It all started when our overrated adventurer, Karkat Vantas, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling abundantly exasperated, Karkat Vantas hit a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, he realized that his beloved Crab was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Dave Strider. Karkat Vantas had known Dave Strider for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were striking ones. Dave Strider was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... abrasive. Karkat Vantas called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Dave Strider picked up to a very mad Karkat Vantas. Dave Strider calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters sigh before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually surreptitiously grimace after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Karkat Vantas. Why was Dave Strider trying to distract Karkat Vantas? Because he had snuck out from Karkat Vantas's with the Crab only five days prior. It was a exotic little Crab... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Karkat Vantas got back to the subject at hand: his Crab. Dave Strider shuddered. Relunctantly, Dave Strider invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Crab. Karkat Vantas grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Dave Strider realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Crab and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if Karkat Vantas took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least three minutes before Karkat Vantas would get there. But if he took the Desperado rocket chair? Then Dave Strider would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Dave Strider was interrupted by eleven funny-smelling Seppucrows that were lured by his Crab. Dave Strider grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he aimlessly reached for his ripened avocado and recklessly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Desperado rocket chair rolling up. It was Karkat Vantas.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Karkat Vantas was out of the Desperado rocket chair and went explosively jaunting toward Dave Strider's front door. Meanwhile inside, Dave Strider was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Crab into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his hammock. Dave Strider was exasperated but at least the Crab was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Dave Strider scandalously purred. With a apt push, Karkat Vantas opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless flaming idiot in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Dave Strider assured him. Karkat Vantas took a seat vaguely close to where Dave Strider had hidden the Crab. Dave Strider turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Karkat Vantas was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Dave Strider noticed a dimwitted look on Karkat Vantas's face. Karkat Vantas slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Dave Strider felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Karkat Vantas asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Crab right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Karkat Vantas's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Karkat Vantas nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Dave Strider could react, Karkat Vantas aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The Crab was plainly in view.
Karkat Vantas stared at Dave Strider for what what must've been four nanoseconds. Just as zero people expected Dave Strider groped exotically in Karkat Vantas's direction, clearly desperate. Karkat Vantas grabbed the Crab and bolted for the door. It was locked. Dave Strider let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Karkat Vantas,' he rebuked. Dave Strider always had been a little stupid, so Karkat Vantas knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Dave Strider did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his Crab tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Dave Strider looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Karkat Vantas. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Karkat Vantas. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Dave Strider walked over to the window and looked down. Karkat Vantas was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Karkat Vantas was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Dave Strider's place. Karkat Vantas had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Seppucrows suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Crab. One by one they latched on to Karkat Vantas. Already weakened from his injury, Karkat Vantas yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Seppucrows running off with his Crab.
About five hours later, Karkat Vantas awoke, his fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Karkat Vantas did not know where he was. Deep in the broad secret vineyard, Karkat Vantas was barely lost. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he remembered that his Crab was taken by the Seppucrows. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen Seppucrow emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha Seppucrow. Karkat Vantas opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Seppucrow sunk its teeth into Karkat Vantas's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Karkat Vantas's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than three miles away, Dave Strider was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Crab. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened live hand grenade. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his love handle. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Karkat Vantas... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Crab that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Seppucrows, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
P.S.: made using this story generator
Submitted March 19, 2015 at 10:00PM by Ganmorg http://ift.tt/1MNsbtA homestuck
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