Okay, so here is the scenario I am in: I currently live with 2 other roommates, one male one female. We are all around the same age, but the female attends a different (private) university. Some background information before I die deep into the present situations. I had met both over a FB page and after actually meeting in person a few times, I felt that I had made a good choice in roommates (I am the one who found my place first, just needed some people to live with). Here are some of the things that I had asked and was hoping to share similar thinking about: 1: Doing your dishes within a reasonable time (i.e. if you need to run to class in the morning, no big deal. Or, if an exam is coming up/finals are near, even a couple days are OK). 2: Do our fair share of housework; simply try to take out the trash when you can, clean up your messes, help maintain the shared bathroom as best as you can. 3: To to keep an open line of communication with one another so when conflicts do arise, we can do our best to solve them in an adult and respective manner. 4: if you're going to have people over, please let everyone else know ahead of time (same things with parties, get-togethers, etc.). Now that that is squared away, here are some of the situations that have happened so far and also most recently, starting from earlier to present. The first initial month was going pretty smooth, everyone was being respectful with one another, cleaning up after themselves, and all around a healthy atmosphere. Then my male roommate (We'll call him Joe) had severely fallen off the boat and became one of the messiest people I knew. After trying to not cause any conflict, I simply would clean up after him and even the female roommate (we'll call her Marie) occasionally. This had gone on well into the 1st semester and approaching finals. Eventually, I had severely stressed out, and simply asked the Joe does his dishes when he should. I simply received a "kay" and I felt that that would be the end of it. Boy was I naive. It had been maintained for about one week and then immediately back to the disgusting piles as before. Needless to say, it got to the point where I had felt like I was a parent begging his kid to do his chores. Finally, after I simply had stated how it was unfair, rude, disrespectful, etc. I had received severe backlash. Winter break was approaching, so I had hoped things would settle down and return to normal when we got back. BUT, the week of my finals (of which I had 5, also I am a Pre-med student with heavy load) Marie had felt it was appropriate to come into the apartment at 6am and begin to completely disregard the fact anyone was sleeping (my room is also so luckily right next to the kitchen) and had awoken me from my 2 hours of sleep. THis went on for a solid 15 minutes until she clomped down the stairs...in her HEELS...and rushed out of the door. Now, being on only 120 minutes of sleep I had been rather aggravated. However, I decided it would be best to wait until she left before sending her a message over our group chat instead of confronting her in person at that time. I will fully admit my message could have been more respectful, but Marie (recall she went to the private college) who had already been done with her exams and was worry free for the last week, had gotten a good tongue lashing over text. I began to ask who was banging around and being totally rude. I also had said, "what the fuck?". That is the worst that I had texted. To sum this part up, she had argued with me about how she didn't know I had exams (even though I told both my roommates a few times 2 weeks in advance) and how she really didn't know that she was being loud. I assure you, anyone in my situation would have thought that someone was being murdered in my kitchen with several cabinets being slammed, refrigerator door as well. At the end of the day, both of my roommates, Joe and Marie had ganged up on me and told me I was being unnecessarily upset and that I was wrong. I ended up apologizing for the cursing, but never received any form of apology back from either. Fast-forward to 2nd semester. Next incident as again from Marie. Marie had enjoyed being able to go out about 2-3 times per week and coming home late at night drunk. One night, after I came home from the library, I saw yet another massive pile of dishes and extremely messy kitchen. I assumed it was Joe, who had been playing videogames for a few hours already, and calmly told him to clean up his mess. I was told it was Maries, and I simply messaged her telling her it was totally unacceptable to leave behind a mess...especially when you are simply just going out drinking with your friends again. Similar result from both roommates that night and following morning. I just can't win folks. If you made it this far, I appreciate your patience and (hopefully) interest. Finally, I will skip a few more scenarios (mostly regarding Joe being lazy and still very messy) and go over the last month. 4 weeks ago I had gotten a dog in our apartment, and yes, I did ensure I had asked my roommates SEVERAL times that it was okay with them, and gotten all the necessary paperwork done through the landlord. First week had gone well enough, my 1-yr old rescued dog from the humane society was adjusting very well. Until I had one very busy day of a lab and exam immediately following. I had kept her in her crate, and simply told Joe to text me if she started to get riled up or anything like that. I made sure to leave a 30-minute window between lab and my exam to come home and take her out etc. Within a few minutes of starting to come home from my lab, I receive a message from Joe that my dog somehow managed to escape her crate and was going "crazy". First her crate is located in my room, which is already dog-proofed and is okay if she did manage to get out (even by some Houdini shit). I found out he had actually gone into my room, and man-handled my dog back into my crate. This is totally wrong and wa a huge boundry passed, although it wa deemed totally fine by Joe. After I had calmly reminded Joe that my room is dog-proofed and that I would be the sole one to take care of my dog, I simply told him not to do what he did in the future. This was received with a, "yeah, whatever". I simply brushed it of my mind and tried to forget about the situation. I enrolled my dog in training classes and had now a strict regimen for her to be on. The third week I had my dog, I was teaching her more behavioral manner (not jumping on people, stopping mouthing/nipping etc). My dog had got out of my room when I didn't close it all the way and simply went by Joe in the living room (where he literally does live in now for ~8 hrs a day on his xBox) and was just asking to be petted. Joe had begun to push her away and get more physical with her. I immediately stepped in and took my og away from him, staying calm and saying that pushing her will make her think you're playing and have her wanting to do it more. He simply said, "I'm going to keep doing it because that's all that works". Which I finally replied in a firm manner, "no, you will not push my dog. I am trying to train her properly and I will try to keep her away from you as much as possible, but you need to be much more patient and respectful than you have been". I simply received the same answer and a grunt that told me he would not respect my wishes. Finally, it wa approaching Easter weekend and I was going to have to take my dog home with me, as I had to visit family and it would be for a few days. In the time it took me to get everything packed up that wa need (which took about an hour) I had forgotten to do my one plate, and 3 butter knives in the kitchen. Within 24 hours, I received an extremely nasty text from Marie, calling me a hypocrite and totally blasting me for forgetting my dishes. She then continued to tell me she took them and set them on top of the microwave in my room. This, again, was over the line for me. I was extremely stressed out with the family gathering coming up, and knowing that my boundaries and privacy were breached was just too much. I forced myself to turn off my phone for one hour before responding. I then replied with, "I apologize for forgetting my mess. THat being sid, for future reference no one is allowed in my room without my permission". I'm sure you can already guess what came next: I received further backlash about how I was being "immature", how I needed to "grow-up", and stop trying to cause issues in the house. This was about two weeks ago already. I ended up apologizing and saying how I was "totally in the wrong" just to stop the waves of aggression. Obviously, I don't feel that way at all. I will let you know that from then until right this moment, not a word has been spoken from either of my roommates to me for the last 2 weeks, as if they both decided on a house "shunning" for me overstepping my boundaries and daring to even think it was okay to ask that my privacy and rights be respected. Now Reddit, what do you think I should do from here? Do you have any similar experiences? If so, I strongly implore you to PLEASE give me advice on how to cope with the constant tension in my residence and how to handle the situation. Thanks.
Submitted April 29, 2017 at 04:34AM by derkasarus1 http://ift.tt/2qgz4hI rant
No comments:
Post a Comment