My fiance's mother is extremely mentally ill and her family cut off communication when he was a child, leaving her to horribly mentally and physically abuse he and his sisters. She was in and out of institutions when her family was in her life but since then (over 20 years) she has been left to herself, refused mental care, never got a job and too prideful and paranoid to apply for government assistance.
She lives in the north east, in a house that was forclosed on years ago with his eldest sister who has developmental disabilities but is somewhat able to be independant (has kept a part time job for 5+ years, has an internet boyfriend in europe who she flew to visit but was not allowed in the country, he visits her but doesnt seem invested in getting her out of the situation, also lives with his mom..) The house has no heat, is full of mold, falling apart. It's a "grey gardens" situation. He just bought them a refrigerator over the phone because he found out they hadn't had a working fridge for months.
He feels very responsible for his mother, at one point spoke of moving her in with us -and I told him I would move out, she's capable of physical violence and did really unspeakable things to him as a kid so..no. Not to mention the regular screaming and belief that the government is after her.. But he can't relieve himself of the guilt for her situation because she is family. Family is very important to him, because his is so broken I guess. We are both poor, mid twenties service industry workers, we can't afford to support her and his sister, but he feels like a horrible person for not being able to rent them an apartment, buy them groceries, etc.
He thinks if she is put in a state institution (which he thinks is likely because the neighbors are constantly calling the cops on her for various crazy shit, and the other day she told him other state workers came to the house to check on their living conditions) she will DEFINITELY be abused and raped, held captive, etc and it would be all his fault. But she will 100% not survive on the streets either and it's only a matter of time before they are kicked out of the house they're squatting.
If she won't apply for gov. assistance, if his sister wont/cant get a full time job so that they can eat/heat the home/ move and no one IRL cares about either of their well being except for him...what can we even do? I hate watching him suffer with feeling guilty for the situation his mother created for herself (well, as responsible as you can be with extreme mental illness), but I also don't think sending her money will help, and I absolutely am not willing to move them in with us and support them completely, not that we would afford to even fly them to visit.
What options are there for finding help on her behalf? Or..how can I help him to realize none of this is actually his responsibility even if "she's my family!!" I feel so powerless and confused.
Submitted December 18, 2017 at 08:28AM by Margauxstarship http://ift.tt/2AMrVL0 Advice
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