I've been friends with this guy since college, for over ten years. We bonded over our shared disappointment in a certain video game, and we're both writers.
I used to have him over every few months to stay for the weekend. My friend, let's call him C, has had some bad luck with jobs, and was unemployed for a while, and I never minded just covering things. I have a great job and a house with extra rooms, so it just made sense for him to visit me. We'd play video games, drink, play board games, and have writing sessions.
C met and married K. I find K to be loud, sort of an asshole, and I have problems tolerating him for an entire weekend. C's hygiene has suffered since he got together with K. I cook and I clean when they're here, and in addition to the fact that K frightens my pets (he handles them roughly and gets up in their faces)--it's not relaxing for me when they spend the weekend. And K drinks so much, it's suddenly not fun to have a few drinks and be silly because you start feeling like "this guy actually has a PROBLEM" and maybe you're enabling it.
My writing career and my day job career have been going places, so I frankly don't have the time to bum around and drink for a weekend. With K in the picture, the writing sessions when C is visiting have come to a halt.
I feel like C has dropped a lot of his writing since marrying K. My mom and my husband both feel that C was never that great to begin with and that he's selfish--and when I examine certain behaviors, I think maybe they're right. C has a job now, but K hasn't had one for as long as I've known him, so he has to support K. K's had drug problems in the past and I know C now has some debt. I still end up paying for everything when they're staying over.
The last time C and K stayed at my place for the weekend, they lingered for too long. It was very uncomfortable for me. They'd started drinking on Sunday late morning, so I wasn't comfortable sending them on the road. My husband and I had made plans for that afternoon, since C usually leaves Sunday morning. K wanted to watch Psych, so C and K were sitting on our couch, drinking our home-brewed mead they'd pulled from our refrigerator, watching Psych--while my husband and I worked in our garden and tried to figure out how to give the hint for them to leave. I didn't want to have to make lunch for them too--I'd already made breakfast and paid for dinner the night before! My husband finally went inside and told them they had to leave.
K had just started a new episode of Psych and wanted to finish it, I kid you not. My husband and I ended up missing the movie we'd planned on seeing.
I've been distancing myself from C, but he called again wanting to come up for a visit--him and K both.
I just got revision notes from my agent, but I can't use that as an excuse, because there are pictures on fb of me hanging out with other writers. I'm debating whether I should try to hash this out with C, because I feel like honesty is important, or if I should just ignore his call and let things lie. I mean, I'd want someone to tell ME.
I don't know how to approach that sort of conversation. Is it even feasible to do over the phone?
Thanks :\ This is really hard for me--I very much enjoy being generous, but I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of this friendship anymore.
tl;dr: I can't stand his husband, feel taken advantage of when they stay with me, and I don't know whether I owe him an explanation or if I should just ignore his calls.
Submitted February 22, 2015 at 03:07PM by ncgardener23 http://ift.tt/1DGlZld relationships
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