I have two roommates, Mike and Sam. Sam is out of town right now. Mike and I have had a strained relationship for a while.
My SO, Erin [F25] hangs out at the apartment sometimes, and Mike is evidently unhappy about how often she is around.
The Email:
On Thursday, Mike sent me an email. Most of it was a reply to something unrelated. It ended with this paragraph.
On a side note. The dynamic isn't working at the apartment. You're very comfortable in your routine and your relationship. Maybe you two should think about getting your own spot. I've chatted with Sam about it and he felt similar as well as some people in the past. There's not really a nice way to put it but that's that.
I replied:
Thanks for letting me know how you feel. I'll think about it, and I'll let you know by the end of June whether I'm renewing or not.
He replied:
You need to figure out a living situation before the lease is up. I don't need to feel like I'm living in you and your girlfriends apartment.
The Roommates:
All of us came to the apartment as strangers via Craigslist. Mike has been living here for about three years. I have been here for a year and a half. Sam has been here for four months. Mike and Sam have become very friendly, and chat with each other in the common areas a lot.
I have no complaints about Sam. He is a great roommate, and a very pleasant person. He is very agreeable. I don't know if he actually agrees with Mike about wanting me to move out. It is possible that Mike went on a rant about me, and Sam nodded and offered sympathy, and now Mike thinks they are on the same page.
I have some complaints about Mike, but I'm not sure how relevant they are, and this post is already getting long. If people are curious, I can post an edit or a comment.
Me:
I’m going to try to list my negative qualities as a roommate. I don’t have any more self-awareness than the average person, so maybe I’m missing something.
I spend most of my time either in my bedroom or out of the apartment. I realize that some people would rather have a sociable roommate than one who sits in his room, playing on reddit, but I'm not ashamed of who I am. I treat my roommates with respect, and do more than my fair share of cleaning.
I take up more than my fair share of shelf space in the kitchen and in the refrigerator, but we still have plenty of space available.
Once every month or two, I have friends over on a Saturday night. I always let my roommates know in advance, and invite them to join us (which they never do). We can get a little loud, but I don’t put on music, so it’s just talking. There are usually 5 or 10 of us, and everybody leaves around midnight or 1:00.
Sometimes I leave dirty dishes in the sink for a day or so. My roommates do the same thing, so I don’t think they’re upset about me doing it. It’s actually something I mentioned to Mike before I moved in, and to Sam before he moved in: I clean up after myself, but I don’t always have time to do it right away.
When I go to sleep, I tune my radio to static, and turn on a 60-minute sleep timer. My bedroom is right next to the kitchen, and I have a hard time falling asleep if I can hear people using the kitchen, so the white noise helps me fall asleep. I don’t know if this is bothering my roommates, but neither of them has said anything about it.
Sam and I share a wall with poor sound insulation. When Erin and I have sex, we put on classical music, to try to cover the sound.
My Girlfriend:
Erin and I met about 15 months ago, shortly after I moved into this apartment.
She lives on the other side of town, where she goes to grad school. For the past three months, she has had a job and internship that are both close to my apartment.
Sunday through Thursday, she'll usually spend one or two nights at my apartment. Generally, she just comes over at 11pm. She texts me, I let her in, and we go to sleep shortly thereafter.
On weekends, we'll often spend most of our time at one person's apartment (more often mine). We don't spend much time in the common areas, except while eating meals and using the bathroom.
About two months ago, Mike complained about having to wait for an extra person to shower in the morning. Erin and I started waking up earlier, and now we are both able to finish showing before Mike wakes up. (Also, he wakes up later than he used to. He might have started a new job recently.)
Going forward:
I am not planning on moving out of the apartment before the lease ends in August (and I might want to renew). It might seem strange that I want to stay with a roommate who doesn’t like me, but I really like this apartment, and I like living with Sam.
For the next two weeks, my girlfriend has a break from both her job and her internship, so we will spend a lot more time at her place. Hopefully, this will give Mike some time to cool off, and then things will get better when Sam comes back.
I'm planning to send the following email to both of my roommates. I'm not sure how much, if anything, Mike has told Sam about this.
Hi guys,
Sam, I hope you're enjoying your vacation. When do you get back? I'm not sure if Mike has told you this already, but he is upset with me and has asked me to move out of the apartment.
At some point in January, the three of us have to sit down and talk for an hour. Hopefully, we can agree on something that makes everyone happy.
-Il_coinquilino
Questions:
Does my planned email look good?
When we do have a house meeting, how should I prepare? What should I be ready to say?
I’m having a hard time thinking of more specific questions, because Mike gave me very vague complaints. Is there any other advice you can offer?
TL;DR: One roommate told me to move out. The other roommate is out of town, and I don’t know if he’s in the loop. I was only given vague complaints, so I don’t really know how to respond. All I know for sure is that my roommate is unhappy with the amount of time my girlfriend spends in the apartment.
Submitted December 21, 2014 at 10:15PM by il_coinquilino http://ift.tt/1DYSgVr relationships
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