Hello Reddit,
I have been with my GF for two years now and we're happy. I'd like to provide a background of my GF:
Probably around 5-6 years of age her and her siblings were placed into foster care due to abuse from their mother and her boyfriends. Her father was never in the scene as well. Her foster parents neglected her and failed to provide the most basic needs. In addition, she was never taught some of the most "basic" life fundamentals. She was forced to learn by trail-and-error.
When I met her two years ago she got mad rather fast, stated that she disliked people, and went to therapy (who just proscribed her with depression medicine and sleeping pills). Probably not the best thing to do but since I had some background in treating individuals, I suggested that she to stop taking the meds, go to therapy less (as they blamed HR for what happened in the past with her parents), and I'll help her out.
3 months later her anger issues were gone, doesn't hate people, and does not need any medicine. She never displayed signs of depression and stated that they gave it to her to make her calm and treat her for her non-existent adhd problem (got re-eveluated and doctor said her previous evaluation was completely wrong. all normal) She moved in with me a year ago and all is great, it's a normal relationship. She sees my mother and father as her parents and is best friends with my mom. Now to the subject of this post.
My GF is severely unorganized. I don't know if it's laziness or what. It's the smallest things to such as leaving her bath towels on the kitchen chairs, not putting back kitchen items such as condiments and refrigerator goods, leaving soap on the bathtub's floor, and it goes on and builds up. The worst part is that she looses all of her items daily and then goes on a mad search (thus messing up more things) to find them. I have refused to help and she always says "I know, I know. I need to place it somewhere better."
She is willing to clean the whole house after what looks like a tornado has run through. She cleans several times a week, but the hours of cleaning is not needed if you're organized.
I have tried several methods of fixing this issue. I have reminded her to place back items that she's using and she will either will or say "You didn't give me a chance to put it back." Unfortunately, it's been there for several hours. I have bought my own items and stated that I cannot help her search for her items anymore. I have told her that this bothers me substantially and this is one of two (other coming) problems that makes this not a perfect relationship. I have also made a 25 cent rule: Basically if you don't put back your items within 30 minutes of use, then you must place 25 cents into the jar. It worked for a week, we went on vacation, and upon return she would argue for reasoning as to why an item has been there all day and refused to pay. I have also done something I hate: I acted like I did not care and stopped helping her clear and purposely placed items in stupid locations (towels on the refrigerator) to "bother her". It did not work and the house just got messier and she clear it all later.
I don't know what to do... she loves me but for some reason she won't do this for me. We've had serious talks and she just says that she doesn't know why or maybe she forgets.
On to the next problem: My GF is biracial (a mix of black, white, mexican, etc.) She has African-American-like hair, but it's stringy too. When I met her, her hair was always tied back into a pony-tail. She still does that on-and-off but it appears that she has absolutely no care what anyone thinks of her hair.
She'll wake up, take a shower, and do nothing with her hair. So it's split-end city, a messy whirlwind, and nappy. Then if we need to go out she'll either but on a baseball cap, do nothing if we're going through a drive thru, pull it back into a messy split-end pony-tail, or recently: put on a hood.
She told me people, during her school days, made fun of her hair. The first time she got a perm was when she went to my parents house. She complains that it's just too hard to manage and that she doesn't have enough money for a perm. She also just says when upset: I'll just cut it (but I really wouldn't prefer that at all). She also doesn't have money sometimes to get it done. I told her to look for ingredients for the "natural" style but I assume that goes no where.
I've talked to her about this, stating that you never know who is watching and want to look presentable. We also should want to at least put some effort in looking nice for each other, as a thank you. I'm not asking to put on make-up and high heels, that stuff does not matter to me. Just put a little effort in to show that you care about yourself (not look homeless). It's embarrassing bumping into a co-worker or friend and them looking at her hair first before even speaking. I've mentioned this to her as well...
tl;dr - gf is not organized at all, but is willing to clean once it builds up. she also has messy hair and doesn't care what the public thinks.
Submitted January 23, 2015 at 09:41PM by cspspguy http://ift.tt/1uCIq85 relationships
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