which was both entertaining and amazing. I'm fairly sure she already knew most of the moves, considering my pants had no effect on the rest of her body - yet she went along with it as if every motion was fluidly practiced. She smiled as it ended. I worried.
The back-and-forth battle intensified.
My morning coffee turned into a dove and flew away.
Her cell phone moved to a different counter every time she turned her back.
My wallet moved to a different pocket every time I reached to pay for something.
Her laptop spontaneously converted itself to a Mac and back every few hours.
My living room got turned into a full-size replica of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, complete with sweaters.
All the faucets in her house started spewing beer.
My refrigerator had everything inside of it turned to guacamole, then she invited herself over with a few pitchers of beer.
I think I'm falling for my neighbor.
P.S. I found my toilet; she put it on my roof.
Submitted March 08, 2015 at 10:44AM by Itsthejoker http://ift.tt/1A7XZBl itsthejoker
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