Nyctophobia nosleep

Apologies, everyone as this is my first post. I've read a bit in this community and feel it will be a good place to share my story as I tire of carrying it alone with me. Most people simply do not understand. The few I have told it to stare at me strangely or laugh at me as if I'm telling a joke, but despite that it's quite real to me. Maybe I won't be as judged here.

Nyctophobia is what is known as, a fear of the dark. It's a fear that I used to not have when I was little. In fact, where most children are scared of the dark, it never bothered me. I actually somewhat enjoyed it. That changed greatly when I was fifteen. To this day I am twenty nine and still terrified of the dark. It's a severe phobia, one that induces panic attacks. It's severe enough that I have to sleep with the lights on in my house. It has to be a house light as the illumination from my monitor does not provide enough. There can be no patches of darkness around me or I start remembering those events.

Now I was always a quirky person. Despite sleeping in a bed, I didn't have blankets on my bed. Instead, I slept in a red Marlboro sleeping bag with a flannel interior and a nylon exterior. It was a gift from my grandmother I believe when she collected box tops from smokers around her. The other was a blue flannel that was much much thicker. It was entirely cloth, cotton I believe and much warmer so I used it during winter. The details aren't important, but I liked the security it provided. I don't know why , I just always felt safer in a sleeping bag. I guess it was because there was only one entry point up near my head when it was zipped up, which it always was when I slept.

The first night this all started was just like any other night. I was happily snuggled into my sleeping bag and drifted off to sleep. Later that night I woke up with an urge to use the bathroom, thus I went across the hall, done my business and came back. I snuggled back into my sleeping bag and started to drift off to sleep. That was when I noticed them. Two piercing red orbs staring at me from the darkness within my closet. I wasn't afraid at first. I simply dismissed it as my sleepy mind playing tricks on me. After all, it was probably some red diodes from an electrical set I played with frequently and thus I drifted off to sleep.

Then the nightmare began. Notice I type nightmare in singular. The reason for this is because after that night I had the same nightmare every. Single. Time.

I was simply drifting in this dark void in my nightmare. There was nothing around me though I could feel I was walking on solid ground. I simply kept walking but there was nothingness in all directions. Void as far as the eye could see. Then I noticed in the distance those two glowing red eyes. It was then I began to hear something speaking. It's voice seemed like it was deep, yet sultry, clearly feminine. It kept walking towards me speaking in some language I did not recognize. It almost didn't sound human.

Then I snapped awake, the morning light pouring through my window. I went to school, came back and when I looked at the room, I felt strange. I remembered the nightmare and started checking the closet. Surely it was just some diodes or something that still had some power that had a faint glow in the darkness, just a barely charged nine volt or something. I desperately searched and tore my closet apart only to find it was recently cleaned.

That's right. My mother finally badgered me enough until I grew frustrated, pulled everything out of the closet into a massive pile and then just threw it away. Nothing was left in there but a few old teddy bears and stuff from my sister's collection that had gotten lost in the closet, a pit that usually swallowed up everything that was put into it.

I gave up and just convinced myself it was an overactive imagination. Went about my daily stuff of gaming and then came back and went to bed. However, that night I noticed the door open as I was getting ready for bed and decided to shut it. The closet door was one of those that folded in half and was on a sliding track.

I went to bed and drifted off to sleep without a care in the world. Oddly enough, that night I woke up out of my sleeping bag. I was standing in front of the open refrigerator which was strange. I don't recall ever sleepwalking, but still it had happened before, or so I was told when I was very young. I shrugged, grabbed some milk and then went to bed. I again snuggled up into my sleeping bag and started to drift off to sleep, only this time I noticed the closet door was open. Those same two red orbs gazing out from the darkness within it at me again as I lay there. By now I was starting to question things, whether they were real or simply an illusion created by my barely conscious mind. I decided to just drift off to sleep. After all, nothing had happened yet.

I again slept and again I had the same nightmare. Darkness and void as far as the eye can see, those two red eyes gazing at me and slowly walking towards me from the distance only, this time I could make out the shape a little better. Her face looked to be slightly pale, yet, strangely alluring. That deep, yet sultry voice rang through clearer and almost called, nay, compelled me to walk towards it, yet it seemed no matter how much I walked, I never grew closer to her. Morning came and I again awoke.

Now, I was clearly beginning to become a bit perturbed, yet curious at the same time. A second time I tore through my closet, desperately wanting to find a logical conclusion to this mess and prove it was simply an electrical kit that I had left laying somewhere. A second time I had found nothing. The time came to see if it was possible to impede this thing's goal, whatever it may be. I noticed that both times I had only had the nightmare after seeing it. Therefore, logically if I closed off it's means of contact, then I might make it lose interest in go away. Thus I enacted my plan.

After school that day I came home and the first thing I had done was barricaded the door to my closet. Remember that earlier I stated it was a sliding door that folded in half. I closed it, shoved everything I could in front of it. Couch, dresser, did not matter. If it was tangible and heavy it was getting pushed in front of it. I patted myself on the back after my work was done and proceeded on my way to game some more. The night came and I fell asleep, confident that whatever was in there wouldn't bother me. After all, I couldn't open the door by pulling on it, so it should be safe, right?

