I hate mornings. I don’t really hate all mornings, just mornings like this. Here it is fifteen minutes before the alarm will go off and the baby is hungry. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in months. It seems that a mother’s job is really never done. Well, there’s not much choice now. I have to get up. At least we left the hall light on and I won’t have to find my way with my toes again. The last time that happened, a certain someone’s shoes ended up at the bottom of the stairs. He said he was sorry, but I know better.
I miss the good old days when the first thing I would reach for would be a cup of coffee. Now, it’s the refrigerator and a bottle of “formula.” A quick shot in the microwave, test the temperature, good, it’s ready. “Alright already, shut up. It’s coming.” Maybe we could get a small refrigerator and microwave for the baby’s room. It would save me from walking all the way to the kitchen and back. It would definitely help me get the baby’s food to him quicker when he needs it. Plus, that means that I would spend less time listening to his damn screaming.
"Shush, shush, honey, mommy’s here. Come here baby. How’s the little baby? Is he hungry? Yes, Yes, I know. Hold on just a minute sweetie. Mommy needs to sit down." I don’t know what the problem is, but I’m sure it’s nothing. It just seems like every time I bend over, I get dizzy. Let me just rest for a second damn it. Drink your bottle. Maybe if I just rest my head on the crib.
Oh great, now the cramps are starting in. “Sorry babe, you are going to have to do this on your own for a minute while mommy runs to the bathroom.” At least this gives me a chance to read more of those new mommy articles. Besides, if the rest of the articles are as lousy as the first, they can easily become toilet paper too.
How did the alarm know to choose this particular moment to go off? Wonderful, a blaring buzzer accompanied by a baby’s screams. “And now please join us in a rendition of Prelude to Madness in C sharp from Satan’s Unfinished Symphony.” Excuse me for a moment, it will only take a quick second to yank the cord and toss the alarm clock in the trash. Okay, take a deep breath mommy. "Here I come sugar."
So, apparently you aren’t the smartest baby in the world. You’re hungry, your hand bumps into the bottle every time you scream, yet you can’t figure out how to get a drink. Please, allow me. It would be my pleasure to get it for you. Is there anything else your little heart desires? In fact, since I’m already bending over, why not make it a full bow. Yes sir, yes sir, whatever his highness wishes.
Well, now you’ve done it. I do all of this bowing for you and what do I get? I get to clean up what only moments ago was churning happily in my stomach. Look at the bright side. I’ll probably lose some weight this way. That’s what you wanted in the first place isn’t it darling? The thought of being seen with me just makes you want to scream, right? Scream on, scream on. It’s not like anyone else can hear you.
Now, let’s try this one more time. “How about if we lower this rail so I can hold your bottle? You? You just lie there. There, that works. Give mommy the bottle for just one second so she can pull up a chair.” Damn kid can’t even wait five seconds. “Shut up! Drink your damn bottle and just shut up.”
Why didn’t I think of this before? This is working out great. He gets his bottle. He’s quiet. And I can lay my head down on the cool sheets. Now, this is the way it should be. Mother and son spending quality time together. Sleep baby, sleep. Relax and let your cares slip away. Mommy’s here. There’s nothing to worry about. The sheets are nice and cool, and soft.
Now what? The phone. It’s probably your father. Is this some kind of conspiracy that you men have come up with? Do you think it is funny that I get no sleep?
"Hello. Yes, he’s alright. He’s fat and happy and thinks he’s an operatic superstar. Care to join him? His balls haven’t dropped yet and you don’t have any. You’d make a great pair."
"Coming home early? Don’t bother. Things are fine here. Fine, call whoever you want. Call the Canadian Mounties if you want, just leave me alone.”
Why does everyone seem to be on my case today? Like I have time for this. All I hear is “I’m hungry. I’m lonely. I’ve got shit in my pants.” Well, we all got problems. Deal with it baby. It’s not like I might have had other plans for my life.
More screams? What now?
Oh no! Did I leave the rail down? If it wasn’t for that bastard of a husband disturbing me while I was busy taking care of my baby this never would have happened.
"It’s okay sweetie, mommy’s here now. Mommy won’t let daddy hurt you again. Let’s put some ice on your head. I’m sure the bleeding will stop. That’s right honey, sleep now. It’s all going to be okay soon. Daddy is coming home and soon the men with badges will take him away. They will make him go away for a long time."
"Don’t worry baby, just sleep."
Submitted December 19, 2014 at 12:47AM by nosleep_noworry http://ift.tt/1uXf6Ck nosleep
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