Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Is this the community for me? raisedbynarcissists

So, I am a 20 year old college student who isn’t entirely certain whether or not my parents qualify as “narcissists”. I suppose the best way to break this down is to just provide perspective on both parents: My father is incredibly manipulative, emotionally cold, backward, and generally does a great job of making my life a living hell. He blames my mother’s depression on my refusal to believe in their SPECIFIC church doctrine, he routinely uses my girlfriend and “the family opinion” on her as a bargaining chip, has made it clear that I am a financial assett (I am fully expected to buy them a beach house when I become a doctor), he routinely denies my right to express myself as “being against the family”, he denies the existence of my mental illness (severe OCD) as “liberal nonsense meant to make his family look bad”, he goes from friendly to aggressive in the blink of an eye, he purposefully walks loudly when on the hardwood floor outside my room when I’m home because he KNOWS it gives me anxiety, he’s planning on drug testing me and taking me out of my college if I fail based on hunches (I use cannabis to help break compulsions, please leave your assumptions about cannabis use at the door (I should also mention that I have a 3.713 GPA, so I’m balancing it in my life just fine)), he has hit me before (though infrequently), and generally spikes my anxiety as a human being. My mother clings to me like a middle school girlfriend. She obsessively takes pictures of me doing mundane things, questions my faith in Jesus based on nothing at all, has installed a “shrine” to me above where I sleep in my room that I have repeatedly asked to take down (and been repeatedly denied), has 17 pictures of me on our refrigerator, including ones made into magnets, while only having 6 of my sister (who still lives with them full time). She refuses to let me do my own laundry, cries to my dad when I don’t call everyday, and generally makes me feel miserable as a human being. I hate this. I hate it so much. I want it to stop. I wish I was born an orphan, I hate how heartless that sounds but I honestly and genuinely envy those who were born to parents who either didn’t care enough to acknowledge their existence, or who just weren’t there. I want a life where I can shut my door. I want a life where hostile people don’t invade my space at the drop of a hat to “make their presence known”. I want a life where I’m not belittled for drinking our hometown’s semi-famously carcinogenic water. I want to know, Idk, do I qualify as having Nparents?



Submitted November 01, 2017 at 07:28AM by Red_giant_lion http://ift.tt/2z8ocJD raisedbynarcissists

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