I've started to get sick of all these stories that follow the same formula, so I'll tell you all a story from when I was in high school. Better buckle up, because I'm going to tell y'all a tale of a redemption, victory and honour.
Be me, the one with the twelvie username. Relatively skinny/gangly guy, somehow gets the ladies, doesn't know why. Can run like a refrigerator but that's about it.
Be Smitty, that one surfer kid. Looks like your generic blond beach goer, except much more chubby. Absolute pro at sports in general, but has Osgood-Schlatter disease so he mainly sticks to cricket.
Dear god, please don't be CJ (stands for Conclusion Jumper). Incredibly hateful girl, dishes out insults like an Italian place dishes out Spahgetti on a busy Friday night.
So, a bit of backstory. The entire school was having their annual Athletics competition. There were people everywhere. I had just gone through the spin cycle whirlpool of people watching the long jump and found myself with Smitty and his friend group, which were the jocks and such. I hang out for a while and then say I was going to get some lunch. Smitty decides to come with, because he has to get a Gatorade for after the competition. Everyone chugged down Gatorade in that group, I was surprised they were all alive.
So we make our way back through the clusterfuck of people to the canteen. I decided to get some Chips and a Coke, Smitty got his vile Ham-potion. Suddenly, a wild CJ appears! She tumbled out of the crowd of bodies and walked over to us.
CJ: Hey there, young fella.
Please note that we were both the same age.
Me: Uhhh, hello?
She picks up one of my chips, the longest one in the cup, that bitch, and started to give it this sort of micro blow job. I guess she was trying to show herself off, but it's kind of disgusting watching a girl suck a tiny bit of potato with grease and spit going everywhere. Smitty was laughing his head off.
CJ: Excuse me? Are you laughing at me?
Smitty stops laughing, and halts his chins. He pulls the most serious face of his life.
S: Yes.
CJ's began to burn. I swear I saw her hair lift like Medusa's snakes or something. She wanted to punt that little chub-bucket so far.
CJ: Well, at least I know how to run! And I also have a boyfriend who will beat you up.
She looks at me with her goddamn gross eyes. I actually had a girlfriend of my own at the time, she was super nice but sport wasn't her strong suit so she was just chillin'. She might appear in another story, iunno.
But Smitty took the other insult very personally. He loves sport, I caught up with him recently and he told me he want to be a personal trainer. The only thing stopping him from doing more sport and losing his weight is his terrible Osgood-Schlatter disease.
CJ: [still going on about how he can't get a girlfriend] ...and aren't women the ones who are meant to have the boobs? [points at Smitty]
S: [fucking M.A.D] You think I can't run!? Watch me run the 100m in 15 minutes, you slimy, greasy potato fucker!
NOTE: The race started in 15 minutes, it wasn't how long the running would take. Just to clarify.
Smitty stormed off, while CJ was clinging to my arm.
CJ: Babe, he just called you a potato.
I have never run as fast as I did that day. I actually ran faster from CJ than I did in my actual 100m race.
I found Smitty taping up his knee, holding back the tears. He took a small drink of water, considered opening his Gatorade for way too long and didn't get the chance to, as the race had been called.
S: I'm gonna show that bitch.
He stepped up to the plate. Or whatever the foot thing is called, I'm not sure. This was the last race of the day for our year level, and most of the jock guys were running in it. CJ was at the side, watching Smitty like a kid that is mad for doing something they didn't do. Confused, yet also enraged and volatile. She yelled at her "friends" (not real friends) and she moved away to watch on her own. I recited the speech from Cool Runnings for Smitty, something I am very proud of knowing. I jogged up to the finish line to watch the race.
on your mark
I could see Smitty seething with anger. He wanted to win.
get set
I could also see CJ sitting on her own, with a proud look on her face. She didn't think Smitty could do it.
gtfo
It all went so quickly, but the whole Smitty was screaming. Not just in pain from his leg, but from the rage pulsing through him. It was the most awesome paroxysm I have ever seen. The flabs of fat danced like Miley Cyrus, and his chins jumped around like a kangaroo on a pogo stick. He won his heat.
[cheers for Smitty]
I didn't see CJ for the rest of her day. I think she was hiding in her shell, that little snail. An hour or so later, the times for the races were put up. I checked at the bottom for my name, expecting to do badly. I ended up coming 5th out of about 60, only coming behind the four kids who frequently do state competitions.
Smitty was so chuffed. He came 23rd or something, but it was a personal victory for him.
So, that was the day that the Ham won his race. Smitty has lost a bit of weight since then, and is about to have knee surgery. He still does not have a girlfriend. CJ is still a hyper bitch, and I steer clear of her most of the time.
Submitted December 21, 2014 at 03:53AM by nick10131 http://ift.tt/1CkCAqS fatpeoplestories
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