Crash. I was awakened from my sleep very violently. The door to my closet was removed from it's tracks from the top. It was laying over the barricade I had created but TOWARDS me. This means it didn't fall. It had stood for years, no way possible it could fall. No it was pushed from the inside.

I was wide awake. I simply stared at the door to my closet, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. The first thing I noticed was those red eyes gazing out at me. I saw no features of her, just those red eyes that she used to watch me from the darkness. However they seemed more clear. Her pupils were like slits, much like a cat's eyes would be when they are in a bright light. Trying to convince myself now that this was a tired mind playing tricks was in vain. I was wide awake. It, nay, she was there and very much real.

I simply stared back at her for hours on end, terrified to go to sleep. I mean, the image of her kept getting clearer, so what happened if I ever actually saw her? The uncertainty created a fear in my mind that nagged at me. Eventually, I succumbed to my fatigue and fell asleep. Again, the same nightmare, this time with a little bit more of her being more visible. The pale, ashen skin, those fiery red eyes, this time her long, crimson hair and what appeared to look like two protruding horns from the top of her head. Not her forehead, but slightly from the middle. The voice again, was clearer, but still no language I could understand. Despite the lack of understanding, I still found myself drawn to it and still I approached, only to wake up as I got anywhere close to her.

“Fine, you win.” That was eventually the words I mumbled that night as I drifted off to sleep.

I decided not to block the closet anymore. I took the door off of it and set it to the side, to where it still stands to this day fourteen years later. This continued on for years. Eventually I finally saw her in her entirety, mostly because I only had the nightmare if I was disturbed from my sleep and saw her. I also learned that if I slept during the day, she didn't bother me. Only at night and only if I had awoken from my sleep.

She had a strange, otherworldly beauty to her. Pale, ashen skin, crimson red hair and eyes with those slitted pupils. Her hands looked like claws, but a humanoid like claw, as if the fingernails had simply grown a bit too long. A spaded tail seemed to come from her lower back, just above her bottom and swayed as if it had a mind of its own. Even then I was never able to reach her, always waking to the morning light just before getting to her.

Then it happened. I laid down to go to sleep that night. My fear had by now subsided and I was more curious than anything. Whatever she was, there was never any threatening gestures. Yes it was terrifying, but oddly enough my body never told me to run. That nagging feeling when you just know something is wrong and you should get out of there. The spidey sense that every person has for danger that is innately embedded into our DNA. That never went off. I simply said a “good night” to the closet's direction as I had began to grow accustomed to and snuggled into my sleeping bag to drift off to sleep.

As I slept that night, I felt the mattress springs sink down, as if someone was climbing into bed with me.

“Go back to your own room, Sis.” I mumbled.

My sister, despite being older than me, was always afraid of the dark and often times she'd get scared and some sleep in the same room. This was just a habitual reaction to when she done that. That was when it hit me. My sister had moved away about a year ago.

Furthermore, it felt like something was in my sleeping bag, as if something was crawling up my sleeping bag next to me. My eyes snapped open, I was wide awake. I also had a habit of sleeping on my side and facing towards the closet. Turning my back to it, for some reason, always made me uncomfortable. The thing I noticed is that those red eyes that were usually there..They were missing.

I felt the warmth and form of what seemed like a person, only it was warmer. Not quite a burning sensation but, a very slight tingle, if that makes any sense. I had a habit of always sleeping in my briefs so it was when I felt it brush against my ankles that I first noticed it.

Then, I felt arms wrap around me and a clearly feminine form clinging against me from behind. She traced her nails up and down my stomach as she simply held me for some time. Despite the comforting feeling, I was paralyzed with fear. I did not want to turn around, or attempt to. I just laid there, staring at the darkness of the closet.

My heart at this point was pounding furiously. I could hear it beating, driving away the otherwise deafening silence. She never once spoke, which I found odd. Then again I chose not to engage in conversation either as my spidey sense that I mentioned earlier was now blaring alarm bells.

I won't bother to divulge other details as, honestly I feel a bit embarrassed in mentioning some things that she done. There was never anything more than that, probably because I decided not to look at her, but regardless, that was not the last time it happened. She was quite the frequent visitor for many a night. Every night was the same reaction. When I did fall asleep this time, it was always the same nightmare, only this time I could actually reach her. I don't remember what happened too clearly after I did, usually awaking shortly after though I always did feel wore out. It seemed no matter how much I slept, I was always tired.

All I know is ever since that night, I have developed a very real fear of the dark. So much in fact that I have trouble sleeping at night mainly because I will find myself having that nightmare. When I am in the dark, I begin to panic, searching for any type of light. She never liked the light for some reason, even that of a flashlight. But in total darkness I'm reminded of that nightmare and of her. Despite the invitation that nagging feeling that I should flee as fast as I can never went away. In fact, there are times although faint, that I still feel she stalks me to this very day...

I know it sounds strange, as if something like that couldn't be scary...But something always told me that if I ever faced her like that outside of my dreams it would be a mistake I would regret...And probably my last.

Submitted October 16, 2014 at 07:33AM by kinohki http://ift.tt/1vfr12G nosleep