[support]
Warning: This may also be a Trigger Causing post.
Wow, let me be the first to say that I am absolutely thrilled that this subreddit is here. It's so very difficult for me to explain my situation with friends because they have no clue what it's like to have a family quite like mine. I've read a lot of stories on here before I actually started posting and I am overwhelmed by the emotion that I can actually relate to now. Not once have I ever felt this.
So where to begin with my mess? Well, my mother is a narcissist. My father is a very brilliant sociopath. Interesting combination, but for some reason I feel like I came about pretty normal, versus my older brother who is also a sociopath.
Mom always told me I was a planned child and that my older brother was not. Dad always told me that when I was born, my mother told him to take my brother and she'll take me. That turned into a major controversy of its own but... we'll save that for another time.
I have a really difficult time remembering my childhood as so many things have happened to me I seriously think my mind has developed some sort of defensive mechanism that has carried on into adulthood. Most of the time, I do not remember a single thing about anything bad that has happened to me. I do remember, vaguely, some parts of terrible situations that have happened during my rough times, but what or why they happened I can't and will not ever remember.
But what I do remember: A.) Mother placed me in child glitz beauty pageants (exactly like you see on Toddlers and Tiaras) for a duration of 12 years of my life. She would beat the shit out of me when I would get tired of practicing. I also remember during a Thanksgiving meal one year while I was still in beauty pageants, she continuously called me fat (I was not fat, I was severely underweight because she forced me to eat dry salads at school so I wouldn't "outgrow" my pageant clothes) numerous of times because my younger, child self went to go get an ice cream sandwich from the refrigerator with my cousins. I believe my family was so appalled by her behavior because she never really showed her true colors like that before in front of people before, that they only waited to say anything after she made me cry and throw away the ice cream sandwich. (Weird how I actually remember that of all the things.)
Um, my dad never got involved because he never really cared to be honest. Oddly enough though, even though I had it pretty rough, I was deemed the golden child, not my older brother. My older brother had it way worse than me. Mom hardly ever paid him attention and my sociopath dad would do the most absurd punishments to him. Which leads me to believe he had some sort of developmental disorder to lead him to his own sociopathic tendencies. My brother has been to prison so many times I can't count of my fingers. (I'm getting off topic here.)
B.) When my parents divorced, oh my god....
No child should ever have to deal with a divorce like that. Mother married my step-dad who was my dad's best friend. Dad was so pissed by the situation he would cut himself and call the cops, claiming mom attacked him. Both parents would plant drugs under each other's cars. Mom ditched me on my grandmother (bless her soul, she was the best thing to ever happen to me and I can't express how thankful I am to have such an amazing grandmother), dad disappeared from the face of the planet after my Uncle, his brother, who is also a sociopath, tried to kill him. (He shot him with a Glock 42 twice, once in the shoulder and once in the finger. Dad is missing a finger now.)
C.) Mom married a meth head. fkjdsfkhadfklahsfd Worst thing ever. I think meth has cooked her brain because now, though she is clean, she is worse than ever. Which leads me to the main reason why I stumbled upon this reddit...
Both my brother and I have been beaten senseless by our parents for very minuscule things. I was able to escape everything thanks to my precious grandmother and be raised by something that was actually good. However, since my grandmother did raise me, that meant that though I did become estranged to my dad, my mother was still around. I /still/ had to deal with her. Now I'm 23 years old and can finally make decisions on my own, I decided to kick her out of my life.
Reasons? Well, she's a very crappy parent for one, she never did anything for me ever, anything that I was successful in she made sure to act like she didn't care, she found another girl slightly younger than me and called her "daughter as well." And oddly enough, treated her waaaayyyyyyy better than me. She has no job, therefore she takes advantage of my 85 year old grandmother, having her pay her bills and phone bill. She also forces my grandmother to take care of my younger half brother, and when my grandmother says no she raises the biggest shit storm to her. This last time, she kicked, screamed, and called my grandmother derogatory names in the middle of the elementary school parking lot because my grandmother, bless her soul at 85 years old is STILL able to drive, drove to the elementary school to pick him up despite not wanting to. My mother FOLLOWED her to the school and did this to her, in front of everybody.
These were the reasons why.
Earlier today she sent me text messages begging to not be estranged, that we were "not meant to be estranged," etc. I basically told her to go screw herself. She plays the victim here again, calling me mean, hateful, spiteful, sick in the head, dope head (trust me, I am no where near a dope head), sends me on guilt trips by using my little brother, saying that because of the way I'm acting I will never see him again, and even sends TEXT MESSAGES to my significant other talking about if he saw the things I was sending her, that he would leave me, brings my 85 year old grandmother in the middle of our spat, etc. But yet, here I am, still trying to give her a chance to redeem herself as long as she lets me talk and get these things off my chest. I don't know why, but I'm still longing for her attention, for her approval, even after trying to dump her and move on with my life happily. I don't know what to do here right now....
She has done so many things it is overwhelming... I didn't know what to tag this thing as and maybe I'll go into further detail with my family life but for right now, there is so much to type I just can't even imagine putting it all here, into one thread. If I do talk about what has happened to me, they will be in seperate threads because being raised my two psychopathic adults will take its toll on you. Luckily I had my grandmother, my poor older brother, however, did not.
Help? :(
Submitted October 24, 2014 at 11:16AM by NoctRly http://ift.tt/1toNWb8 raisedbynarcissists
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