Dear Redditors,
First of all I want to declare that I am not making this post to get means / tips and tricks for dating/hooking up with women, I am simply clueless and frustrated; I don't know to what to do anymore. I know this sounds like a luxury problem but after more than 10 years I can tell you it doesn't feel very luxurious.
Secondly, I know a lot of my reasoning and the statements I make revolve around me in this post but it's a way for me to try and make you understand what kind of a person I am and hopefully identify with this no matter what gender you are. I also believe that there are a lot of individuals who have this same problem as I do.
Background: I'm a 25 y/o male from somewhere in Sweden and for the latest 10-15 years I've struggled with an issue; I only attract depressed girls and women. It started when I was around 14 when I had my first real girlfriend, just a week after we got together her sister committed suicide and I guess there's no possible way to take that good. Even though this tragedy happened we kept things together for over 1 year and ever since then we have been friends. Fast forward some 5 years and I had passed through another two longer relationships (over 1 year each) as well as some shorter ones.
All my girlfriends so far have had major self-confidence and self-esteem issues, some of them cut themselves, some had anorexia some took it out on me with the fury of a thousand suns but most of them sought comfort from my hugs. Insofar, I just thought that pretty much everyone was feeling shit and I guess that's kind of true around that age, so I didn't really reflect much upon it.
After I turned 20 I moved to another city to study at the university and I soon found myself a new girlfriend. This girl however had a very thick facade, I thought she was as happy as ever until we moved in together, then I got to see all sides of her; not leaving the house, quite a few OCD-warnings (like ultra-sorting the refrigerator), anxiety issues and a lot more than that. We broke up 1.5 years later, I had to move out and 3-4 months thereafter I met another girlfriend with social anxiety, panic attacks, crazy levels of stress and fears/phobias. These two I met through online-dating websites.
It was somewhere around this point that I kind of got fed up, I don't know how many times I was thinking; 'I'm not going to date another depressed girl.' I started thinking about if there was something wrong with me? Why did it always break up? I realized I had spent quite a lot of time on my career / education but I guess that's to be expected around that age. This was about 1,5 year ago.
Then I tried something new; Tinder. I really sucked at taking pictures and making a proper description but after a while I got the hang of it and started meeting girls there. I have now met 6 different girls in the last 6 months and every single one of them has been seriously depressed. I'm not talking just 'existential questions'-sad but 'My dad died in cancer 1 year ago' or 'I just got burn-out for the 2nd time in a year and have no money' or 'I cut myself and have 4 diagnosis'. I can't tell which one is the worst but I'm shitting you not, two weeks ago I dated a girl who got raped in the entrance next to where I live (the same apartment.)
Background TL/DR; Every girl I had a longer relationship with or just dated turned out to be a depressed energy vampire.
Theory: I have been thinking so hard about this for more than a year now. For a while I was just joking around saying I only attract depressed girls but it's not a joke anymore, I'm stuck in this system. At times I feel like all girls/women are depressed and hiding all their issues, but honestly this is not what I believe. Nor do I believe that there is anyone as happy as a rainbow, that's not what I'm looking for. I know literally everyone has their bad days but not everyone has to take pills or see a psychologist, or should we all?
It's hard for me to look at myself and my behaviors in third-person but from what I gathered from other people I am a caring, secure and confident guy. More than anything I always hear how kind I look and I tend to blend into any social situation given that I want to. It's just so weird to me; it seems like I'm only attracting depressed girls? Why? Aren't these things you want no matter if you're depressed or not?
My theory is that I am a natural born talent into being perceived as a catalyst of trust and that depressed ladies have a keen eye for identifying this. But what I just can't seem to figure out is how this can be shown digitally; on dating-sites and Tinder for example. Or are they typically a gathering place for depressed and if I may say; desperate individuals?
Another thing that I have realized which is related to the previous point is a pattern; that all the girls I've met since 5 years back have all started on a digital platform.
Yet another thought that struck me was that maybe it was I that was desperate? But honestly, I don't feel like it, but maybe that's how you always see yourself?
Theory TL/DR; I think depressed girls can identify the caring, trusting side of me in 0.5 sec.
If anyone read all of this, thank you so much for your time. If you care to post as well I'm even more grateful. Don't be shy to ask straight/harsh questions, at this point I just want to get insight somehow.
So have anyone else experienced this? No matter what side you were on, please share your views.
TL/DR; I have only attract seriously depressed girls since 10 years back and I have no clue why.
Submitted September 19, 2016 at 02:12AM by VikingBananaSurfer http://ift.tt/2d8V5sQ relationships
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