Request: Recovery from AN b/p type, it seems like no one understands EatingDisorders

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice in my recovery from AN b/p subtype. For some background, my ED is basically binging and purging all of the time, I rarely restrict (despite my diagnosis of AN), and that is what I am trying to recover from. I was in IP in August and discharged with an OP team and a meal plan. I stopped seeing my OP dietician, however, at the end of September because my insurance was not covering it, and she wasn't helping at all (I was following my meal plan to a T and didn't restore weight and all she told me was to eat desserts with every meal).

My main problem is this: I can't stop binging and purging, and no one seems to even recognize it as an issue despite my insistence that I need help with it. Especially with all of the doctors I saw in IP, it seems they took one look at me, saw that I'm underweight, and assumed that I am restricting. No matter how many times I said that I hardly restrict, I just binged and purged all day, they won't address it.

When I go to my dad's house, he'd stock up on junk food and pressure me to eat it all, essentially pressuring me into a relapse. It took me MONTHS to convince him that binging is, in fact, what I'm trying to recover from. And when I go see my OP team and tell them of an episode, they just say "I'm glad you gave yourself permission to eat that! You're doing so well!" as if it were some sort of triumph and not a terrible demon that I feel is controlling my life.

I would understand this attitude if I were recovering from restricting type AN, since binging is a fairly normal part of recovery. But I hardly restrict which is part of what terrifies me. But I feel like I'm going insane from this.

The urge to binge is constant and I have to fight it every moment of every day. I made it three weeks free, and while I thought it would get easier to resist, it just felt like it got more difficult everyday until I simply couldn't handle it anymore and I turned into a raging monster tearing through half of the refrigerator. It doesn't help that no one seems to understand what the real problem is, and they're practically congratulating me every time I relapse.

I would also understand if this had only started recently. So, I don't really want to do the MinnieMaud approach of letting myself eat whatever I want because I know that binging is mainly just a destructive coping mechanism for me and I don't want to reinforce it. Especially because I don't think that I would be able to stop binging, even when I got back up to a normal weight.

What helped you through recovery? How did you get others to understand that binging and purging is the problem? Thanks!

Submitted October 26, 2014 at 07:18PM by EDPostRequests http://ift.tt/1zber7B EatingDisorders