Dear Trick-or-Treat Fellows,
If you haven't gotten your gift yet, it might be that I'm your Santa. First off, let me apologise. I normally try to ship in the first week. So, my bad. But I had a good excuse.
Boxes, dear reader. The issue is boxes. Too big, too small, too weak, too peed on by my dog. There's always trouble finding just the right box.
I had particular issues with this exchange as I had a lot of goodies, many of which weren't bendable but were loose and very space-consuming. "Cumbersome," you might say. I wanted a box that was medium-size, something bigger than a shoebox and smaller than the boxes they ship refrigerators in. Apparently these boxes are endangered because I couldn't find one. I know you can buy them at the post office, but I just hate the idea of paying for a box. I'm sure many of you can relate.
I sat at my dining room table amidst a colourful assortment of candy and treats, pondering my conundrum, when suddenly, the solution presented itself. My dog, the one who pees on things, was struggling to reach some of the treats, probably to pee on them. (He's an Italian greyhound and whenever he tries to get food he gets this look. Artist's depiction.)
He's incontinent (and also probably just a jerk). But guess what his little potty pads come in? The solution to my problem, dear reader. A box! They come in a box of the appropriate size that is also sanctioned by The Walt Disney Company ®!
Now, a better person than I might have simply decorated the box to hide their dog's shame. Or at least wrapped it in that brown paper that you can get free at the grocery store or pay a lot of money for at the post office even though it's the same paper. But not I. Oh no. What came to my mind was an idea. A beautiful, wonderful idea.
I put the goodies in the box. They filled the area of the box perfectly, but only came up to about a third of the way to the top. So it was a little bit too tall. I filled up the rest of that space with newspaper. I taped the whole thing up without taking pictures because I didn't realise how proud I'd be at the end, and didn't expect to make this post.
But here's the cool part:
I did not wrap the box. I got the label from the Trick-or-Treat Exchange fixed it to the box... but not before I borrowed the icon from the Pet Exchange and used that for the return address.
The result is that the box is addressed to my Trick-or-Treat giftee, but the return label makes it look like it's for the Pet Exchange, not the Trick-or-Treat exchange.
(For those of you who have no idea what I mean, go pull up your giftee's info and click the "print label with return address" button. You'll see a nifty icon next to both your name and your giftee's name. The "send" label always has a picture of a Snoo in a box, but the "return" label has a picture of the unique Snoo for particular exchange next to it.)
Immediately inside the box, on top of the newspaper, there's a card. "2014 REDDIT GIFTS PET EXCHANGE" it reads in silver, with ample paw-print decorations.
On the inside of the card, it says "CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PUPPY! Hope you like these potty pads!"
Then, past the newspaper, on top of the treats, a second card says "Just kidding. Now that you've been tricked, enjoy your treats."
Now... we wait, and we see what happens.
Possibility 1: My giftee is also signed up for the pet exchange and won't think this is weird, but will be surprised that they've been duped once they get to the bottom of the box.
Possibility 2: My giftee is NOT signed up for the pet exchange. I hope this is the case. I hope they feel just a little disappointed, and think that I accidentally mixed up giftees and they got a box of doggie diapers, but will then feel EXTRA excited to realise they've been pranked and got the correct gift after all!
Possibility 3: My giftee will not get the joke. No loss. The gifts are still great.
Possibility 4: I'm actually a brain in a jar and none of you exist except in my mind, as dream-people I've subconsciously created because it's lonely to be in a jar by myself, so none of the other possibilities are consequential. I'm going to say this is probably my least favourite scenario.
Possibility 5: My giftee will read this exceedingly long post (if you've gotten this far, kudos) and will already be in on the joke when they get the red puppy box. Guys, if everyone from here can ship stuff in puppy potty pad boxes to throw my giftee off the scent, I'd really appreciate it. You can ship the pads you don't use to me, for my dog to not to pee on, as he'd rather pee on literally anything else in the house.
But, no matter what happens, my package is getting sent out tomorrow first thing. ARE YOU EXCITED, REDDITGIFTS?? I get very, very choked up with anticipatory delight whenever I'm about to send out a gift. This is my last one for this round so I took extra care with it. The next time I'll see it will hopefully be in the gallery.
I can't wait. Squeeee!
Godspeed, you magnificent little potty pad box. Godspeed.
Yours truly,
Someone a little too invested in RedditGifts
P.S.: My other two dogs are not jerks and are perfectly housetrained, as is my rabbit. I'm the same person who got a rabbit potty for the pet exchange. A lot of my posts here revolve around my pets' bathroom habits, apparently. Sorry for that. :-/
Submitted October 22, 2014 at 09:45AM by IAlbatross http://ift.tt/1uCMsqp secretsanta
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