What Is the Point of This Life? I Can't See Anything Good About it Anymore offmychest

After writing and re-writing a few hundred times I am finally posting. Ugh. I need to vent. I am not even given any credit for all the good stuff I’ve done. I am screamed at, screamed at, screamed at. But told to “toughen up” or “stop being so sensitive”.

God, Mom, fighting fighting fighting I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING AND I’M THE ONE IN TROUBLE!! I am so desperate for money to start coming in but it is taking awhile. You know the situation. You’ve known about my finances for a long time now – I’ve told you. And provided spread sheets and everything at your request. Yet you are surprised now?

And also, you don’t take into account how long I had to go through my surgery recovery, resulting in my condition. You’re also all “THEY WON’T FUCKING HIRE YOU IF YOU WALK INTO THAT INTERVIEW WITH A CANE BECAUSE IT’S ‘INSTANT LIABILITY!!!!!’ YOU MIGHT AS WELL NOT GO BECAUSE IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN”.

My life is absolute shit and while some cool things are happening they do not overshadow everything else or the bad shit happening now. After the latest round of being screamed at by my mom (in which I have done nothing – I didn’t even do anything – in many ways I am better than she is – it’s not fair). I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I pay rent, I pay all my bills except this one time for extenuating circumstances, but I’m the one that’s screamed at.

This treatment isn’t fair.

I am still recovering from an injury that happened a year ago. Without revealing any identifying information: I had surgery. I had complications from the surgery which resulted in me being away from work for 8 months. These complications resulted in me having to do the rest of my recovery at work, while coming into work for 9 hours a day every day Monday – Friday. I am still recovering a year later from this surgery. Not only that:

1. I lost my job in August.
2. Had to start a consulting business to allow me to reinstate COBRA – I had to pay fucking $1200 to reinstate COBRA. Oh dear God heaven forbid I miss a month – I don’t use it, but I still have to pay four hundred and fifty fucking dollars to reinstate it because – the fuckers at the insurance company don’t allow for a month inbetween without use.
3. I’m now being screamed at now for finances and credit card debt. Well excuse me mom, I helped you out a number of times with these credit cards, and it’s not frivolous shit – things like new hearing aids which were necessary for ME, dog surgery for our new dog, garage doors, refrigerators, washers. New tires and air conditioning for my fucking car so I could get to and from work.
   
4. Yes my credit cards have been run back up but it wasn’t all me. Part of it was you and everything was necessary!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why I have to give you all of my financial information when you’re under mountains of debt yourself is beyond me. Fucking hypocrite. No I can’t move out Reddit, so don’t ask.

As soon as I came back to work from disability, the lies started with a bad review. I provided proof to HR that many parts of the review were a lie and exaggerated and that management manufactured my mistakes. No response. When I was written up, I provided proof that the vast majority of the write up was fraudulent and a lie. No response. I’m basically fired for discriminatory reasons with no voice of my own.

As far as the management that lied about me: THEY called in sick every week for a year. They constantly made real mistakes on the job and didn’t follow policy/procedure. Yet when I have to recover from my injury/surgery at work, made only very minor mistakes due to being away from work for 8 months, and continue coming into work day after day for 9 hours a day, but I’m the one that’s fired? Fuckers.

Some good things are happening though:

1. I have a phone interview Monday (but it doesn’t solve the problem of my credit card bill today being late).
2. I have an assignment starting with a major national brand bigger than the company I worked with before when I was employed.
3. I am being given much more work and constantly being utilized at my new consulting position with a major national partner, which is in direct contradiction to what I was “criticized for” at my job.

But it’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to be doing this consulting stuff and being treated like I am at home. I deserve a full-time job. I deserve to have the treatment and justice I deserve. I don’t deserve to have you screaming at me.

My woman friend who I know from work has stopped texting me. I'm sure she's just tolerating and humoring me and would prefer that just I stop communicating entirely. She has a boyfriend anyway. I'm in love with her but I would never tell her while she's in a relationship. I'm not a douche. We're just friends and that's fine with me but I fantasize about her telling me she's in love with me. But I guess that's fine. It won't happen anyway.

Nothing ever works out for me. God, what is the whole damned point of this life? I wish it would stop for awhile. A big earthquake, anything. Just stop. For awhile.

Submitted December 08, 2017 at 11:46PM by ThrowAway29192832 http://ift.tt/2B1iGtJ offmychest