In the fields I saw my mind. Waiting in the cold ; and free from the stresses at home. It was 6 o clock. Mid winter. The sky was getting dark sooner than usual due to the daylight savings. The year was 2014. My name was Louise DeFreda. I was a Hispanic girl, living in America. My family was poor enough to go to food drives, but rich enough to have Iphones and go to the theatres every Saturday. I was 15 and a half. I was a happy girl, although I didn’t get along well with the other people at school. I was still okay. Mostly I had my mom and dad, but I have trouble talking to them too. They are convinced that I have mental issues. Maybe I do, I don’t know. They say I’m autistic, but only because the school says I am. They say that a girl my age should be talking. Making friends. When all the talking I do is too myself, and I’m okay with that.
I was standing in a dry field, out in between my apartment complex and another. I stood near a tree on one side, and a pile of garbage on the other. I know that my mom would want me home soon, so I finished up my last thoughts, turned, and made my way back home. The sun was lower in the sky now, and the sky started taking on rich violet darkness. I wondered vaguely about what I would have for dinner. I also thought about my day at school. Not any different that usual. Just go with the cues, and read whenever I could.
Be ignored. Ignore. All the same. I walked though a back alley, opened my wooden fence, and walked into my two bedroom apartment. I walked in the door, and kicked my shoes off, when a ball hit the wall near my face. My little brother ran away screaming and laughing. My house was chaos as usual. I bee lined directly for bed room, and saw my mother and father making dinner in the kitchen from the corner of my eyes. Fried chicken and tortillas again. Yum.
“Louise? Is that you?” my mother called. “Yes mom, I’m gonna be in my room.” I called back. “Okay sweety, I’ll let you know when dinner is ready” “Thank you”
I closed my bedroom and flicked on the yellow lamp. Dense light filled my crowded room. A small bed in one corner, and computer desk and PC in the other. A whole bunch of clothes thrown onto the floor. Old posters I no longer cared for or related too on the walls. This is where I spent most of my time. Locked away in here from the world, but in my mind, and in my solitude, I was happy. That’s what a lot of people didn’t understand. I wanted to be quiet. I wanted to be left alone. Maybe one day people would understand, but until then, I am mentally handicapped. I took off my damp jacket, soaked from the stormy weather outside, and added it to the heap on the floor. I jumped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. Thinking about the day, and what the next one would bring. The same thing probably. I laid there for while, letting my thoughts drift, when I heard my mom call my name. I got up out of my trance and headed for the kitchen. My family was already sat down waiting for me, hot food on their plates. I sat down quietly.
“Hey honey, How was school today? Talk to anyone?” asked my mother. “No, just did my own thing, as usual.” I replied.
“Hmm. Well I think it is really unhealthy for you to be avoiding people the way you do, and frankly it is embarrassing to your father and I.” Said my mother.
I did not reply. The dinner was tense for a little while, but the others got over it eventually. I ate the rest of my food, didn’t pay attention to what my family was talking about, put my plate away, and headed back for my room. I avoided them. I don’t know why, but I had the feeling that I some how didn’t belong. I didn’t feel comfortable, no matter how hard I tried. I was back in my room now, in the dark. Silently getting ready for bed. I slipped under the covers. I laid there in bed, on my side, for several hours. Thinking about all the great things in the world, and all the things I could be doing. The people I could meet. I thought about the life I had right now. I was thankful for what I had, a roof over my head, good grades, food, family. Why did I yearn for more? What more did I want. I felt selfish. Yet still, I couldn’t shake the feeling of deep dissatisfaction. My head populated by colorful thoughts of what could be, all the glorious things I could do, and I let them drift me off to sleep. I woke up at 5:30. It was still dark outside. I must have only gotten a few hours of sleep. The room was filled with a brisk cold. All I heard was the deep rumbling of the refrigerator. I slowly got myself up, and headed towards the bathroom. I flicked on the light, still in my pajamas, and stared at myself in the mirror.
Submitted December 14, 2014 at 09:00AM by Mcsavage89 http://ift.tt/1A6jkMA KeepWriting
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