I have a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator. I have people who love me. None of this makes me feel better about what I have lost and what I have never had. There is always a struggle. There is always the emptiness. To be 33 with nothing to my name. No career. No savings. No partner. Never a partner. My friends get married, divorced and remarried. I've never heard "I love you." Not once. It just falls into their fucking laps. Everyone's used to me being the one with no one. If someone did love me they'd be shocked. Something is inherently wrong inside. It was always there. Even when I was a kid I knew I was a bad, jealous person. I wanted what others had. Was never pretty enough. Always got funny looks for saying the wrong thing. Always felt out of place even among friends. I can't even kill myself because I'll leave a helpless parent behind. Maybe we'd both be better off gone.
Submitted February 07, 2015 at 12:33PM by unlovablewoman http://ift.tt/1zr8ToM SuicideWatch
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