I Just Want to Sleep! nosleep

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleepsleepsleepsleepsleep.

All I want is to sleep. Restful, peaceful, quiet, embracing sleep. I ache for it, I crave for it, but I can't obtain it. Sleep. Sleep. Why oh why can't I have sleep!

The pitter patter pitter patter of the rain, it would lull my baby off to sleep. The pitter patter pitter patter of my beating heart would lull my husband to sleep. SO WHY CAN'T I SLEEP?!

I watch him out the window, packing bags in to the car. Packing my baby in the car. Why can't I hold her anymore? It's not my fault I can't sleep, it's not my fault it's driving me mad!! Why is he taking her away from me? She smiles up at me from her car seat. She has no clue. She's just a baby! They drive away.

I turn from the window. I ache, I burn, I yearn, for both my baby and to sleep. But I can't have her now, and I still can't sleep...

I look around. There's nothing left here, just an old refrigerator, and some old dusty newspapers. I hated those things, never wanted to look at them. I'm still so tired...

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep...I must have it.

I lay down on the wooden floor, warped with age and try again to sleep, as I have over the past few months. But it doesn't come. It never does. I try to think now, and remember these last few months of sleeplessness. Every time my baby cried, I would try to help her, but my husband always pushed me out of the way and took her from me. He fed her, changed her, bathed her, sang her lullabies. Why? That's what mommies are for, isn't it? Why wouldn't he let me love my daughter? Was there something wrong with me?

I think even harder to when this all started happening, but my mind reels from the thoughts. I need more time to think, to write. For now, I'll leave you with this. I'll write about the time the sleepless nights began to happen, I will. But for now, I need to think.

Submitted March 22, 2015 at 10:20AM by IriaSeress http://ift.tt/1FUMF1m nosleep